enemies (with benefits) » l.r.h || completed

thirty four

Ashton

I had to carry Vanessa back to her Aunt Lilly's. I forgot she was an emotional vomiter. She stayed quiet the entire walk back, her head rested against my shoulder and her arm folded over her stomach.

I get it, I shouldn't have said what I said to her; Luke probably does love her and I just don't want him to. But I shouldn't have just thrown at her that I missed her. That I wanted her back. That I wasn't over her. I played it off convincingly in the beginning, but it's become too hard to hide how I felt anymore.

I saw an opportunity and I took it. It was a shitty moment, but I did anyway.

I wish I knew what she was thinking when I said that, what made her throw up? I wish I knew what I was thinking when I said that, what made me say that?

I'm selfish, that's why. I'm so selfish. I wanted Vanessa so much that I didn't care what her mental state will become if she got hurt. That's what started us in the beginning anyway: I was too selfish that I wanted my needs fulfilled above hers.

"Please put me down," Vanessa mumbled, her breath hitting against my neck. While trapped in my self-loathing, I hadn't noticed we were at Aunt Lilly's already. I nodded, setting her to her feet and she pushed open the door. She made her way up the stairs and I watched after her. I wanted to follow her, but I figured I'd just give her time to herself before going up and apologizing to her for my selfishness.

I walked into the vast space that was the living room and plopped down on the couch. This house was so big that there wasn't enough furniture Aunt Lilly liked to put in it. I turned on the TV, absent mindedly flipping through channels. All I kept thinking about was what I had said to Vanessa.

Lauren is like that with me, tells me all the time all the girls I'll never be with. . . And when I say girls, I mean you.

Why did I say that to her? I must be a total idiot to have said that to her. I would've thrown up too if some asshole said that to me while I was taken.

Oh God, then all the cruel assumptions I made of Luke. I would've beaten the shit out of someone if they said that about my girl. Why am I such an asshole?

"I don' t think you're an asshole," I jumped at the sound of Aunt Lilly's voice. She was behind the couch, a friendly smile on her face. Did I say that out loud? "what's bothering you, kid?"

"I'm fine," I shook my head, going back to mindlessly flipping through channels. A beer bottle slowly lowered itself onto the glass coffee table in front of me. My eyes trailed from the bottle to the fingers to the hand and up the arm of Aunt Lilly.

"I know you kids drink anyway," she smiled before sitting down next to me. "might as well just give it to you."

"Thanks," I smiled slightly, reaching over and grabbing the bottle. It was ice cold and water dripped down the glass. I watched droplets disappear onto my skin and I felt Aunt Lilly's eyes on me the whole time.

"How are you, Ashton?" My eyebrows furrowed and my eyes stayed on the water droplets. No one's ever really asked me that before.

"Is it bad if I say I feel like shit?" I looked over at her, cradling the bottle in both hands. She shook her head slowly, her lips pursing a little.

"Why would you feel like shit?" I came onto your niece even though she has a boyfriend.

"I just sort of said some stuff to Vanessa that I shouldn't have," I took a long drink of the alcohol, letting it settle in my system.

"I see. And did you apologize?"

"Thought I'd let her cool off before I even looked at her," I set my beer down and scooted it towards Aunt Lilly as I heard Ms. Tilley's voice echo through the house.