The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Club

The Falling In Reverse sets for today are done, and they dont have any meet and greets or anything tonight, so Max asked Ronnie to come to a club with him. Ronnie, of course, was hesitant, and he didnt really want to go, but Max was begging him to go.

"You dont have to drink or anything, just please, lets have a night out. I know we've both been stuck around the bus this past week, you need to get out. Come on, dude" Max was saying. 

I didnt want them to think I was eavesdropping, so I walked into the kitchen, where they were sitting, and opened the fridge. Yeah, I stay on the other bus, but I usually hang out on this bus to chill with Ronnie for a bit before going to the other bus.

It's not that I dont like the other people, it's just that I don't know them too well, and plus, really, Ronnie is fucking awesome so I'll take all the time I can to hang out with him.

I make sure I don't overstay my welcome though, and dont cling to him. That'd make him think that I really liked him or something. Not that I do. I mean, I dont. It's just the game, thats all.

Speaking of the game, its been sort of post-poned at a stalemate since the night I slept over in his bed. I expected him to make a move by now, but he hasnt.

I'm not sure if it's because he has no interest in it, or if he's giving me time to recooperate or something. I kinda miss our teasing ways though, it really lightened the mood and helped me feel not so awkward around him. 

I tuned out of their conversation and focused on trying to grab a water bottle from the back of the fridge without knocking anything over. But my ears picked up on something when I heard my name come up.

"Ryker can come with? Come on, the whole band can come. You know how desperate they must be to get out. I know you love your fans, but come on, sometimes you just need a night off, to relax and shit. This is the only time I can get away, our days are so packed with stuff, come on man" Max said, careful to avoid saying anything about his band.

Craig and Ronnie were still on bad terms. Which is fucking reasonable, seeing all thats happened. 

"You can't just volunteer her, what if she doesnt want to come?" Ronnie said, taking a sip of his drink. 

"Oh she does" I casually chime in, closing the fridge and leaning against the wall. He turned back to look at me, and something flashed in his eyes.

I'm not sure what it was, it happened so fast, but I pray to the Fates that it wasnt a bad thing. 

"Okay" Ronnie finally said, turning away from me.

"Awesome! Thanks Ryker!" Max says excitedly, jumping up and running out, yelling "I'll go get my stuff" behind him.

Ronnie turned to look at me and said, "Is this what you really want?" He seemed so serious, like this was some huge big deal or something.

"Uh, yeah" I said, then I scurried away, desperate to get away from the intensity of his gaze. What did he mean?

Later, as I look in the mirror, overlooking myself. I had changed into studded ripped jeans, my skull hand gloves on my right arm and my shorter fingerless gloves on my right, and a sleeve-less black shirt with the icon of a dripping white heart on the front.

The shirt peeked up a little sometimes when I moved, and I wasn't all that comfortable with that, but it was one of the only sleeveless shirts that I had. I couldnt wear one of my oversized shirts because they were so huge and hot that I wouldn't be able to last in the club, it would be too hot.

Plus, in a way it was cool that it peeked up because then you'd get a flash of some of my tattoos.

I got shitty tattoos in rehab, and when I got out of jail I spent a lot of money on tattoos, but really, I think they were worth it.

The shirt scooped down and stopped above my chest, but my collar bones were exposed, and you could see my 'If You Cant Soar With The Eagles, Then Dont Fly With The Flock' tattoo across them, with feathers falling down. And the tips of the wings of my eagle tattoo peeked through the shirt. On my midsection you could just barely see the bottom of my 'I Cant Drown My Demons, They Know How To Swim' tattoo with waves. Then on my right hip my 'Stay Strong' tattoo showed, and on my left side part of my fallen angel tattoo showed. You could see a dripping heart, similar to the one on my shirt, at the base of my neck, and on my back, my wings showed through the shirt.

Could I really go out like this? My left arm had the outline of tattoos that I needed to get filled in, my doodles. I looked stupid, didnt I?

No, I can't do this, its stupid. Ronnie wont even take a second glance, I should just tell them to go without me, and take this stage makeup off. I dont look like anything more than a stupid little 19 year old trying to be someone desirable, someone cool, someone beautiful.

I can't do this. I sit down to unlace my sneakers, when someone bursts into the room. Janey was letting me borrow the big room to check out my outfits, and I guess she wanted it back now. 

I look up to see her staring wide-eyed at me. "What, I look stupid dont I" I say quickly, jumping up and crossing my arms over my stomach.

"You-you look beautiful!" she said, walking over to me and taking my shoulders in her arms. "Your tattoos, they're so intricite, absolutely beautiful" she breathed, looking me over.

"I cant do this, I should just tell them to leave without me" I say, shaking my head.

"Nonsense, they're waiting outside anyways. It's too late now, besides, you cant just waste this outfit and that makeup, just one last touch" she said, picking up some lipstick and putting it on my lips. Then she turned me to the mirror and made me look. 

Eyes that looked like they were wings around them, black lipstick on and straight hair, she didn't look like me at all. "How is this me?" I wondered, staring. 

"Because, you look amazing. Now go!" Janey said, pushing me out of the room and down the hall. When we got to the living room, I saw the guys sitting on the couch. Oh no,  this is it, theyre gonna laugh at me. This was stupid....why did I do this?

***The Fates isnt about Escape The Fate, but is a reference to the Fates, the 3 old women who in Greek mythology hold the thread of all peoples lives and decide whos thread to cut. Ryker is really into Greek mythology. She doesnt believe in or like Christian, Catholic, ect views, but prefers the Native Americans views and is interested in Greek mythology. I hope that doesnt offend anyone, but I really dont see why it should matter what her religion/lack there-of is ****