I solemnly swear that I am up to no good | Professor Remus Lupin

Chapter 28 | Coffee

The whole day I spent with the twins collecting spiders, gladly I wasn't too afraid of them. After we used a spell on them, that froze them until the evening of the next day, the diner in the great hall was served. The four of us still were planning the prank and Grace got more and more into it. Sometimes I looked over to the teacher table only to find Remus staring at me. Sometimes he didn't even seem to realize that I had noticed it, other times he smiled at me, which caused me to blush.

I took a sip of my drink and my eyes wandered towards him again. This time I catched him off guard and I noticed that he didn't really know what to do, he seemed nervous. I couldn't help but smile at his clumsy behavior. It was really cute and he tried to took his eyes away, but his eyes turned back towards me. This time he smiled back and the both of us blushed and turned away again.

I smiled to myself and wanted to turn back to my friends, so that they wouldn't suspect anything. As I looked up at them again, I found the three of them staring at me. It was already too late, they had noticed.

"What?" I tried to play it off, but they lifted their brows.

"Did you already-" Fred began.
"What? No!" I answered truthfully.
"Are you sure?" George dig deeper.
"Yes...and it will probably stay like that" I said and felt myself getting sad.
"Doesn't seem like it, if you ask me" Grace said. "I think he likes you just as much as you like him..." The twins and i turned her toward her.
"Don't be silly, he doesn't love me" I told her.
"Love?" Fred repeated my words.
"You love him" George stated.
"No...did I say love?"

"Yes Maeve" Grace said and took my hand in hers and looked me deep in my eyes.

"I...I don't know. Do I...do I love him?" I asked more to myself. I didn't knew how it would feel like to be in love, he felt different like anyone else, but how could I be sure it was love? Especially if I had never felt it before, at least not like this?

"How does it feel like...to be in love, I mean?" I asked them but all of them shrugged.

........................

The next morning I woke up earlier than I intended. Today would be an eventful day I thought to myself before I showered and got ready. I put on a dark blue dress that was a little poofy and short. But as I stepped out of the bathroom I decided to throw a black turtleneck under it and topped my outfit off with a black baker boy hat. The outfit had turned out cute than I had thought. I smiled as I looked into the mirror and collected the things I would need. My notebook, a big bag for the paint, my wand and I decided it would be best to take the marauders map with me. After I stuffed everything in my bag I went down into the common room. It was completely empty.

I walked down the moving stairs and looked at the clock in front of the great hall. It was seven in the morning, but since it was Saturday nearly no student was awake yet. Good for me, I though. This way it would be easy for me to get the paint without any complications.

And I really got the paint without bumping into anyone. I had checked the map one time to make sure, no one was around. After I successfully got the paint and secured in my room, I decided to walk back down and get something to eat. So I headed to the kitchen.

Outside the door I already heard that I wouldn't be the only one this time. I heard a male voice arguing with one of the house-elves, but I walked in anyway. As i looked who it was I found myself drowning in the familiar beautiful eyes again and stopped in my tracks immediately. First he seemed uneasy, but as he saw me his mood lightened up.

"Maeve" he greeted me with a smile, he seemed to be downing in my eyes too.

"Remus...i mean Professor" i stuttered and corrected myself.

"It's alright-" he began but got interrupted by the house-elf that pulled on his blazer.

"Sir? Should I make you a coffee anyway, now?" The elf asked, but Remus didn't take his eyes off of me for one second.

"...Yes" he muttered and waved with his hand, to signal the elf to go away. We didn't break our eye contact. "Do you want one too?" He asked me.

"I would love too"

The house-elf walked off and we continued drowning in each other's eyes, which felt like an eternity. I couldn't help but blush and he broke the eye contact as he noticed. I saw that he smiled to himself and looked down to hide it.

"You want chocolate?" He asked me and looked back to me.

"I can't say no to that..." i answered with a smile. He took a step towards me and fished in his pocket for the chocolate. When our hands met as he handed me the chocolate, i blushed again. It was like i felt his touch for the first time again.

After the elf gave us our coffee we decided to walk around the castle. We ate the chocolate, drank the coffee and talked about many different things. During the conversation one thing led to another and he told me funny stories of his live and I listened closely. The uneasiness that had first surrounded him was completely gone and he stemmed to enjoy telling me those stories. We philosophized about different topics and shared our experiences while we walked around the castle. We had decided to walk outside and we arrived near Hagrid's hut after awhile.

"Ah, here are we" I said as I saw the hut. "I never took that way before"

"I told you, I know every path and room of Hogwarts" he said with a proud smile.

"Did you have had the winter ball too?" I asked him after we had sat down on a bench that had a great view over the Hogwarts garden near Hagrid's.

"Yes of course"

"Who did you go with?" I asked him without thinking. For some reason this was 5he first question that came to my mind. This sounds so bloody idiotic, i thought to myself. Was I jealous?

"Well, to be honest, i didn't have a date." He answered truthfully. "Sirius was always the one that got the girls, James had Lily and i remembered that even peter had a date" he said and laughed to himself.

"Why?" I felt sorry for him, but the thought of seeing him with another woman made me really upset.

"I just asked two girls last minute, but they didn't want to. So I went alone" he said and smiled at me. But his smile was sad.

"They were idiots not to go with you" I answered. I wanted to punch myself again at this stupid words.

"I can't blame them, but I am sure you-" he started but I interrupted him.

"Well, I can. I would have said yes" I said and hated myself immediately. Did the elf put veritaserum in the bloody coffee? He looked at me surprised and before he could say something i stood up. "I am sorry...i need to go" i tried to talk myself out of this and before he could answer something i had walked away.

He's probably going to think i have a crush on him, well I have, but I didn't wanted him to know. I really messed that up, I thought to myself on my way back. I stormed into my room and Grace looked at me surprised.

"What happened?" She slowly asked me. She immediately sensed that something was wrong. I looked at her for a few seconds before I bursted out into tears and told her the whole story.

"I really messed this up. What if he knows that I like him now? He won't talk to me again, he will ignore me for sure. Why did I have to say that. I am so stupid, Grace"

"Maeve, calm down. That you said, you would have theoretically went to the ball with him doesn't mean immediately that he knows that you like him. You are overreacting, I promise that he won't ignore you. Don't you see the way he looks at you, he couldn't ignore you even if he wanted to!"

She helped me calm down and I decided to put in makeup to hide the fact, that I had cried. I believed her words, but I still hated myself for saying things without thinking. It's as what I had felt, but he was my teacher and I had feelings for him, but I couldn't just say that. This would put him in a horrible position and I didn't wanted to get rejected by him. I was way too anxious about that he could say no, that i promised myself to never tell him my real feelings...