I solemnly swear that I am up to no good | Professor Remus Lupin

Chapter 43 | holidays

Remus and I visited Hogsmeade later that day and were glad that we never met anyone from school. We walked through the in snow covered streets and looked at the lit up windows of the shops. We ate something on one of the pubs and warmed ourselves up. Even though no other Hogwarts student nor teacher would be here too, we didn't kiss in public,just to be sure. But it wasn't difficult at all, even though we were crazy for each other we just talked about random things, shared stories and laughed a lot. It was one of the most beautiful days I have ever had. I looked out of the pub window and noticed that it had already turned pitch black outside. Remus had ordered himself a coffee and i smiled to myself, when i thought of the situation i was in. It felt like a dream coming true and i remembered all the moments I had wished that this would become reality. When I mentally went through those memories, i remembered two times when he was about to say something, but we got interrupted. I had always wondered about what he wanted to tell me...

"Remus.." i began and he looked at with a smile, signaling me to continue. "In the hospital wing when I cleaned your injuries and in the library you had wanted to tell me something... remember what it was? It was something like 'you really need to stop...' or something like that...?"

He chuckled to himself and nodded knowingly. "I remember..."

"What was it?"

"You need to stop blushing..." he said while he leaned forward. "...because this really makes me want to kiss you."

Ironically this caused me to blush again and I smiled down at the table. "Really?"

He nodded and returned the smile as he noticed that I had blushed again. "To be honest, nearly everything you do makes me want to kiss you..."

"I can only return that...If you knew how I felt in those moments. I was so torn apart because I wanted you and i always convinced myself that you would never want me..." I replied truthfully.

"It felt so right and so wrong at the same time...I always had the urge to tell you, but then I thought that you never could love me. I am not the guy girls fall in love with...I mean look at me, i don't deserve you at all..." he answered and i took his hand and couldn't stop myself from snacking my head.

"Love doesn't need to be archived or deserve, Remus. And I know that this won't come over night, but I want you to always remember, that it is you, that I want and no one else. I would always chose you, because...because you feel like home" I said and felt my voice changing at this really emotional topic and he took my hand and slowly stroke it.

"It is still unbelievable to me...how a someone like me could end up with someone as beautiful as you..." he continued.

"You really underestimated yourself, baby..."

"Maybe it looks like that to you...but I can't stop thinking about myself as not good enough and too dangerous, especially for you." He replied and I wanted to interrupt him again but he continued. "I have told you how my life has been...and then you walked into it and you honestly changed everything and I don't ever want to loose you."

"I promise you that you won't loose me. I could never leave you, Remus" I answered him truthfully and we smiled at each other. It hurts me every time he was speaking so low of himself, he didn't have a clue of how much he meant to me or how happy he was that we were together. This felt like i was complete, i felt at home wherever he was and it felt like true love.

The waitress came with Remus coffee and we changed the topic. At first I continued to explain him further instructions to take the wolfsbane. I seemed to be just as nervous as he was about the whole thing and I insisted to be there when he would transform, it wouldn't be dangerous if the potion worked and I needed to be there if something would happen. Remus found out pretty quick, that arguing with me didn't lead to something, so he gave in.