I solemnly swear that I am up to no good | Professor Remus Lupin

Chapter 60- the party

I went back to the others and no one had seemed to noticed that I was gone for a little long time. They were busy talking about something and just a short while later, we decided to get to the party. Some other students had already went to the party, so we weren't the first once. When we walked inside, the party was already happening and the trio disappeared into the crowd. I noticed Grace looking around for George, so I pointed at the twins as I sighted them. Fred was talking - or more like trying to flirt, by the look of it - to Angelina, while his twin brother just stood besides them. He seemed a little lost and swallowed his whole cup after he glanced over at his brother.

„What are you waiting for?" I asked Grace, who just watched her uncomfortable soon-to-be-boyfriend.

„I don't know...what if-" she started and the worry in her voice already told me that she was about to doubt herself again, so I interrupted her.

„No more what ifs, Grace. Go get your man" I motivated her and softly pushed her in his direction.

„You are right" She breathed out, before she made her way through the crowd. On her way George sighted her and looked relieved and happy to see her.

I watched her as she relaxed a little and quickly got comfortable with him. Standing there I figured, that I couldn't just stand there and watch my best friends, like a creep. So I got to the makeshift bar, the twins turned a bookshelf into and made myself a drink.

When I turned around I almost let the drink fall down, because Harry was standing right in front of me.

„Hey Maeve" he greeted me with a weird look on his face. I really hoped that he didn't want to talk about my secret relationship.

„Hey Harry..." I said with hesitation.

„You have a moment?" He asked me and nodded towards the door out of the common room. This seemed to be serious and I followed him. He lead us out of the common room onto the staircase. The Gryffindor's portrait closed behind me so the music sounded only muffled. The ‚fat lady' watched us carefully and Harry turned towards her and his look told her that this was a private conversation.

„Okay okay!" She replied and defensively hold her hand up, then she sighted me and a weird expression appeared on her face. „You are the girl, that looked so familiar..."she remembered. „Still haven't figured it out"

Harry grabbed me by my arm and lead me a few steps down the staircase, so she couldn't listen.

I questioningly looked at Harry and wondered what he wanted to talk about. And when he didn't say anything and I saw him growing more and more nervous, I decided to make a move.

„What is it, Harry?" I asked slowly. He leaned against the railing of the staircase and looked down on the moving stairs, not facing me.

„Yesterday I talked with Lupin about my parents." He started and made a longer pause. „I told him, what I had found out about Sirius...that he was - or is - my godfather. That he betrayed my parents and got them murdered..." His voice got lower and I placed my hand on his shoulder.

„Harry-" I began and wanted to say something comforting, that would make him feel any better, but I didn't find any words.

„I...I just hate the fact, that he is my godfather, this makes him almost related to me. I would never want to be related to...to this monster in any way. I mean, my parents...they must have trusted him, right?" Harry said more to himself than to me, but looked at me with tears in his eyes.

„Oh Harry..." I said before I hugged him. I was unable to reply, because my head was filled by the worries of me being related to Sirius. I had feared this alone and always had been scared, that maybe Sirius knew about me, but Harrys words made me fear about how people around me would react... The thought of Remus finding out tensed me up and I stopped hugging him. He sat down on the staircase and I sank down next to him.

„I don't know what to tell you...after everything I have heard about Sirius, I think he was mostly under the control of you-know-who" I said towards Harry after I collected myself again.

„Lupin said the same thing..." Harry stated almost emotionless. „I get that he defends him, because he was his best friend...but you? I told you because I thought you would understand my perspective...and know how it is to loose your parents..." he said and I heard anger in his voice, that he tried to opress.

„Harry, I didn't want to defend him and I know how life is without parents. I understand that you don't want to be related to him, in any from, but your parents chose him to be your godfather. I only judged by everything I have heard, alright? And Remus told me many stories about their time at Hogwarts, about Sirius and your parents...based on that and I believe Remus, when he says, that he never thought Sirius would be capable of ever doing anything bad to his friends, especially not your parents. That's why I think Voldemort manipulated him, but this doesn't defend his actions...You understand?" I told Harry and he took a while to let the words sink in. I turned away again and looked down the stairs.

Suddenly Harry stood up and walked the stairs up to the common room again. I ran after him. „Harry wait!"

On the top of the stairs he stopped and turned to me, he looked at me with a strange expression on his face.

„Are you related to him?" He suddenly asked and I quickly replied with „No", maybe too fast, because he didn't look like he bought it. I didn't even know, if I was lying right now, since I didn't even know.

„No i am not related to Sirius Black" I answered again, but this time more calm and with a clear and louder voice. He still didn't believe me and without saying anything, he turned around and walk through the Gryffindors portrait. The door feel in its lock and I just stared at the place Harry had been.

„That it!" The fat lady suddenly stated, but her expression quickly turned from realization to anger and fear. „You have his eyes...the devils eyes. The same Black had..." she breathed out and hid behind a tall vase, as if she suddenly was scared of me.

Without saying anything I left. I quickly made my way to the Ravenclaw tower and got to Grace and mine empty room. I loudly closed the door behind me and got angry at myself. I didn't even know if I really was related to Sirius Black and not knowing annoyed me. But the more I thought about the consequences, I honestly didn't even want to know. I was too sacred, that the answer was yes.

I paced around the room in circles and thought about how I could solve my problem. My main worry was, that Remus would find out and would leave me. This man had destroyed so much for him, not only their friendship by everything he had done, he had killed one of the four best friends and betrayed a second one and his wife, causing them to lose their life and risking their newborn...

Remus would have every reason to absolutely hate this man and if I really was related to him, I was extremely scared of what his reaction would be... Could he still love me?

I wanted to talk about this with him so bad. Like I always did when I had worries... we both told each other almost everything and I didn't want to lie to him ever...but the more I thought about it, I figured I couldn't. I couldn't let him know, this would destroy our relationship. I was convinced, that he could never be able to love me, if he ever found out.

Often this night I took out our notebook and almost wrote something into it, but stopped myself every time. I laid awake for a long time and didn't found any sleep.

I feared his reaction so much, that I told myself, I should stop worrying since I didn't even know if I even was related to Black. The mysterious Orion could be anyone and there definitely want only one, right? Probably I wasn't related to Black and just overthought it way too much...

If Remus couldn't completely hate Sirius after everything he did, maybe he could still love me, if I was related to him... was my last thought before I finally drifted off to sleep.