I Broke Her

31

Bridie

"Thanks maddox" "you are welcome" "have you two had breakfast?" "No" "then I will make some food" "I'm not hungry" I looked at dannon "you need to eat" "alright, I will eat" I nodded. Making a drink for the three of us as I made breakfast, I took it all to the table.
"When did you get here maddox?" "About an hour ago" I nodded "have you two got business to do today?" "No just came to be your tour guide" "I will be fine, if I don't need to go upstairs" "what are you going to do?" "I don't know" "you can always knit" "yeah that's not going to happen" maddox and dannon both laughed.
Hearing the front door And footsteps, I sat silent eating my breakfast.
"Good to see you back" "thanks. what brings you two here?" "Thought we'd come see you its been nearly two months". I knew it was apollo and rocco just by the voices.
"Apollo mentioned you got back yesterday" "yes we did" "when did you do the floors and the stairs?" "While I was away. The place needed a modern touch".

"Ma'am" turning my head pauline was standing to my right "Bridie is fine" "may I speak with you?" I nodded. I was glad to get out of the dining room.

"Are you okay ma.. Bridie?" "Yes I am. is everything okay pauline?" "Yes I thought you might want this. I found it in the bathroom" pauline held out the test and I hesitantly grabbed it. "Thank you pauline" "that is okay. Congratulations by the way" "ahh it's not mine but thank you" "oh I'm sorry" i nodded "thank you for bringing it to me" "you are welcome".
Pauline walked off and I sat down on the lounge chair holding the pregnancy test in both hands.
"Bridie have you finished?" "Yeah thanks maddox" putting my head down, I opened my hands looking at the test. Gripping it in both hands, I snapped it in half then stood up and walked through the lounge to the back hallway and out the back. Throwing the test in bin, I slammed the bin shut.
"Bridie what are you doing?" "Going for a walk" walking up the hill to the back of the property, I sat down looking over the house and the property. I can see if someone comes up here and can prepare myself.
I forgot to pick up the test this morning and I really wish I did. Last night I was too much of a mess to do it.
I have held that down for so long. I didn't plan to tell dannon that I was pregnant only because I knew it would destroy him. I never mentioned it to John either. It was something I planned to keep to myself only because I knew how much it destroyed me, I can only imagine how much it destroyed dannon knowing that he is the one at fault.
Seeing rocco come up the hill, I watched him the entire way.
"Hey Bridie" "hi rocco" "why are you up here?" "It's peaceful and the view is good" "still not handling crowds?" "No not really" "I'm sorry we made you feel uncomfortable" "no I was doing okay, I just had to speak with pauline then decided to come out here" "a lot on your mind?" "There always is. I wasn't ready to come back" "you will get there Bridie. it will take time" I nodded "yeah I know it's just really hard" "we are all here for you and dannon but we'll also try our best not to make you feel crowded. I know theres alot of us males around" I grinned "yeah there is but it's not just the male factor, its just this image in my mind that someone is going to hurt me. I know you guys won't but it still enters my head and sometimes I just can't control it. the feeling of being trapped and fear takes over" "we know we have witnessed it" I nodded "I'm sorry about that" "you don't need to be sorry for that Bridie" "thanks".
"How have you been rocco?" "Keeping busy I found myself a woman about six months back" "is she a good one?" "I like to think so" "does she know about the business?" "No" I looked at rocco "you don't trust her" "I don't know if I can trust her with that" "question her" "and say what?" "I don't know. put a movie on, one that is similar to what you guys deal with and ask her a simple question like 'how would you feel if I did that'. See what she says" "could work".
"How did dannon introduce you to it?" "He just told me one day. I was a bit taken aback by it but it didn't bother me. There was always the fear that something could go wrong but he came home every night" "he knew you were the one for him" "I guess so, he was quite upfront about it" rocco nodded "I will take your advice and see how it goes" "I hope it works out for you. Just keep her safe and look out for her" "speaking from experience" "yeah" rocco put his hand on my back and I leant into him "he is really sorry Bridie" "I know he is, I see it and he tells me all the time" "it'll all come together" "I know".

"What are you two doing?" "Looking at the views and talking" I could see the way dannon was looking at us and I sat up straight "I will leave you two to talk" "thanks rocco" "I will see you both soon".

"Comfortable?" "What are you referring to dannon?" "You in rocco's arms" "really? He was comforting me while we were speaking about you and I" "if you need comfort, you can come to me Bridie" "I know that" "then why didn't you, why turn to rocco?" "I didn't turn to rocco we got talking and he rubbed my back and I leant into him" standing up dannon moved closer "why move when I came up then?" "Because i could see the look in your eyes. I already knew what was going through your head" "I do not want you finding comfort in anyone else being in another mans arms. If you want rocco.." "dannon stop" "I am not finished" "we are finished talking. You have a lot on your mind and you aren't thinking straight. When you are calm, we'll talk" going to walk away, dannon grabbed my arm and I flinched "I'm sorry" "yeah.. I will see you later dannon".
Walking down the hill, I just shook my head.
I know he has a lot on his mind and I really wanted to say something but I held it down. He should know I'm not going anywhere. After everything that happened, I still gave him the chance.
Walking into the house, I walked the long way around like when I walked out. maddox and apollo were just talking in the dining room. When maddox looked at me, he stood up "are you going upstairs?" "Yeah.." "is everything okay bridie?" "yes" "you don't lie too well" "I just need time to myself" "you need to talk about it. whatever it is, don't hold it in" feeling a presence behind me, I knew who it was but I couldn't look at him right now.
"Bridie talk to me" I just shook my head "I will walk you out" "Don't try to comfort me maddox, I have to go" "what about the foyer?" "I will deal with it" "Bridie". Taking a deep breath, I ran straight out of the dining room and up the stairs keeping my eyes on the door at the top. Getting to the top, I continued to the bed room and closed the door. I need a shower I need to relax and block everything out. I can't let anything take over, I need to keep control.
Closing the bathroom door, I locked it then stripped out of my clothes throwing them in the basket and turned the shower on. Making sure the temperature was right, I stepped in. Warming up the wall with the water, I then stood under the water and let it run down my face and body as I just stood against the wall.
Moving the shower head out just a touch, I sat down watching the water drop from the shower head it was like a water fall of sorts.
Peaceful and calming. I am thankful to John for suggesting the water. it's been a great technique to use. Just watching the water move, it takes my mind off other things whether the water just has a light ripple or is pouring down. Closing my eyes, I zoned everything out and concentrated on the feeling as it hit my body. I wonder if there is any waterfalls around. In all the years i lived in san diego, I never thought to look.