sunrise no sunshine | Buenvenidez Series #3 [ COMPLETED ]

42

Dancing with the rhythm
I can hear you singing
it was the clarity, I know
the sound way back home

"I don't believe you now..." I chuckled while reading her words on the note pinned on my wall.

It was messy. This is the part of my studio I don't usually clean because my stuffs,  notes, scribbles, and words are scattered all over the place. Whenever I wanted to write, I would sit here and read few words from her. And then from that, I could write a song or two.

I breathe heavily and took another note from the wall. Tahimik kong binasa 'yon at paulit ulit na inalala lahat ng bagay na lumipas na kasabay ng panahon.

You believed that the time will tell,
but can you ever hear what I say?
Time isn't ours, it's never stopping
I'm not gonna waste it here, waiting
I'll make my move, try my luck
so don't be snob, free the door, and let me knock

It was so fool of me to be stuck here. I hate it.

Minsan iniisip ko parin kung bakit hindi ko nalang hayaan? Kung bakit hindi ko nalang kalimutan, e, nagawa nga niya sakin? Not that I don't want her to live the life she wanted but I couldn't stop wondering.

Maybe I was at fault. Maayos siyang nagpaalam sa akin noong gabing umalis siya. Doon palang, alam ko nang tinuldukan niya talaga ang lahat sa amin.

Imagine hearing directly from her that it's okay if I would love someone else. Natanggap niya? Kaya niya? Kaya niya na akong makitang masaya sa iba?

Eh, hindi ko nga kaya 'yun, e. 'Yung makita siyang masaya sa iba?

Kaso paano kung doon na talaga siya masaya, ipagdadamot ko pa ba? Hindi ba dapat tanggapin ko nalang? Tutal, noong mga panahon namang bumitaw siya sa akin, 'yun lang ang hiniling ko? Na maging masaya siya ulit? Na mahanap niya ang sarili niya?

"This is so hard for her... noon lang siya nagcollapse ng tuluyan dahil sa sakit niya.. at ngayon lang siya nawalan ng malay dahil sa sobrang pagiyak.." Tanya said while I was sitting beside Kestrielle who was sleeping soundly.

I just found out that day when Tito Anton died and the airport incident happened that she was diagnosed with claustrophobia, an anxiety disorder whenever she's feared, nervous and in enclosed spaces. Hindi ko alam 'yon dahil hindi niya naman sinasabi sa akin.

That's when I realized too why she's never one of the crowd.

"Siguro alam mo na ngayon kung bakit wala siya sa mga gigs at concerts mo..." Ani Tanya.

Tumango ako. I could remember all the countless times I waited for her during our gigs. This explains why.

"Did she had a trauma when she was a kid?" I asked. Doon ko narealize na hindi ko pa nga alam ang lahat kay Kestrielle kahit ilang taon ko na siyang kilala.

"It all started when her parents divorced. Nadiagnosed lang noong ako na ang nagaalaga sa kanya dahil napapansin ko ang takot niya sa maraming tao. The doctor told us that it was an emotional trauma as a kid. Masyado pa siyang bata noong naghiwalay ang mga magulang niya," she shared.

It must've been hard. I don't want my kids to experience that trauma.

"Kaya spoiled siya kay Sir. Anton. Kaya rin gustong gusto ng Mommy niya na umuwi siya ng New York. Maybe it was the guilt of them as parents who failed to save their child from a trauma.." Ani Tanya. "But I couldn't blame them. Their marrriage didn't worked. Biktima lang si Kestrielle. Mabuti nalang talaga dahil kahit papaano, naging maayos.. iyon nga lang.. nawala naman ang Daddy niya." Dagdag niya.