The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Shattered

I woke up covered in sweat, fear instilled in my heart. I panted heavily as I tried to calm down. I had relived everything that night, like always.

The one-sided kiss, the rejection, the girlfriend, everything. And then of course, the horrible meeting I had with Him. I shuddered just thinking about it. How could he be back? How could he have found me so fast? Was it well-known that I was at Warped?

I took a shower to wash off and got dressed quickly. I applied my eyeshadow with shaky hands, not even able to put on Chapstick from all the terrified shudders.

I was shaking so badly that I could hardly walk. I tripped and fell, bashing my head on the bunk above mine. I grabbed my head in pain and whimpered. Everything was just turning to shit, wasn't it? I couldn't even function anymore.

I took deep breaths and walked off the bus, heading towards the tent. I stopped in my tracks when I spotted Ronnie and Daisy standing together. He had his arm around her and her delicate hand was holding his.

My heart thudded painfully, before stopping completely. When Ronnie leaned in and kissed her, I felt myself fall apart. My heart shattered then, as I realized it was for real. They were really together. I knew it before, but seeing them kiss had made it painfully concrete. It was painful to see.

I turned away and ran as quickly as I could, desperate to escape what I had just seen. I had to get away, fast. I didn't want to go to a tree, because I knew that Ronnie would be able to find me there, but the only other choice was a corn field that reminded me too much of where I almost got taken and killed.

So I steered towards the tree and climbed as high as I could. Up there, I was hidden, free to cry as much as I wanted, because no one could see me.

So that's exactly what I did. I cried my heart out. Tears poured out of my eyes as if they were a faucet, and my throat closed up. Then I heard the giggle. I had a pretty good guess who's it was. I waited until they had passed under me, holding hands and smiling.

Ronnie looked so happy, I couldn't help but at least feel somewhat glad for him. It broke me to know it, but I knew that she made him happy, somehow he liked her. I found her bitchy and annoying, but that's probably just because I'm jealous and mad at her for getting Ronnie.

I was shattered.

I climbed down quickly and slinked away silently, not glancing back once. I don't think they noticed me at all. It made me relieved and sad at the same time.

I found a quiet place in between the buses and sat down. I leaned against the bus and leaned my head back, letting more tears slowly slide down my face. I bit my lip in painful sorrow and sighed heavily. How had I become so outwardly emotional? Ronnie had done crazy things to my insides, I wasn't even myself anymore.

I heard footsteps but I didn't open my eyes. They'd see me anyways, but that didn't mean I had to see them. I didn't expect them to stop though, so I was surprised when I heard the silence of them pausing.

"Hey, whoever they are, they're not worth your tears" a voice said. I opened my eyes in shock and stared at them. "Hey listen, I have to go, but you're beautiful and one day it won't be so hard, you'll be ok" Vic said, smiling at me. I nodded softly to him, and he walked away with a wave farewell.

I sat there for a long time afterwards, thinking. Vic was kind even though he didn't know me, not that that was surprising, but it made me feel something I hadn't felt in a long time. A sliver of hope. Maybe it would get better. Maybe I wouldn't always be this damaged and broken.

I hadn't even noticed how long it had been, and pretty soon dark had fallen and I was all alone. I stood up and took a step to walk away when someone grabbed me forcefully.

A hand clamped over my mouth before I could scream and the other dug into my stomach painfully. There was a knife at my throat I think, I could feel the cold, menacing metal.

"I warned you, I told you I'd come for you if you didn't show up" the voice whispered into my ear. I shuddered and struggled, desperately trying to get away. How could I have been so stupid? Always putting myself in situations where I'm alone and virtually defenseless? Stupid!

"I guess I'll have to teach you a lesson for disobeying me, you remember how this goes, right?" They said, delight laced into their voice.

I stiffened as the memories came flooding into my mind, horrific, graphic, and horrible. "That's my good girl" the voice said, and more memories came flooding back.

I stood stiff in terror while they dragged me away from anyone that could help, alone into the forest.