The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

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He looked up in surprise, and Morgan stepped forward, and said "And rape", adding "and a jackass" under his breath. Then Morgan leaned down and grabbed His arm, pulling Him up out of the pit. Morgan did it roughly, and as soon as He was up Morgan slammed Him to the ground.

He started to struggle, and Morgan shoved Him down and put Him in handcuffs, pulling Him along by the arm.

That's when He saw me.

I got paralyzed by His eyes, and I shook so badly that I was making Ronnie move as well. One look from Him and all the pain came back to m, crashing down worse than ever before. The punches, the kicks, the scratches, the gashes, everything. All the bruises came up, back from where they'd dissolved beneath my skin, back to the surface, throbbing and panging all over again.

He narrowed His eyes and I could see Him clench His jaw. I whimpered and hid farther into Ronnie, and Ronnie held me closer and drew me behind him protectively.

"You-! Officers, you don't understand, she's filled you with lies I'm afraid. Shes a delusional patient with Borderline personality disorder, and acute schizoid tendencies. I can show you her file, if you would kindly let me out of these handcuffs" He said, laying on His charm thick.

But they-they didn't pick up on it. They didn't go along with Him. Didn't listen to Him. They just kept pulling Him along, not saying a word after Hotchner read Him His rights.

I was relieved, but then He glared at me and it shook my bones.

He took a step towards me, and Morgan jerked Him back, getting in His face and dragging Him off ahead of me. I heard Him yelling even as He got farther and farther away.

I stood there shaking and crying, and Ronnie held me for a while. But I didn't want to be here anymore, I didn't want to stay is the damn awful place any longer.

I tried walking away, but I was crying and shaking so hard that I couldn't even walk right. Ronnie picked me and up and carried me out of the forest.

I hid my head in his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck, crying, and trying to block out the memories, the visions, the sound of Him. But I couldn't. I fucking couldn't.

His voice, His grip, His violent, pushy hands, they were all over me. I could feel them. They weren't there anymore, but I could feel them. I tried to keep it in, but I couldn't help it. I was tired of staying so...strong?....no, I wasn't strong. I was weak. Pathetic. Disgusting. I was tired, exhausted from keeping it in all the time. I didn't want to let it out, but I knew I was going to have to soon.

And better to let it out now, alone in the forest with Ronnie, then back at the hospital or in public. I didn't want anyone else to see. I didn't feel comfortable with anyone else seeing. Ronnie, he didn't say anything about it, he looked at me in concern, but he wasn't like the others. I didn't like the pitying looks. I didn't like the cautious glances, like people were walking on millimeter thin ice when they were around me, scared to crack it and break me. I didn't like it.

I didn't like being so vulnerable, so weak. I didn't want to be this way, don't they know, don't they all know that He made me this way? It's His fault, I can't help it anymore, He's beaten it into me just like He beat the bruises into me. He made me this way...

He was supposed to be the one to help me. He was supposed to help me! But He lied, He made stuff up, and He used me. Hurt me. Oh god, how did it happen? How could it have happened, there was so much security, so many people standing guard. Had they really not noticed? Sometimes I thought my screams and cries were so loud that the whole building could hear. But no one ever came to help. No one ever came to help me. Did they really not hear? Or did they just not care?

Nobody cares about me. Im just a stupid little slutty bitch. I deserve it. I had to have deserved it. He thought I deserved it. I thought I deserved it. I did...

And what about the others? The ones I had tried to tell? They hadn't listened. They thought that I had made it up. I should've known that He would have already filled them up with His charm and fancy talking. I should have known better than to try to get help there. I got in a lot of trouble when He heard about it, even though it hadn't worked.

It's not like anyone there cared about me anyways. I was just another delinquent to them, worse than just that. I was an 'attempted murderer' and 'drug dealer'. And Hell, a couple of times they beat me up themselves.

So then why wasn't Ronnie gone by now? Nobody had stayed this long. Why was He still around me? I didn't deserve it, I didn't deserve him or any of the others.

I only deserved pain.

Why was he still with me then?