The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

READ THE SEPARATE BOOK

****I know [some of] you have enjoyed the last few chapters, but you didn't think you were off the hook, did you? Welcome back to the feels my friends, you'll be here for a while...

But you'll also get more cockblocking Derek and all that....stuff....yeah****

I lay in bed stiffly, leaving on my mind.

After Ronnie and I were so....ahem....'kindly' interrupted by cockblocker Derek, gotta love him.... We took Charlie for a walk. And I was just innocently walking along, when I saw it. Or rather, him.

He lived way down the block. Triple bolts on his door.

He looked like an agoraphobic meth addict, but I knew he was more. So much more...

I saw him talking to a tall guy in a leather jacket before he looked around suspiciously and closed the door behind them. His eyes caught mine just as the door slammed shut.

I had found him.

My dealer.

I had tried to walk with Ronnie casually, but my mind was reeling. I had no heroin left, I needed more and I needed more now!

How could I get to him without Ronnie knowing? I couldn't very well just go while we took Charlie walking! What would I say, 'oh hey be right back just gonna go talk to this meth addict in his dingy house for a half an hour'? That definitely wouldn't fly with Ronnie.

I had made a mental map of how to get to his house from Ronnie's. Now, it was 3 a.m. and I was lying here in agony, painful, painful agony, and it wouldn't go away until I got a fix.

Sneak out.

Go now.

Go now damnit!

No, I-I can't.

Bullshit, you can

And you will

Now!

Go now you dumb worthless fuck

Alright alright!

I'm sorry Ronnie....

I can't help myself...

I rolled out of the bed softly, removing Ronnie's arms from my waist before sitting up. I slipped on some pants and my jacket with money and the needle and spoon, and then I creeped downstairs, trying to keep Charlie from freaking out and barking excitedly.

I don't know if I want to go out, it's really early, and dark, and what if I come across someone and they rape and beat me-!

There was a wetness on my toe.

Charlie! He was licking my feet and whining, his tail banging against the floor. 'Charlie, shh!' I hissed, but he only wagged his tail more and whined.

Fuck!

Wait, I could just bring Charlie with, then I'd feel safer, he wouldn't wake Ronnie up, and it'd be the perfect alibi! Assuming Ronnie didn't wake up before 5 o'clock....

I wrote a note saying I was walking Charlie and taped it to the fridge.

I grabbed Charlie's leash and pulled on some boots, opening the door quietly and creeping out, gently closing it, slowly, very very slowly.

I walked down the sidewalk, trying to keep my mental map open so I could find the guys house easily. Fuck if it's not him, is there any cops on this street? It'd be just my luck to go to a cops house at 3 am and ask for drugs. That would be fucking grand.

Charlie pulled me off course quite a lot, but I finally found the house-at least, I think it was the house. I got all turned around and oh fuck me.

I figured he'd be up now, he was probably cooking in the living room.

What if he wasn't?

Oh fuck it, just try!

I knocked on the door softly, scared of making too much noise. Only I could be a half a mile away from Ronnie and still worry that he could hear me....

I heard a shuffling and then a little square in the door opened, a bloodshot, yellowed eye peeked through. Then it moved and I was met with brown, fucked up teeth.

Yep. I was right, he is a meth addict.

"Order?" he whispered through the door, and spit flew out, nearly hitting me in the face, but I jerked to the side. He cackled at me and then repeated "order."

"Oh, um...200 dollars worth of heroin?" I asked, shuffling through the wad of money.

I would have to get a job if I kept at this.... I was running out of money.

Ronnie has more than enough..

No, I won't steal from him! I won't do that! I won't!

Ha, that's what you say now.

You will.

No! No I won't go through that again, the stealing from my friends, I won't!

"Pure or tar?" he asked me, and I gulped-I would get more with black tar...... but it was more likely to be dangerous and laced. Plus, pure was stronger...

"Pure" I replied, and there was a rattling sound, and then the door was creaking open.

This was it...

I slinked in quickly, keeping a tight leash on Charlie. Charlie growled a bit, and I tapped his head, hushing him.

Fuck, please don't ruin this Charlie.

Please do....

No, don't....

He held his hand out and I sighed, putting the wad of cash in it. He didn't know me, so he wouldn't give me the heroin until he already had my money.

He peered at me suspiciously and said "I saw you earlier today. Your boyfriend know you're doing drugs? He's a straightedge, against all this you know"

I scowled at him and said "do you want to be my dealer or my therapist?" He laughed a little and walked away, shuffling into the kitchen I'm guessing. He came back with 3 little packets filled with pure, white powder.

Not so fast though...

I opened each of them and sniffed, sticking a finger in and putting the powder on my tongue to make sure it was heroin, not salt or baking soda or any of that shit. I won't be tricked, it happened to me once before I was experienced and it sucked ass. It burns like hell to inject salt, never do it. Ever.

I nodded when I was satisfied and closed the bags, shoving them into my pocket. But I couldn't wait....I needed it now.... and who knows when I'd be able to do it once I got back to Ronnie's house?

I took my jacket off, kneeling on the floor. I used Charlie's leash to compress my arm, and dissolved a bit of the heroin in the water on the spoon. I sucked it up with the needle and injected quickly, sighing and leaning my head against the door.

The dealer was looking at me in crazy amusement.

I don't care to know his name. The less we know of each other the better.

He is just Dealer.

"That bad huh? Heroins pretty bad you know" he warned me.

What is his problem, is he trying to be my fucking psychologist or what?

"Says the meth addict" I retorted, and stood up, whistling to Charlie and opening the door.

"Ill see you soon" I said to Dealer, and then I walked outside.

I stumbled down the street, guilt gnawing at me.

But I couldn't help myself...

I was completely, totally, utterly addicted.