I solemnly swear that I am up to no good | Professor Remus Lupin

Chapter 36 | Violating the rules

I felt one last hot breath from the werewolf on my face before he ran away. I stayed there for a few more minutes that i needed to process what just happened. I had so many mixed emotions. I wondered if Remus would remember what i just had confessed to him. According to the research I had done on werewolves for Snape's essay a person with lycanthropy was able to remember what they did after the transformation when they became human again.

I slowly began to stand up and walked towards the castle again. I laid down in my bed, but couldn't sleep. My thoughts were circling around Remus and my feelings for him. If I was being completely honest I always knew that I loved him. I never planned it and I wasn't able to do anything against it. But every time I looked at him I had felt it. Completely clear. I had never and probably will never feel the same about another person, like I did for him. I couldn't describe the feeling, but I knew it was love.

Grace came back at some point in this night, but I was laying on my side and she probably thought that I was sleeping. I didn't find any sleep. When the sun came back up I decided to take a shower. I tried to be as silent as possible because I didn't wanted to wake Grace up. She was sleeping like a baby and probably not even a dragon could wake her up.

When I was sitting in the shower I mentally argued with myself about what I should do next. I obviously couldn't tell the twins or Grace what had happened, because that would include telling his secret. In the end i came to the conclusion that it was now his turn to make a move. I had told him my honest feelings and I would wait for a reaction from him. I was just hoping that he felt the same, even if it meant this meant trouble since he was still my teacher. But this didn't stop me...I have broken many rules in this school already and even if this was wrong...it felt right. I was never in my life more sure about something than my feelings towards him.

I wrapped myself in a towel when I walked out of the shower and got ready for the day. I heard some noises from Grace when I walked back into our room.

"Morning" I greeted her with a smile.

"Morning" she answered and turned around to face me. She had a wide smile on her face.

"Seems like you had a good night" I asked with a risen eyebrow. Her smile widened and she slowly sat up in her bed.

"More than good" she answered and I began to get ready.

"Let me just get dressed and I will get us both something to eat and you tell me everything alright?" I asked her and she nodded happily.

"You are the best, Maeve" she said and I replied with a wink, before I got dressed. "Oh and could you bring coffee?" She asked me and I nodded. When I was ready I left and went down to the kitchen to get something to eat and coffee. Barely any students were sitting in the great hall as I walked by. I glanced over at the teachers table. No Remus, but I noticed that Snape was angrily talking to Dumbledore. It seemed like he was complaining about something.

I walked back upstairs and when I arrived at our room again Grace had got dressed too. We sat down at her bed and ate breakfast while she told me how romantic her night had been. She said it was absolutely gorgeous, but they hadn't kissed. They mainly had danced the whole night and he was veery cute to her. The whole time her eyes were glowing and she always was smiling. I tried to hold back imagining doing this with him. Even though it seemed hopeless I still hoped that some day I will be able to be doing the things with him, that I only could dream of now.

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On Monday morning Grace and the twins left Hogwarts and went home to their families over the holidays. Luna went home too and normally I would go home too. But Christmas holidays were completely different. Normally I would consider them family, but every Christmas reminded me that they weren't my really family after all. Both of them got really nostalgic because Lunas mother died on the first day of Christmas. I always felt like I didn't belong there, that's why I decided to stay in Hogwarts over those holidays since the last three years.