Working for Malfoy

Chapter 35: You Never Despised Her

"Come on Draco. You haven't left the house in almost two weeks. You need to get out and do something." I said.

"What are we going to do Blaise?" The blonde asked from his place in the bathroom.

"I don't know. Let's go to Diagon Alley or something. I would suggest that Aviana and Ginny come too, but they are hanging out again."

"What do you think they've been doing anyway? They barely met a week ago, and they are acting as though they have been friends forever." Draco stated as he shut off the bathroom light and walked out of the bathroom.

"I don't know. I never thought about it." I shrugged. "Why?"

He just shrugged and sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Maybe I am just going stir crazy."

"Then let's go to Diagon Alley so you can clear your head." I stood from his desk chair and approached him. "Put a shirt on, get a jacket, and let's go do something."

"Fine." Draco groaned. "We can go to Diagon Alley."

"Finally." I sighed playfully which caused Draco to roll his eyes and a half smile appear on his face.

I smiled a bit at this before going downstairs to try and find Narcissa to tell her what was going on.

I looked in her study, the dining room. drawing room, library, garden, and knocked on her bedroom door but found her nowhere. I went back upstairs to find Draco leaning on his desk a bit and writing on a piece of paper.

"Did your mom say anything about leaving the house today? I just walked around the house to tell her that we were leaving but couldn't find her anywhere." I said.

"She said that she was going to Diagon Alley to get a few things from Madam Malkin." Draco replied before folding the parchment he was writing on and carried it downstairs. When we got to the front door, he set the paper on the table right by the front door.

"I wrote her a small note so if she gets back while we are gone or we don't bump into her in Diagon Alley, she will see the note and won't have to worry about my whereabouts." Draco explained while opening the front door and waiting for me to go out first before following me and casting a spell on the door to lock it.

We walked down the driveway and apparated when we reached the fence.

We landed behind the Leaky Cauldron and walked over to the brick wall. I tapped in the right pattern and we watched as the bricks rearranged themselves into a passageway big enough for the Hogwarts gamekeeper to go through.

We started walking down the street in silence and listened to the noises around us. I snuck a glance at the bllonde and smiled when I saw that he was visibly more relaxed and a small smile began appearing on his face. I looked away and smiled as well, knowing that he was relaxing and letting go of his worries for now.

We continued our walk down the street and was just passing some of the restaurants and was about to ask Draco if he wanted to stop and get something to drink when I heard Ginny's voice in my head.

"Get raco as far away from here as possible. Narcissa, Aviana, and I are in the Hopping Pot."

I looked towards the Hopping Pot's window and saw Ginny in the window.

"Okay, any specific reason." I asked.

"I'll tell you late, right now you need to get Draco away from here now. We have a surprise for him and don't want him to see it." She said.

"Alright." I answered, and smiled slightly in her direction before leading Draco away from where they were without saying a word.

Once we were a ways away from the Hopping Pot, I asked Draco if we wanted to get something to eat. He agreed and we took the long way back to the Leaky Cauldron to avoid running into the girls again.

Once we ordered our drinks, we took a seat in the back of the building and sat in silence.

I looked over at Draco and saw him holding his head in his hands.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

He just sighed before looking up at me and shrugging. "Not gonna lie, I didn't think it would be this hard to get over the death of someone I used to despise."

"I don't think you'll really like what I am about to say, but I honestly don't think you ever despised her. Disliked, yes, but never despised." I said.

"What makes you say that?" He asked.

"Well, think about it. If you truly despised her, you wouldn't have picked her over the Hufflepuff. You wouldn't have healed her that first night. and you wouldn't have given her that trust test you did a few years back." I explained. "You would have let her suffer instead of feeling more comfortable."

Draco sat in silence and thought this over. While he was doing this, I looked around the room. There were at least ten other people here with us, and the bartender was wiping off the counter.

I looked back at Draco and saw him with his head in his hands again.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

"Not thinking. Reliving." He replied without looking up.

"What do you mean?"

"Every once in a while, without any warning, memories of her will push their way to the front of my mind and I can't stop it."

"If you don't mind me asking, but what memory are you living now? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"It was a few days after we picked her up I'm pretty sure. She got really upset and started yelling at me. When she left my room, I was frozen in place and couldn't move for a good five minutes. When I was able to move again, I left my room and went to look for her. I found her in the garden, sitting on the bench in the middle of it. I wouldn't have thought a whole lot of it if I didn't hear her singing. It's her voice that keeps me up and distracts me from what is right in front of me." Draco explained.

As he spoke, his eyes clouded over as the memory played in his head. He displayed his emotions vaguely. He had the look of slight happiness, but more sadness than anything.

"What are you happy about?" I asked.

"You know how when you lose someone it hurts so bad that you don't think anything will be able to fix it?" He asked.

"Yeah." I reply.

"When you felt that way, have you ever had this slight feeling of happiness when you think of them? Almost like you know that they are in a better place even if it hurts you." He said.

"Yeah, I have and it hurts like nothing I have ever felt before."

"How did you get over it? I know it was a while ago, but even then, it didn't seem like it phased you at all."

I thought about this for a minute before answering. "When she died, I felt my whole world crash down around me. She was the light in my life and I didn't think I would ever be happy again. There are times that I wonder how I am still going because fresh memories flood my mind and it feels like she is dying all over again. I feel like giving up, but then I remember that there are still people who care for me. So I find a way to hold on and get through another day."

"How do you do that though? It feels like I am drowning and will never reach the surface again. I feel as though, no matter how loud I scream, no one will ever hear me. That day I saw her on the ground in a pool of her own blood plays on loop in my head and I can't make it stop no matter what I do. It is almost like I am being punished for her death. When she walked out on me in the library, I didn't do anything to stop her. Any other time I would have, but not that time and I feel incredibly guilty for it."

"You didn't do anything Draco. She was carrying so much on her shoulders already that she didn't do it because of you, but because she couldn't handle it anymore."

"I know, and I would give anything to see her again." Draco said so quietly that I barely heard it. He stood up from his spot and looked at me. "I'll see you later Blaise." With that, he left the Leaky Cauldron.