I Broke Her

17

Bridie

Sitting down by the pond, dannon never left my side. he didn't answer the calls that blasted his phone in his pocket, he just kept his attention on me. I don't want him to forget his life for me. I know my road ahead will be long. nothing can be fixed over night. It was a start being able to talk with John yesterday but it also brought up so many questions that I need answered.
"Why didn't you question me that day?" Keeping my eyes on the water, I could feel dannons eyes on me but right now I can't look at him. His entire self draws me in.
"Why are you asking me this?" "I need to know. after my session with John, I realized I don't have the answers to the questions that have sat in my mind"
"I was blinded by anger Bridie. I should've known you wouldn't do that to my mother but seeing her laying at the bottom of the stairs hurt and unconscious I just acted out" I nodded "I was always close with dinah I could never do that to her" "I know".
"Did you call the ambulance?" "Yes I did, she was still unconscious when they arrived. When she got out of hospital, she couldn't talk" "I loved hearing all the stories she used to tell me, even when she had already told me several times before. the way she spoke with positivity even though she was suffering because of the cancer, it was beautiful to see" "even the day she passed she was still staying positive" "did she pass at home or in the hospital?" "At home like she wanted" I nodded "she was comfortable there" "yes she was".
"What happened after you knocked me out?" "Bridie?" "I need you to tell me dannon" I could see dannon was struggling to say it as he leant forward running his hands through his hair but I needed to hear it.
"I broke.. I untied you and picked you up cradling you in my arms apologising profusely" "how did I get on the side of the road?" "You didn't Bridie. I, I just couldn't do it" "the doctors told me I was found on the side of the road" dannon shook his head "I took you to the hospital and told the staff to help and that I had found you. I couldn't.." "tell them the truth" "I didn't want to admit what I had done. I didn't even know if you would survive" "but you even told everyone else you left me on the side of the road" "yes" "why?" "I don't know, I don't have an answer to that" I just sat silent looking over the water. I finally have the answers to the questions that were always playing on my mind for the last six years. Deciding to go for walk around, I stood up. I could feel dannons eyes on me but I needed to walk and he never said anything.
Walking slowly around the large pond, everything sat on my chest like a ton of bricks. I could feel my body breaking down like a weight was pulling me down. all the pain, the fear, anxiety, paranoia, night terrors I have had to deal with because of a simple mistake by the person I love. Am I always going to feel this way.? will I get my life back and take control?. The man I love, the one that also hurt me is now the man that's trying to repair me. This is fucking hard. Walking to the fence, I looked over the surrounding grasslands watching the dandelions blow in the wind. I want to feel that free, free of all the torment, the hurt, the pain. How can I improve myself?, how can I move on from what happened? The scars remind me everyday of what I went through. Changing my clothes, I see those scars. I avoid looking in the mirror because of the scar on my face. I don't remember the last time I looked at myself in the mirror. it's something I need to do. I need to see them. I need to embrace them.
Walking away from the fence, I ran straight up the house and inside up the flight of stairs and into my room. Closing the door, I walked to the bathroom grabbing a hair tie out of my makeup bag that I never use and a hair brush. Brushing my hair, I then put it up in a bun leaving the entire scar on my face in view. Removing my shirt, I sat it on the basin and looked in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, I looked at my face at the scar running down the side. Tracing my fingers over the scar the tears started to fall. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Feeling dannons hand grab my hand, he lowered it. putting his hand on my lower back, I couldn't open my eyes. I needed to take this all in. This is the first time in around six years I did it, I looked at the scars. Dannon picked me up bridal style carrying me to the room. Opening my eyes his dark eyes looked into mine. he never said a word but I could see the hurt in his eyes as he laid me down on the bed then joined me. Closing my eyes, I could feel dannons breath on my face before he kissed my scar ever so gently his left hand tracing the side of my body. Leaving kisses down the side of my face, he moved down to my chest covering the scars then did the same with the one on my lower stomach before moving back up again whispering in my ear. "You are beautiful Bridie, I don't want you to feel anything less. The scars do not define who you are. You are strong, have a heart of gold, beautiful inside and out and I want you to remember that. I will make you see who you really are and just how beautiful you are. The kind, loving woman I have always loved. The one that has always owned my heart, you mean the world to me Bridie. I don't want to see you hating yourself. I want to see you loving yourself as much as I love you". Feeling his lips on my neck he then moved to my shoulder before connecting his lips with mine. I have missed everything about dannon. the way he looks at me, his touch, his smell, the way he kisses me, talks to me, cares for me. he was always my everything.
When dannon pulled away from the kiss, I opened my eyes. looking straight into his dark brown eyes, I ran my hand down his cheek feeling the stubble from not shaving in a few days none of us needed to say anything. I could see everything through his eyes, the eyes that have always looked at me with love and care now show a mix of love and pain.
Hearing a knock, dannon spoke
"What is it?" "Theres food on the table dannon" "thanks angelic".
His eyes never left mine but I wasn't sure what he was thinking.
"We should go eat" he gave me a slight nod but never broke eye contact as he continued to hover over me then he moved back and I sat up. Getting off the bed, I could feel his eyes on me as I walked to the bathroom grabbing my shirt. Putting it on, I took my hair out and walked back out of the bathroom. "You do not need to cover it Bridie" I nodded "I'm not ready for that dannon. Let's go eat" "alright".
Walking down the stairs, I stepped back "Bridie" "Bridie its alright" I looked at callan, then dannon and then maddox "I.. I'm going to go see angelic" callan nodded.

"Is everything okay Bridie?" "Yes just hungry" "what happened out there?" "Ahh a weak moment" "explain it to me" "I walked down the stairs. Callan was standing beside the stairs maddox was in front and dannon was behind me" angelic nodded "you felt trapped?" I nodded "they won't do anything" "it's going to take time angelic" "I know sweet heart. The food is in the dining room" I nodded "I will go in there soon" "I haven't ate yet, would you like to join me?" "okay". Walking back to the dining room, dannon, callan and maddox all looked at me. Just blocking out the thoughts, I took a seat away from everyone but still close enough to grab some food. I don't know if their eyes were on me and I wasn't game enough to look their way. I just needed to eat and get out of here.
"Are you alright Bridie?" "Yes thank you angelic" "alright". Eating my meal in silence, I then stood up and took my dishes to the kitchen.