The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Troubles

**** edit: a little explanation I guess.
Ryker was abused, but she had almost 2 years in prison to somewhat recover, and that's why she didn't show that many signs of abuse and why she's not always completely scared of everybody. I hope that makes sense! ****

He's come for me. He's come after me. He told me he'd find me when I got out. He told me he'd come for me, and now he has.

I can smell his repugnant cologne, coming off of him in waves, clogging my nose and throat, making me gag. I can feel his unwelcome weight, his unwelcome hands, his unwelcome body.

He whispers vulgar not so 'sweet' sweet nothing's into my ear, first begging me, then commanding me to stay quiet, to stay still, to do nothing.

And I can't do anything. I'm powerless against him. My muscles, my only hope, are gone from me. My lips might as well be stitched shut for all the help they'll do me. Nobody listens. Nobody believes. Because I am patient 106; prone to violent outbursts, delirious, crazed, depressed, and suicidal.

I am also classified as a pathological liar, although that is a lie. He made it up, made it up to protect himself. To ensure that no one will believe what I say. So that no one, no one can protect me from him. And no one did. And no one will. I'm on my own, and I can't do it. I can't do it alone.

His weight, his smell, is suffocating me, I'm drowning in my tears, suffocating from his repulsive smell.
I thrash about, trying to get free, but he's got me completely under his control.

I am helpless.

I can do, nothing.

Nothing.

And that's what I hate. What I really hate. But what I hate the most, is him. Him. HIM. How could he do this to me? How could he use me this way? How could he hurt me this way? How could he? How?

I try to scream from under his hand, but the breath blows uselessly against his palm.

Stricken with anger, I bite down on his hand hard, and I hear a pain-filled yelp. I take this opportunity to yell out, scream, thrash, try to get free.
Trying to escape. To escape him.

"RYKER! Ryker! Ryker stop it! Ryker wake up! Ryker it's not real! It's not real!" A voice calls out to me. Not his voice, but a different voice. A welcome voice.

I feel a strong smack on my abdomen, and I sit up fast, panting.

"Jesus Ryker, what the hell was that? It's 2 am" Ronnie says, holding his left hand.

I look down to see teeth marks on his hand, between his thumb and forefinger.

Oops, I must have bit him, while I was dreaming. Or rather, remembering.
"S-sorry" I pant, breathing deeply.

His eyes soften, and he looks at me deeply. "Hey, it wasn't real, it was just a nightmare, alright? You're okay. You're safe" he says softly, laying a hand on my shoulder.

Oh, he has no idea. It may not have been real this time, but it was real at one point.

And it could be real again. I'm not safe at all, not when he's free and roaming.

It was not just a dream.

It was a memory.

I lay back, exhausted, and bite my lip worriedly. I realize that I'm shivering, and I can't tell whether it's from fright or from cold.

Probably both.

Before I can make a move, Ronnie pulls up the covers over me, and the warmth from his body is trapped under them, effectively warming me.
Not as effectively as having him hold me would be, but effective nonetheless. It's not like he would do that anyways, not unless it was the game.

But he surprises me, by sliding close, pulling me against him.

He holds me in his arms, letting me shake and shudder in his arms, calming me down.

"Is this okay? Better?" Ronnie asks softly.

I let out a strangled "yeah"
And then I add "but the game is suspended until I'm awake in the morning, okay? This doesn't count"

He laughs softly, and says "if it was, I'd be winning."

"Shut up" I mumble, hesitantly laying my arms around him.

This is kinda nice, I think to myself.

If only it could be like this always.

But it can't be.

It wouldn't work out anyways.

It never works out for me.