The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

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****hows everyone doing? Good I hope. Remember, you're beautiful and lovely and whoever says otherwise is a fucktwat. ****

*Ryker*

After they walk out, shutting the door behind them, I take a deep breath and cover my face with my hands, shaking. Why had they come? After all this time?

The only person I wasn't upset with was Ashley. Well actually, that's not true. I was upset at August because he hadn't tried to talk to me at all. Should I be happier with my parents and Kari? I mean, they are the only ones that came to see me, even though they were total asses....

Ashley. I was rather upset with her. She never told anyone that Pat had tried to rape her. She was too scared to talk. So instead, she kept silent about it and let me go to juvy and prison. She let me be wrongfully accused and she let me have to give up my entire life. She let the judges think I made up a story about Pat trying to rape her in an attempt to not get punished. She let me take the fall.

I know how hard it is to admit to others that you've been raped, but god damn, I was her sister! I was the one that looked after her. She may have been older but I was the one who made the money to help her pay for Owen. I was the one who got him toys and books. I didn't exactly legally get him anything, and my 'job' was rather sketchy and not legal either, but I did it to help her!

And shit, I protected her! I kicked Pat's ass for her. If she had spoke out, I wouldn't have been convicted, and Pat wouldn't have been walking free. She wouldn't have needed to fear him, because he would be in prison!

She probably didn't think I understood. Probably didn't think I could understand how hard it was to let anyone know they were raped, or close to it. But shit was she wrong. So wrong.

Ronnie started to say something, but I just shook my head through my hands and mumbled "don't". I didn't want to hear about it. He probably would have helped, but I just couldn't handle it right now.

After a few minutes or so, I took my hands from my face, took a deep breath, and sat up. I opened up a packet of gushers and started eating, trying not to think about anything.

The others stayed for a while and then they said goodbye, and left for a bit. They said they were going to eat, but I think they were just going so that I could be alone with Ronnie.

I spaced out, sighing deeply. I should feel good. John was finally getting punished. I was finally free of Him. So why was I so upset? Why was I so down?

"Ryker" Ronnie said, taking one of my limp hands in his. I looked over at him sadly. "I'm sorry Ronnie. I should but happy. But I just feel, exhausted. I don't know what's coming next" I said.

"Im scared. The future is so uncertain. Who knows what will happen? Imagine all the things that could happen....all the bad things" I continued, tearing up.

"And all the good things. Ry, I know what it feels like to be scared of what will happen. I felt that when I went to prison. Felt like that when my brother died. I felt that when I met you. And when I lost you. But you know what happened? I got sober. I got better friends, a band that was good for me, not bad. And I met this really amazing girl" he told me, looking me in the eyes.

"And you lost years of your life. Lost your brother. And nearly died so many times" I replied, unable to ignore the bad.

"All Ive ever known is a broken home. I can't believe that I'm alive. But after prison, I got my life together. I became a better man, someone I'm proud to be. And yeah, I've been close to dying. But everything that has happened since I met you, I wouldn't take back any of it. It was worth it" he told me, holding my hand.

I couldn't believe it, how could nearly dying possibly be worth knowing me? I wasn't amazing at all, not worth shit. So then why?

"How? Why, why are you still here, holding my hand? I've done nothing but put you in danger! Im not worth that. All I've ever known is that people leave me. They always leave. Why haven't you left yet?" I asked, biting my lip.

Ronnie shook his head and held both my hands in his. He opened his beautiful mouth and spoke.

"You haven't put me in danger. John has put me in danger. But never you. You've shown me what love is like, you've shown me what it's like to love someone, you've shown me what it's like to have someone love you for you. You've shown me what it's like to have someone who understands. You've shown me a better life, a more exciting, passionate life. I haven't left, because I love you Ry. And I'm not leaving you"