Angel eyes - George Weasley X Reader

part 33

        ⚠️panic attacks, talks of death⚠️

y/n's pov
i jolted awake with a scream as i sat myself up in my bed; sweating and crying. i flicked my bedside lamp on to find george but he was gone. everyone was. i panicked until i looked at the clock and saw it was breakfast. before i knew it, my breathing was getting heavier and my chest was tightening by the second; my head was pounding and i couldn't focus on anything. "fuck. okay y/n breathe " i said to myself; but i did the complete opposite. at this point i was gasping for air, but it felt like i wasn't getting any. " get your fucking shit together!" i screamed as i heard a door click open. lee ran through from the bathroom and sat down in front of me; cupping my face in his hands. " you're okay; just listen to me " he said softly. " breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. come on, do it with me " he continued as he started breathing as he explained. i attempted it; but failed. " you can do this. i'm right here ". " in through my nose, out through my mouth " i repeated, breathing in time with lee. " that's it, you've got it sweetheart, keep going " he supported as there was a cry of laughter that boomed from right outside the door. i was still crying a little and my breathing was still pretty messed up but it was calming down until that. i soon realised that it was the twins and sighed in relief; going back to the breathing with lee. they came through the door but soon stopped laughing when they saw lee and i.

" y/n? what's happened?" fred asked, walking closer to us. " not now, fred. give her a minute " lee replied, rubbing my arm. " what's wrong with her? what's happened?" he pushed. " i said not now, fred. does she look like she's okay? " lee snapped. the twins stared aimlessly at me as lee turned my face back to him, focusing on my breathing again. " we wont talk about anything you don't want to okay? just take your time, however long it takes " he said quietly as he pulled me into a hug. i nodded against his chest and wrapped my around his torso. the door opened to reveal dumbledore stood in the frame, looking over at us. " may i have a word, dear?" he asked me as lee pulled away. i nodded as lee kissed my head and left with the twins, closing the door slightly behind them. " i'm sorry to call in early my dear girl, i just wanted to tell you that i have signed you off of your classes for two weeks. now, if you want to go then you can but i understand how you are feeling right now so i thought it would be nice for you to have time to grieve and heal " he explained, taking lee's seat. i nodded in reply as he watched my face for any expression. " over the last five years, i have watched a bright and clever girl being torn down and ripped apart but not once have you let it affect who you are. no one would understand what it feels like to go through half the things you have pulled through. but thats the most important part; you have pulled through them. you're not a bad person, you're a very good person which bad things have happened to, but not once have you ever let your past shape who you are today. you're a strong girl y/n, you will get through this. now remember, you may come across a decision with in which, you will have to choose between what is right, and what is easy. you have many amazing friends surrounding you, do not be afraid to open up and talk to them. help will always be given at hogwarts to those who ask for it "- and with that, he smiled, got up and left.

                                       ~•~

" we're going to head down to dinner, are you coming?" hermione asked, poking her head around the door. i shook my head as she sighed. " you need to eat y/n. staying up here isn't going to help you-". i shook my head again and turned myself over onto my other side so my back was towards her, i heard her sigh and walk out. i sat up after a few minutes, sighing before grabbing my ukulele from underneath my bed and started to play bubblegum by clairo.

" y/n?" i heard a familiar dreamy voice come from behind the door before it opened slightly- revealing luna. " i thought you could use some company " she smiled as she sat on my bed whilst i put my instrument away and smiled slightly at her. " you don't need to talk but you can tell me to leave, i won't mind if you don't want me here but i didn't really fancy being in the hall today ". " that's okay " i whispered. " i'm sorry about your father y/n, he was a very kind man- i can tell by the way he took care of you " she said, rubbing my hand with her thumb. i nodded and brought my knees up to my chest, resting my chin in the crevice. " can you tell me about your creatures? " . she looked at me with awe in her deep blue eyes and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. " really? you-you'll actually listen to me?" she asked as her tone made my stomach drop.

i knew that she was surprised because not many people listen to her, most people just made fun of her and laughed at her when she spoke of things like nargles. i didn't, i loved hearing her talk so excitedly about them because she knew i was actually paying attention to her.  " ... and wrackspurts are invisible creatures that float in your ears and make your brain go fuzzy. they're really fascinating actually! you need special glasses to see them, they're called spectrespecs! and then there's the thestrals which you have already met but you should come with me one day to feed them! it's quite magnificent " she gushed as she finished. " i definitely will " i replied, quietly. " i better get back to the ravenclaw tower, it was great to see you! i'll stop by soon again ". " thanks luna, see you soon ".

                                       ~•~

the stars were my escape for tonight, along with the storm right above the castle's grounds. most people hate the rain. i love it. as when i'm crying, i'm not alone- the sky is crying with me. i felt so tired and exhausted although i had been in bed all day and pretty much had slept the day away. it was then that i realised- sleep will never be enough if it's my soul that's tired. " i hope you're having fun up there dad " i smiled to myself as tears started to cascade down my face. i had always wondered about death; whether there was another life before this and if there's any after this or if the end really is the end with nothing else but the big sleep after this existence. i refused to believe that sirius just blacked out, there had to be something else, right? was there another reality out there in which he was still with me? are we happy as a family? was mum, aidan and olly still with us? i had no idea, i would never wish the pain of death upon anybody. i didn't want to experience the pain of death but now, the pain of living seemed worse; because maybe death hurts less than the life i live.

i know that my dad was never really close with uncle reg, but i just hoped that they had reunited and put past behind them and were having the best time together as brothers. the thing about the black family is that they were named after constellations, alignments in the sky. for dad, i looked out for the orion nebula; it was out there, along with arcturus. i smiled as small tears fell slowly. they were together again. the stars were shining brighter than usual tonight, he was up there now and finally free... he was the brightest of them all.