The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Bonus Chapter 9

*Max*

I couldn't stop myself from sifting through every single memory I had of Ronnie. I started to think about how we were back before, when we were young, up to early Escape The Fate.

I thought of 'Janet the horse', Ronnie's old step-mom. She was such a bitch, I hated her. She's the reason I never stayed over at Ronnie's house when I needed to get away, she was why I never crashed at his house.

I remembered all the times we had together. Most of the time we were high, but that didn't change how much fun we had. We had the kind of friendship that could be mistaken for a romance, but hell if we cared. We even joked about it a lot. Guess that's why people ship us and write smut fanfiction about us.

Ronnie reads it, and I write it, of course.

Not really, but the memory of our interview where we said that brought a smile to my wet face.

He wasn't afraid to say that he loved me, even in public or on camera. We just cared so much for each other that we weren't ashamed or embarrassed to express it.

When he had to go to jail, it was horrible for me. I knew it wasn't his fault, he didn't want to leave me, but I still felt sad and abandoned. For as long as I could remember, Ronnie had been by my side, been there for me. And then, suddenly he was going to be gone for 500 days, maybe more? I asked myself, How could I get through without him?

I turned to drugs, yes, but I made it through. I made it without him. But that was only because I knew he was alive, I knew that he would be free.

But now, if I lost him, I wouldn't make it through. I wouldn't be able to tell myself that he was still out there, that he was unreachable, but it wasn't permanent. Because it could be permanent.

I could lose him for real this time.

I could lose him forever.

I remember back when he was mad at me. I was high most of the time but I still remembered some of it. It was a cycle, I was high but I remembered which drove me to get high more often so i wouldn't have to be aware that he hated me. It really hurt to know that he was upset about me.

I was just glad he had forgiven me, because I don't know what I'd do without him.

He was the reason I was clean. Without him, I would have overdosed by now, gotten in too deep, or had my ass thrown in jail. I can't do it on my own.

He was everything to me. He was my best friend, my brother. Everything that I did that was good, I did with Ronnie holding me up. Everything I accomplished, I accomplished with Ronnie pushing me forward.

I was haunted by him, memories of him, facts about him. I was diminished to tears once again when I thought of how much he loved fruit snacks. I pulled out my phone and called my friend Dante. I would call Craig cause I knew he would be up at this time, but I didn't feel right about talking to Craig right now. Him and Ronnie were still in stormy waters, and it felt wrong to talk to him right now, with Ronnie in the hospital...

When he picked up, I could hardly talk, but I managed to get some words out. I hope he understood. If he did, then I would have 50 bucks worth of gushers brought to the hospital. When Ronnie, when Ronnie woke up, he would fucking have all the gushers he could want to eat.

Now I just wish that I could find Ryker so that when, when he woke up, he would have his 2 favorite things to eat: gushers and Ryker.

Ok, maybe not.

But those were the 2 things I could think of that made him ridiculously happy. I just wanted him to be happy when he woke up.

I just wanted him to be happy and awake.