Fate is a fighter

Chapter 26 - d is for denial

After three months of pure hell, in more ways than one, I decided I needed a holiday. I rung up Dahlia, who was slowly becoming one of my closest friends, and we decided to book somewhere, somewhere in Italy. I booked the days off work, and packed my bags, and pretty soon I was on a plane.

Noah and Tabs have been really trying to help me get through this, but it is so painful. I feel like the first time round when Jordan and I broke up I never really grieved properly, and so now I was suffering two breakups at the same time, and it was awful.

The sad reality is, Noah and Tabs cannot spend all of their time with me, trying to cheer me up. For starters, they have their own boyfriends they want to spend time with, and they are both very happy. I'm happy for them too, but it is really hard to see happy people when you are so unhappy, so if ever any of them are round at the house I tend to leave and go to the bar. Tabs is also pregnant, and she's been struggling herself with the pregnancy, so she has even less time to spend cheering me up. That is why Dahlia and I have become such good friends; we understand eachother, and we have time for eachother.

I know there have been a lot of stories about the whole situation in the tabloids. The way I found out was because my sister had called me up asking what the hell was going on because she thought I was happy with Jordan. I explained the whole story, and she broke down with me on the phone, and visited me the next weekend. I haven't bothered reading them though, I just know it would hurt me even more than I already am, so why would I purposely go out and seek something that would hurt me?

The flight from London to Florence wasn't ridiculously long, and pretty soon we were stepping off the plane into the scorching heat of the Italian sun. After getting through passport control, getting our stuff, and settling into the hotel, we went to a restaurant, ate pizzas and ordered plenty of Italian wine.

The next week was filled with us getting drunk, swimming, tanning, partying and touring all of the beautiful places in Florence. There was barely a second when I would think about Jordan, Cleo, or the baby growing in Cleo's stomach.

"I read an article today that says a man claimed the baby was his," Dahlia randomly says in the middle of breakfast one day.

"Dahlia, please, I don't read those articles for a reason, and I definitely don't want hope that it might not be his, I would rather just move on and get on with my life," I explained to her.

"Suit yourself. This shit is juicy, I love it," she said, leaning back in her chair and flicking through some random gossip magazine she had picked up, from who knows where.

"Five mimosas please," I ordered from the waiter. He nodded and brought a tray of mimosas back. When Dahlia reached for one, I slapped her hand back, and proceeded to down each and every one of them. "I think I'm ready for the day now," I stated, after finishing the fifth one.

"This is why you are I are friends," laughed Dahlia.

One of the days, whilst we were touring through the gorgeous towns and buying various things, I got hit on by a rather attractive Italian man. He wanted to take me to dinner, and he seemed sweet, attractive too, but I just wasn't ready.

"Why wouldn't you get with him? Some Italian dick could be good for you!" exclaimed Dahlia, once the man had left, saying it was lovely to meet me and perhaps in another life we would meet again.

"I'm just not mentally ready to throw myself into anything," I shrugged, picking up a bracelet from one of the displays in the shop we had just walked into and examining it.

"You don't have to marry him, just fuck him. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and believe me, I have gotten under a load of people recently. I'm over Jordan though, I just like sex," admitted Dahlia.

"Sex is good, but I'm still not in the mood. What do you think of this?" I asked, holding up the bracelet and showing it to Dahlia. We continued our day as usual, ending with the two of us getting completely smashed and dancing the night away.

I felt like I blinked, and the holiday was over, and pretty quickly I was on the plane on the way back home. "So, you down?" Dahlia confirmed with me. I nodded my head. She had made plans for the whole week, so I barely had to be in the apartment, and I was very much ready to just avoid it at all costs, I couldn't deal with anymore of that lovey stuff. I loved Tabs, but seeing her pregnant hurts me, because she is going through the same stuff that Cleo went through, and Cleo is going through it all with Jordan and... it's a lot.

As soon as I got into the apartment, I dropped my bags off and left immediately to go with Dahlia. We stayed at her apartment for the entire day, and I even fell asleep on her sofa. The next day I got up for work, getting changed into the clothes I brought with me. I walked round to where Dahlia worked and picked her up, and we headed straight to the cinema to watch a couple of films. When it was about 2am, I went into the apartment and finally slept. I woke up before everyone else and headed to work.

That's basically how the next week went; I woke up before everyone else, and went back into my apartment to sleep once everyone else had slept. I had blocked all calls and messages from all of them, and I was just trying to live my life without any of their lovey dovey crap. God, I sound awful, but this is just what I do, push everything away, and everyone that reminds me of stuff I don't want to be reminded of, and currently they are reminding me that I am single, and Tabs' pregnancy is reminding me of Cleo's pregnancy, which sucks because I want to be there for her, and be happy for her, but I'm just struggling, a lot.

"Avery," I heard my name get called out as I crept into the apartment. I was trying to be quiet, but they were all already awake, sitting on the sofas, staring at me.

"Is this some kind of intervention?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

"Yeah, sure," Noah stated.

"Why are you avoiding us?" Tabs asked.

"I'm not avoiding you, I just don't really want to be in the apartment," I shrugged my shoulders.

"You need to stop pushing things away, you need to stop pushing us away," Tabs declared.

"I really don't need you guys telling me what to do right now," I stood steadfast in my place, staring down at my two flatmates.

"Avery, please don't be like this," Noah stood up and started walking towards me.

"I'm spending the weekend at my parent's," I stated, going to my door, locking it, packing a weekend bag, before stepping out of the apartment and into my car. It was about 3am on Saturday morning, I was tired, but I didn't want to be with the two of them.

I broke down in my car at 3am on Saturday morning.

I really was a mess. There was no way I was going to drive to my parent's house right now. I realised how stupid and overdramatic I was being. I left the car, grabbed my bag and walked back to my apartment. As soon as I shut the door, I broke down, sliding my back down the door till I was sitting, and my knees were up against my face as I sobbed into them. I felt an arm around me, and I looked up to see Tabs. "I'm sorry, I really am. I miss Jordan, I miss him so much," I sobbed into her shoulder.

"I know you do honey, I know you do," she rubbed my back soothingly.

"Do you think I could do it, raise another woman's baby?" I asked her.

"It's not about what I think, do you think you could?"

"Fuck knows," I laughed through my tears.

"Let's get you to bed," I heard Noah say, as he stretched his hand out to pull me up.

These are the best friends I could ever ask for, and God, I am so lucky to have them in my life.

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