The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Concert

His shirt was totally demolished, so my hands ended up on his bare back. I felt the skin, and it gave me shivers. I pulled away quickly, brushing my hair behind my face nervously, before shaking it back to cover it.

"Hey, do you wanna come to another of our concerts?" Ronnie asked me. I peeked up at him and nodded, biting my lip while I tried to deal with all these emotions.

'No one can save you.' Voices whispered in my head, but there was a single whisper saying 'let him in, let him help you, he can heal you'. Thats bullshit! If I did that I'd get him killed!

"Ok, lets go then" Ronnie said, pulling me along. I shuffled next to him, my mind clogged with worries. What was I supposed to do? Should I even bother going back tonight or should I just stop?

If I stopped, he'd probably just grab me at Warped Tour whenever he got back. But was that the point, to see whether or not I'd keep going back? Damnit!

I veered away from Ronnie, sending him a shy wave and then climbing over the barricade to the merch tent.

"Hey Janey" I mumbled, and got into the zone of handing out merch and collecting the money. I took people's gifts for Ronnie, promising them that I would make sure he got them.

There were teddy bears, letters, and more. You name it, and a fan got it for Ronnie.

The whole day I was contemplating what to do. Should I risk getting in trouble by not going? Or should I go and waste another night of him not being there?

Or, what if I went for a little bit, then if he didn't show, I would walk back and sleep in my bed. That sounded rather nice. I think the bags under my eyes could give an insomniac's eyes a run for their money.

After my shift was over, I headed back to the bus and laid down. I think I would take a nap, I hadn't really slept in a long time.

I lay down on the soft mattress, my eyes closing and my whole body sighing as I sank down. It felt so much better than the rocky ground of the forest.

When I woke up, I rolled out of bed and grabbed clean clothes. I got plain black harem pants, and a Falling In Reverse shirt. I stumbled my way to the bathroom.

I locked the door and then I stripped, peeling off my dirty clothes before stepping into the shower. I washed my hair and rubbed the grit from my body.

When I was clean, I turned off the water and pulled a towel out of the shelf, wrapping my hair up, before grabbing another and wrapping up my body.

I stepped out nimbly and dried off. I pulled on the clean clothes, spraying some cologne on and then started on my makeup.

With my healing bruises covered, I outlined my eyes with black eye shadow, drawing them out into wings, and then drew a line downwards, like an upside down wing.

I grimaced in the mirror and turned away. I guess it would do, I was running out of time. I pulled on a Falling In Reverse wolf vest, put on my wristbands and gloves, and then walked out of the bathroom. I grabbed an apple from the fridge and hopped off the bus.

I ate the apple as I walked, and threw it off into the grass to the side, heading my way to the stages.

I guess I probably should have found out where Ronnie was playing, that way I wouldn't have to look through all the stages to find him.

When I did find him, I walked into the fan area, expecting to be in the back, but someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Excuse me miss, are you Ryker?" A security guard asked me. Uh oh, was I in trouble?

"Uh yeah, why?" I asked him, worried. Was I gonna get kicked out? Had I done something?

"If you'll follow me miss" he said, trying to lead me away from the other fans, some of whom had turned to look at us. "Ronnie has requested that you stand with us outside of the barricade, by the stage, so you don't get scared by all the people" the guard said, and this time I let him lead me away, slinking around the barricades and right to the front of the stage.

I blushed as I thought back to what he had said. He had told the security guards to search for me? And then lead me, basically to a VIP front row area where I was away from all the other fans, and closest to the stage.

All to make sure I didn't have a panic attack or anxiety attack from all the bodies around me? I couldn't help but blush. He had remembered that?

Some of the fans looked at me with jealous envy, others smiled and waved, and still others glared and muttered bad things under their breath.

I did my best to ignore them, standing away from the barricade and watching the stage, waiting to see Ronnie and the others come out.

It was almost nostalgic, standing there. It had been such a long time, and so many things had changed since I had first stood here, or close to here, and seen Falling In Reverse play for the first time, as my first concert. And now I was standing here, 50 pounds lighter, weaker, more sickly, and trapped by the fear of causing others to be hurt because of me. How far I had gone back, oh what I wouldn't do to be back in that place, start over.

Maybe if I did something different, it wouldn't have ended up like this! But there was no use wishing, it wouldn't happen.

When they finally came out, they all waved to me, and as Ronnie and I locked eyes, he smiled broadly at me, and then it wasn't the heated arena causing my face to be red.

I watched them play a few sets, before my head started to spin. I felt dizzy all of a sudden, my eyesight blurry. I think I tried to put a hand on my forehead, and that's all I remember.

I feel a wetness on my forehead, and I open my eyes to see brown ones looking back at me. "Ryker? Are you okay?" Ronnie asked me, laying the wet washcloth - so that's what it was -on my forehead.

"What happened?" I groaned, my head killed and my body felt sore.

"Well, you fell down and hit your head. So I jumped off the stage and brought you backstage. The others are amusing the fans while Im here with you" he explained, sitting back.

I looked around, I was laying on a couch, in a dimly lit room. This must be their room to chill in while they get ready for shows.

"Mmm, you should go back, you have to finish the show" I mumbled, closing my eyes.

"Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone" Ronnie said hesitantly. I could tell he didn't want to leave, but he had to.

"Go" I said, waving him off. My eyes were too heavy to keep open, so I only saw him get up before they closed. I was already half un-conscious by the time he got to the door.

"Take care of her" I heard him whisper to someone, and then I was out.