The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

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****ahh I hope these are cute for you. I know you hate the drug part but there's also nice parts, yeah?

Please tell me your thoughts!****

I sat in the chair and watched everyone, feeling more like a random spectator than a part of this moment. I didn't feel like I was good enough to be part of such a wonderful experience. I felt like an intruder, an unwelcome, uninvited passer-by.

That's all I was. They thought they knew me, but I must really be a stranger to them. All my secrets are mine to keep, and I don't think I would ever tell any of them to anyone.

I had already cancelled the interview with Bryan, apologizing to him. I just couldn't handle letting people know, it was too hard, especially now that I was back to doing drugs. Bryan wasn't mad, he said he kind of expected it. I was surprised, but I guess it makes sense. I was too much of a scaredy cat to let it out.

I hated Him. But I would keep His secret, I would keep the extent of who He was to me a secret. I would probably take it to my grave.

I turned away from my thoughts, trying to focus on the people around me. The people I loved, and who maybe even loved me.

Andy and Echo were cuddling on the poolside. Ronnie and Ryan were doing backflips underwater. Derek was acting out a music video I think, or he was having a strangely beautiful seizure, one of the two. Jacky was laughing at everyone, hovering in the deep end. Luna and Max were having a splash war, and they kept getting Echo and Andy wet.

And I was sitting on a chair staring at them, nearly crying. I can't believe I've made it this far..... I feel like I should've died a long time ago, I know I should've died a long time ago. But somehow I was still alive, and I was still causing troubles and problems for everyone around me.

I tried to smile, but I felt so torn apart; I felt like I was broken into two. One side wanted to be good and get better. The other side was too destructive to ever get better. And I couldn't find a balance between the two.

I was brought back to reality by a bombardment of droplets hitting my legs. I looked over to see Luna giggling at me, and Ronnie leaning over the edge, looking to me.

"Are you enjoying wearing my shorts?" he asked teasingly, an easy smile on his face. I tried to hide my feelings, smooth out my face, bite back the sobs, and blink back the tears. But it's so damn hard, all I know is broken and scarred, and how am I supposed to pretend to be happy when all I am is broken and scarred?

I nodded softly to him, trying not to look straight at him so he couldn't see my watery eyes, but I think he saw anyways. He looked at me concerned, flexing his arms and pulling himself above the water.

I stared at his muscles as he climbed out of the pool, transfixed. How could such an impressive, gorgeous, wonderful person want to waste their time on me?

I wasn't beautiful, I wasn't sweet, I wasn't fun. I was complicated, I was a little shit. I was stubborn, secretive, and angry. Nothing attractive about me. So then why was he spending his time with me, rather than someone else? Someone better?

He came over and picked me up, sat in the chair, and then set me back down on his lap.

"I'll get all wet" I complained half-heartedly, not really caring. He was wet, dripping, soaking, but he was also comforting.

"They're my shorts anyways" he said, laughing a little.

He mimicked Andy, wrapping his arms around my waist and laying them in my lap, every so often brushing my skin with his fingers.

I felt like I was on fire; his presence calmed me, his touch comforted me.

I blushed and leaned back against him, laying my head in the crook of his neck. "You okay?" he whispered to me. I nodded a little, not trusting myself to speak.

I lay my hands over his, and closed my eyes, trying to imagine a world where I was good for Ronnie, where we could live happily and nothing would weigh my heart down from him.

I opened my eyes again, and took everything in. Maybe it was bad, but I still had my friends here.

For now

Only because they don't know

But I still had them. And I would hold on to them for as long as I could.

Luna smacked Max on the chest, and I turned to focus on them. "Look! Look at them! Andy and Echo, Ronnie and Ryker! Why can't you be sweet and cute like that? Even Ronnie is being all lovey-dovey! And I'm stuck with you!" Luna yelled to Max, complaining.

She winked at me, and I knew she was just giving Max a hard time for the laughs. Thats how it was between them, they gave each other hell, but they loved each other more than anyone I ever knew. And they knew it, no matter what. I don't think I had ever heard them actually fight, only this playful bantering.

"Sorry, I didn't know you wanted me to! You go from splashing my face to wanting me to hold you? What, am I supposed to read your damn mind woman?" Max scoffed, and I felt Ronnie chuckling, making my back bounce up and down a little.

"Of course! Why the hell else would I date you you dumdum?!!" Luna yelled back, getting in Max's face.

There was silence and then Max pinned her against the wall of the pool, kissing her and holding her against him tightly.

Echo blushed, being right next to them, and Andy kicked his leg out, splashing them. "Don't do that right next to us, get a damn room" he said, and Ronnie spoke up, saying "Hell no, you ain't using any of my rooms for that shit! I don't wanna clean up after you guys!"

I laughed loudly, snorting, then smacked my hand against my mouth, embarrassed.

Max and Luna pulled away then, and Max asked "is that what you wanted? Is that better?"

Luna smirked and nodded, pecking him quickly before swimming away, kicking her legs at him to splash his face.

"God damnit, what did we just talk about?!!" Max complained, and everyone laughed.

Charlie came bounding out, running around the perimeter of the pool, whining. He must've wanted someone in the pool, but he didn't want to come in.

Ronnie called him and he came running over, wagging his tail. He jumped up to get at Ronnie's face, his paws thumping into my gut. I made a weird sound, exhaling loudly from the force. I pushed Charlie off, not wanting his nails to dig into my skin.

He lay down next to us, and I relaxed back into Ronnie, my head laying just under his chin.

I watched the others from Ronnie's lap, and sighed to myself.

Everything wasn't perfect, but it looked like it was, wasn't it.

Looks can be deceiving.

So when would they catch on to my deceiving, or would my looks win them out into obliviousness?