The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

READ THE SEPARATE BOOK

**** So obviously you guys are gonna see her addiction in this book, and it's also gonna get more affectionate in sexual ways I guess? Hope you don't mind, I know some of you prefer sexy, and others prefer innocent, so I'll try my best to satisfy all of you and do both :) ****

After a while there was a sound of feet pounding and then I felt simultaneous relief and dread when I saw Ronnie come in.

I was happy to see him, but I also felt the guilt and shame in a way that made it painful to see him, to be around him.

"Ry, you're up! How are you? Are you okay? What happened?" Ronnie asked, rushing over and sitting on the bed. "Erm, yeah. I guess I was just tired from the nightmares and such..." I trailed off, looking down.

Ronnie took my hand and sighed. "Hey, why don't we go bowling?!" He suggested, and I looked at him in surprise. Of all the random suggestions, why bowling?

Max cheered and Luna nodded, pulling out her phone and calling Echo to invite her and Andy.

I stayed in the bed, hugging my legs to my chest, and laying my head on my knees in pain.

How could I have done this to Ronnie, to everyone?

Because you're a coward.

Heroin understands.

Heroin is the answer.

Always the answer!

No! Heroin was the cause of some of these problems! Heroin didn't help really, it only hurt! Heroin hurt, it hurt me, it hurt them, it hurt everyone!

God damn it, when would I realize that what I do, hurts people?!!! It's not just about me, it's about everyone! I'm just wrecking everything that's good in my life...... Is heroin worth that?

Of course!

No. No it wasn't.

And yet....

I know I'll do it again.

I didn't want to but...

It was inevitable.

I couldn't stop myself....

I just needed some quiet, everything was so loud in my head....

But of course everyone decided to arrive then, and soon we were setting off and getting in cars.

I wanted nothing more than to huddle under the covers and hide in this bed forever. Maybe if I stayed under long enough I'd die and then I'd never hurt anyone again........

But one look at Ronnie and I was standing up, my heart pounding as he took my hand and I followed him outside. Would he notice the way I shook? Would he tell by the way my eyes were on fire, and no doubt red and bloodshot? Would he notice the way I twitched?

But he just smiled and hugged me close as we drove, and with every bump of the road I was tossed closer to him and farther on top of him. By the time we made it to the bowling alley, I was entirely in his lap, with my face pressed into his chest.

Heroin

Heroin.

Heroin!

It whispered to me, quiet right now. But by the end of the night I'm sure it'd get louder and louder until it was screaming at me and I would give in.

I didn't want to. But I would.

For now, I tried to ignore it as I tumbled out of the car and clung to Ronnie's hand in mine, hugging his arm for comfort. The closer I was to him, the quieter the voice was.