sunrise no sunshine | Buenvenidez Series #3 [ COMPLETED ]

48

"Do you think I can handle it?"

Nanatili ang tingin sa akin ni Tanya nang tanungin ko 'yon. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang tumayo doon nang hindi nararamdaman ang takot ko. I know the crowd is different and I haven't been into a real and big concert to be honest.

"I'm scared, Tanya. I don't know but I'm scared." I said truthfully.

Huminga siya ng malalim saka tumango. Kita ko sa mga mata niya ang panghihinayang pero alam ko namang naiintindihan niya ako.

"It's okay, Madam. I can't push and risk you afterwards.." Aniya.

Pinagisipan kong mabuti 'yon. I don't have plenty of time but I want to come. That's the truth. However, my anxiety won't help. Alam kong sanay na ako sa dami ng tao pero alam kong ibang usapin parin ang concert na dadaluhan ko. It will happen on the biggest stadium owned by their family that was built for the National Games years ago. It will accomodate more than 20,000 people at isipin ko palang 'yon, para bang hindi ko na kaya.

But then, this is the last time. This is the last time he's going to perform. Ang mga susunod, baka sa videos ko nalang mapanood katulad noon. This is my only chance to be one of his crowd. Papalampasin ko ba?

Huminga ako ng malalim saka pinatay ang laptop ko. I shut my eyes to calm myself before I stood up. Ramdam ko ang tingin ni Tanya sa akin kaya bahagya ko siyang nginitian.

"Tell Kuya Ramon to drive me there. Magpapalit lang ako ng damit." I said and went inside my room here.

Naroon ang tshirt, jeans at pair ng sneakers na isusuot ko, ayaw ko namang pumunta na naka dress ako. Hindi na nga kumportable ang nararamdaman ko, alangan namang hindi rin kumportable ang isusuot ko?

I changed my clothes quickly. I put my hair up and wore cap. Nag suot rin ako ng sweater bago lumabas para harapin si Tanya. She's already standing there, waiting for me. Tila ba tinitimbang niya ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Naguguluhan parin ako. I love him. I love Caius. I'm never gonna deny that. But what made me feel this now is the guilt I have for Brett. I realized he was right. Kahit kailan, hindi ako natapos sa pagmamahal ko kay Caius. It was there every since and it's still there until now. And I also hate to accept what he said that night at the airport. Na baka masaya lang ako sa kanya noon dahil siya ang nandoon at hindi si Caius.

I felt worst. I am worst. I hurt him and now I know I'm gonna hurt him again. But maybe, I really need to be selfish in order to figure out everything I am feeling. Gusto ko munang maging makasarili ngayon at piliin ang sarili ko at kung saan ako masaya ngayon.

Saka isa pa, Brett already announced it publicly that we've broken up. What's the point of avoiding the people? What's the point of being selfless and putting other people first? He let go of me. It ended there. I have now the choice. At alam kong kahit anong parte ang piliin ko, may masasaktan parin ako.

"Sure ka na, Madam?" Tanong ni Tanya.

I snorted when I looked at her. "You gave me the idea to come and you made me realized I still love him tapos nag aalinlangan ka ngayon dahil pupunta ako sa concert?" Tanong ko.

Her lips parted a bit. "That's because you keep on running away from the truth! Palagi mong iniisip ang ibang tao kaya hindi mo matanggap sa sarili mo kung sino ang mahal mo. At oo nag aalala ako dahil baka pagkaguluhan ka doon! I know you won't pass out pero hindi ko kontrolado ang mga tao." Aniya.

I sighed. I understand. Hindi na mawawala kay Tanya ang pagaalala sa ganitong bagay.

"Caly's probably there. Pati ang mga pinsan niya." I said.