Criminal Affinity [18+]

Chapter 52

I'm a giant, 

I'm flying. You should try it, Never ever ever felt like this. 
*

| Feels Like This - Abra Taylor |

x

Following the life-changing, drastic revelation, Lily is planning to throw Ava a...homecoming party. Nerves flutter in her belly, a hardly restrained grin on her face. Smiling has become her defence mechanism now. But beneath the surface is a war of emotions that Ava can't label or compartmentalize.

Ava wants to be a part of Lily's life—properly. But she knows exactly why she is joining him. She doesn't care about the change in their behaviour, the way they've begun treating her like an ally. Ivan, Ren and Lily. The three share something that Ava will never have with them.

And they treated her like shit. Before, Ava would have overlooked it. But now?

Now, she has a plan.

Because Ava is a token of the government. She took an oath to protect and serve in Pandora. Not only will she be committing treason, also becoming a national criminal. And she plans on milking all the benefits of going so, so bad.

It is her biggest downfall, the most fatal one. She'll be damned if she lets it go to waste.

Caring so deeply only made her realize her lack of defence. Love has only ever hurt her, over and over again till her heart turned black.

"Why?" She asks Lily, who is dressed in a simple shirt and jeans. Her radiant eyes are glimmering with excitement, hair neatly brushed to her neck.

Her new fate waits for her downstairs with a knife and a pending promise. She has already made up her mind.

She has told Ivan that she will not be serving him but joining her sister. She has nowhere else to go, anyway. The broken remnants of her past don't want her back and her chosen family left her in the dust.

But her heart relaxes to see that Lily is fighting a smile. In the past week, Ava has seen Lily more ease up than ever. It's a start. Ava doesn't know or trust her sister fully, but she knows she never wants to lose her. She's always fluttering around Ava, asking her if she needs anything and constantly asking questions like, what's your favourite colour? Favourite food? Sunset or sunrise?

It's been difficult to not burst out crying like a baby because of the innocence and urgency of the questions. Her heart has been split between animosity and love. The middle ground is too sticky for her to tread.

"I want everyone to know," Lily says, but there's something she's leaving unsaid.

"You want to show me off?" Ava asks, unable to fight the bitter taste in her mouth.

Lily's nose scrunches up. "Not like that. I want Pandora's shadow off you. You're my sister and a part of us now."

Doubt rises in Ava. "Is this Ivan's idea?"

She can't help it. As much as she wants to leave their past behind, she can't forget how brazenly Ivan told her her weight in gold and how much he likes to be the one carrying it. She wants to believe that has changed but...

"No," Lily says, then frowns. "He's against it, actually."

"Oh?" Ava's brows bow. "Why?"

"He said it's good to let you rest. And being a new addition to the family, it's sometimes best to keep things under wraps." She says.

"And you disagree because...?" Ava asks.

"Because I want everyone to know you're mine." Lily rushes out.

Ava draws a silent breath. "Why? Why do you care so much?"

Lily frowns, confused. Ava has no idea where she gets her patience from. Then her features relax. Lily gathers Ava's hands in hers, warmth encasing her palms. "Mom used to send me letters. She kept in touch with me till she died."

Ava gasps, gently withdrawing her hands. "She—she talked to you?"

"Just letters. She said it would be best that way. No one knew, not even your father." Lily continues. "She used to write about you all the time. At first, it used to make me bitter, but I eventually fell in love with everything she told me about you."

"Lily." Ava starts, but she doesn't know what to say.

"Cherie. Chia. That's what she called you. She wanted to name you Chiara, but Lawrence was deadset on Avalon. That's what she always called you in the letters, and that's how I remembered you." She says.

Ava distinctly remembers her parents bantering over her name. It was the first time they tried an Italian restaurant, papa's pick.

"You call this Italian?" Mama mocked him with a smile. "Chia can cook better than this."

"Of course, she can, Jaci." Papa replied, eyes set on her. He was always watching her, eyes never straying far from his wife. I thought it was because he was worried if he looks away she will just vanish. She had always been a vision, a stunning angel among ordinary people.

"What say, Chia?" Mama turned her mischievous eyes to me. "Should we leave papa here and sneak off to eat ice cream?"

I laughed and nodded eagerly. But papa put a firm hand over my arm. "I told you to stop calling her that. She will get confused when she's older."

Mama's smile slipped a little but she held strong to the curve on one side. "Papa is jealous, Chia. Look at him trying to act like your little genius brain won't remember your name."

More giggles bubbled out of me while I tried to repeat the phrase mama used to tell me to make me laugh. "Papa is a hater, and men hate when women win."

Mama's enigmatic laughter draws many eyes, making papa stiffen. He always did that whenever people looked at mama for too long. "That's my little Cherie. Men are haters."

Papa dug into his food with a little shake of his head.

"Lawrence didn't like it." Lily continues. "That's why she hid the letters from him, too."

The love of your life having another child with a man who you have to see every day can't be easy to stomach. Papa had always been the stiffer parent, not letting anything too wild come from his wife or his daughter. Must have been the strict upbringing of his army father. But mama never cared.

The rush of memories and anecdotal emotions almost overwhelm Ava. But she realizes that Marvin was so invested in distracting her that he never focused on her mourning. To this day, Ava hasn't fully mourned her parents. But she will.

When she finds the one that took them away from her.

"You've known me this entire time," Ava says. "But I know nothing about you."

Lily's face darkens. "She didn't tell you about me because it was safer that way."

"I'm sorry, Lily." Ava reaches for her hands again, no doubt in her mind now. "She loved you."

"Yes, she did." Lily's eyes line with silver. She gives her head a little shake before refocusing her attention on Ava. "I don't want to hide it anymore, nor do I want to fight it. I've looked for you for years, I kept you in the dark and tortured myself. I can't do it anymore. I want it out." She says.

Guilt slams down on Ava, especially around the dark thoughts she has around them. She's doing now what she should've done the moment she stepped foot in this place because even if no one has her back, she has to.

She has to.

"Then we'll do just that," Ava says with a smile bright enough to hide the storm brewing in her mind.