All Too Well

3

Can wasn’t in his usual self. He doesn’t know why, but when P’No finally treated them to their favorite skewer stall, he lost his appetite. He walked away after eating two skewers, leaving them shocked. He even heard his best friend Good asked him why he was leaving too soon.

But he ignored them and walked aimlessly, with no particular destination in mind, debating if he should go home or not, but then realizing it was still early. His Ma would definitely hit him if she found out he skipped class, which wasn’t the first time he had done so.

He might even have consumed all of his absences already. He doesn’t know. Maybe he would fail his class again. He doesn’t care.

“Should I go to Tin?” he asked himself.

He had been asking himself this question since yesterday, but he had been unable to find a response. He was scared. What if Tin was furious at him then beat him up? No way. Tin wasn’t the kind of person to resort to violence. When he hit him once, he did not even retaliate.

“Should I hit him again? So he’ll know how I am feeling now?”

All these unanswered questions made his eyes swell with tears due to frustration. For the past few days, an aching sadness, worse than a migraine stretched across his stomach. Heaps of soggy tissues sat like aged mountains across his mournful bed. No matter how many tears splashed from him, a deep sadness still wrapped itself around him. He couldn’t seem to take the sadness away.

When he looked up, he saw a café and realized he needed a cup of coffee to lighten his mood. He was about to step into the shop when he found two familiar builds.

Pete and Tin.

“What are they doing here? Where is Ae?” he whispered, deciding not to enter the shop and just look outside like a spy. Then regretted it because he could not hear what they were talking about.

Tin sat there looking as handsome as ever. Even with those eye bags he still looked ethereal, making him reflect on how unfair life was. When here he was, feeling like a slob after crying himself to sleep, and there Tin was, looking as fantastic as ever.

But what startled him from admiring Tin’s beauty was when Pete grabbed Tin’s hand. He felt something in his stomach, a different kind of tingle from the one he felt whenever Tin kissed him.

“Are you jealous?”

Suddenly, Tin’s question when he called one time asking about Pete, popped out of his mind. Was this jealousy he felt? But Pete already had Ae. Why does he need to be jealous? And Tin was not his boyfriend, in the first place.

“You rejected him.”

Can couldn’t decide if he should be relieved or irritated that a tiny voice in his head reminded him of reality. His mind went berserk with thoughts when Tin smiled at Pete. Tin never smiled at him like that. Does Tin actually like Pete?

“But why did Tin ask me to be his boyfriend?”

The clamor of “did he just use me?”, echoed endlessly inside his head. He blinked several times, rubbed his nose, bit his lower lip, and held his fist so hard just so he would be numb. But whatever he does, big teardrops still fell from his eyes and wet his cheeks.

He hastily wiped his tears but his eyes couldn't stop crying. He bit his lip harder, he tasted the coppery taste of blood. Sticky snot came out of his nose and started crawling down his lips. He wiped out everything, blood, tear, and snot.

Why would Tin even ask him to be his boyfriend? What was there about him? He was stupid and dumb.

Breathing slowly, he calmed himself and looked away, he’d seen enough. He doesn’t know where he got the strength to run. He just did. And before he knew it, he was home. Finally. With his Ma screaming, asking why he was home too early.

He didn’t answer her and instead went directly to his room and jumped into his bed, crying again, as she continued to mumble something he paid no attention to. He was drained and all he wanted to do was sleep.

And so he did.