The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

READ THE SEPARATE BOOK

****I'm so sorry guys, please don't give up ahhhh I know I'm horrible but not forever

So this story is actually pretty accurate in terms of her addiction, the symptoms and such. Ive researched it and put it to good use by including accuracy in the story.

So the runny nose, dry mouth, scratching, vomiting, and dream-like wandering, the drowsiness, those are all real symptoms of heroin abuse. And heroin, like other opiates, actually make your pupils smaller, they don't dilate your eyes like marijuana and other drugs

The euphoric effect of initial heroin injection usually lasts about 45 seconds to a few minutes. The effects of heroin generally lasts 3-5 hours ****

My nose started running, my arms got itchy, and my mouth was dry. I grabbed the water bottle and drank some, but no matter what I did my mouth felt too dry.

I leaned into the mirror in front of me, laughing when I saw my eyes. My pupils were so small!

My face was flushed, and I couldn't stop scratching my arm.

I rubbed my nose with my hand and pulled on the hoodie, pocketing all my stuff and then walked out of the building.

It was kind of foggy, but I remember just smiling this stupid little smile. I was happy about everything.

I laughed for a few minutes, and then the extreme drowsiness came on as the euphoria faded away.

That's just one of the many things about heroin. You just don't care, so you don't feel bad, you feel nothing, you feel good initially, it's a mix, a blank giddiness. When the joy passes away, the blankness comes on. Each is equally as calming as a relief of the pain.

I wandered around town for a while, in a dream-like state. I was so tired, and my arms hurt from scratching them but I couldn't help but scratch them...

I rubbed my head and scratched it a little bit, messing up my hair. Every few steps, I found myself leaning against the wall, closing my eyes.

I was tired, oh so tired...

I veered into an alley and vomited, nearly falling down. I had to grab onto the bricks of the building to keep from keeling over into my puke.

I rubbed my mouth and kept walking, leaning against the wall. My eyes kept closing, and I rubbed them before scratching my arms more.

I'm so....tired.....

I felt hands on my arm, and I turned my head to see a couple teenagers huddled around me.

"Hey, are you okay?" one of them said, and I grinned. "Oh d-dear! Ive been f-found out!" I said, scratching my arm more.

"What? Are you feeling okay? You're walking strange?" Another one said, and I shook my head. "I-I'm f-fine, j-just tired! Tired. I'm so t-tired" I slurred, and I slid down to the ground.

"Dude, she's on drugs or some shit!" one of them giggled, and I sighed, leaning over and smacking their legs. "S-shh! They'll hear. I-I, I d-don't k-know what y-you're talking a-about" I slurred, my words forming awkwardly in my mouth, not coming out right.

They laughed at me, nudging each other and joking around. "I-I'm just t-tired, l-let me s-sleep!" I mumbled, scratching my arm and rubbing my head. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes.

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When the haziness of sleep left me, I opened my eyes to see Echo and Luna kneeling next to me.

"Ryker! You've been passed out for at least 5 minutes, we've been trying to wake you" Echo said, and Luna nodded. "What the hell are you doing here laying on the floor? You look like a homeless drug addict!" Luna said to me.

My heart thudded in fear.

They knew!

No, no they don't, it was just a comment....

"Sorry I went out to get Ronnie some stuff, and then I was going to pick up a pizza and meet you at your bus, but I got so tired and I guess I ended up falling asleep while I was walking" I said, sitting up and rubbing my head, still a bit dazed.

Oh no, had Ronnie found out that I wasn't with Luna and Echo? I was in trouble......shit!

"Ronnie's freaking out, he thought you were with us, so when he saw us walking on the set and you weren't with us.......well, you can imagine, he's worried" Luna said, pulling me up and peering into my face. "He thought you might have gone out to get drunk, but you don't seem drunk, just.....out of it" Luna told me, hooking my arm around hers and then hefting me all the way standing.

I pulled my phone out and saw 4 missed calls and 20 messages. I didn't even want to look, I knew most of them were from Ronnie, and probably some from Jacky or Ryan or Derek, or hell, even Max.

I rubbed my face a little and nodded. "Ok, I better go talk to him then" I mumbled, trying to wake up from the grogginess. I was still really sleepy, but I could only hope I could pull off being completely fine.

H-how do you expect to do this? Ronnie was an addict too once, you know! He knows all the symptoms, he knows the tricks and the quirks and the give-aways! You're crazy to think you can possibly hide it all from him...

Maybe that was true, but I'd hide it for as long as I could! So be it!

Luna and Echo walked next to me, hoisting me up while I tried to walk without stumbling, but my feet were asleep and my muscles were loose and I was a mess.

I probably looked so haggard, so horrible. I tried to push down my hair and rub the sleep from my eyes. I only hoped my pupils had returned to normal.

When we got closer to the bus, I started getting nervous.

I was gone for 5 hours, not responding to him or saying anything. He was probably so freaked out, how could I has done this to him? Oh god, especially since I had been taken by Him, months ago! He must had been terrified!

I broke away from Luna and Echo, running to the bus and throwing the door open.

I ran inside, yelling "Ronnie!" And rushing through the rooms, throwing open the bedroom door, checking all the bunks. But I couldn't find him anywhere.

I ran into the halls and pounded on the bathroom door, throwing it up to reveal a shirtless Ronnie. He must've come out of the shower, and he was rubbing his head with a towel to dry his hair.

"Hey, Echo told me they found you, where were you, what happened?" Ronnie asked, dropping the towel.

His jeans hung on him loosely, but for once I didn't pay attention to his body. I threw my arms around him, hugging him closely. I leaned up and kissed him full on the lips, then pulled away.

"Oh Ronnie, I'm so sorry! I was going out to-to get you something, and then I was going to pick up a pizza for the girls, but-" I said, pulling out the fruit packets in handfuls, some of them dropping to the ground.

"Oh Ry, shhhhhh, it's okay" Ronnie said to me, and I leaned down sniffling and picking up the packets.

"I-I just, I got so tired-I could hardly stand, and next thing I know I was laying on the ground and Echo and Luna. I-I don't know-" I whimpered, rubbing my tears.

"Shhh, Ry, hush" Ronnie said to me, picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom.

He lay me on the bed and hugged me, whispering, singing softly to me.

"I-I'm sorry" I whispered, clutching his shirt.

He didn't know what I really meant it for, but I did feel better saying it.

"I'm so sorry Ronnie"