MM: Sure you may be verified on Twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?
~~
G: Before we commence on this inevitably ill-fated adventure I wish to re-assert to those present my irrefutable claim that this is a, frankly, horrible plan the design and conception of which I had absolutely no part in and that I can, in no way, be held responsible for the consequences of this imminent misadventure. That said, Allons-yyyYYYYAAAAAAAH!
~~
JB, texting: Answer your phone
MM, texting back: Wait a miniute, I can't find my phone
JB: Understood.
JB, 5 minutes later: You're a terrible person. You know you're killing me. You're killing me, MM.
~~
Suki: They're tiny mints trapped in a plastic prison.
PM: Oh, no, I meant tactics, not Tic-Tacs-
~~
Prof. Parrot: Whose car is that?
Cone: I don't know, it wasn't locked-
~~
PM: I have told you not to do that!
MM: But here's the thing- we didn't listen.
~~
MM: How do I look?
JB: With your eyes, idiot.
~~
PM: When you read a book, you are staring at a dead tree and hallucinating
~~
G: Guys- I just saw an oul!
G: Ouwl.
G: Owul.
G: Houl.
G: Oul.
G: How do you say it?
Chron: ..
Isk:
G: ...A hoot hoot.
Isk: You saw a hooter?
Chron: This- This is a verbal conversation not texting-
~~
Smol: You're alive!
JB: No need to remind me.
~~
G, vibrating: I poured Red Bull and coffee in my milk- and now, I can smell colors-
Chron: That can't be safe-
G: Who said I thought it was safe-
G:
G: Oh no- I don't feel so goo-
~~
//Semi IRL AU//
PM: Tell me again why you placed my IPad in the blender?
Sally: I tried making Apple juice-
~~
Rainy: So, I'm planning to host a movie night, and I invited 18 people. Want to join?
Isk: Sure- but why do you need so many people?
Rainy: It said it was only for 18+ viewers-
Isk:
~~
Sally: I know 200 ways to kill a man.
MM: You could glue an open jar of rats to his face then blowtorch the other side of the jar so the rats have to eat their way out through his face.
Sally: ...201.
~~
MM: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don't care for that s*** at all.
~~
Chron: Alright, that's it- Get on top of the fridge-
G, scaling the refrigerator: this houSE IS A NIGHTMARE-
~~
Cone: ...I lost Prof-
Sally: What- how-
Cone, panickedly: He's like... two inches- it's just hard to keep track-
~~
MM: When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's 'intelligent' and 'really cool' but when I do it I'm 'petty' and 'need to move on'.
~~
G: It's no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.
~~
JB: Look, G, When it comes to the sharpest tool in the shed around here, you are the kitchen sponge.
~~
G //holding a wrapped present// : You promise you didn't get me bees again?
MM: //from a distance// Just open it.
~~
Chron: Alright, you do know that there's no actual candy mountain, right?
G: Shun the non-believer!
Isk: SHUUUUNNN!
G: SHUUUUNNN!!!
~~
Cone, at some point: We don't need guns. I have a lighter, okay, we get some hairspray, make some flame throwers. Let's fry these b****es.
~~
Rainy: Okay, so the gingerbread house instructions say to be very delicate-
Isk, holding a power drill: DELICATE !!!
~~
MM: //about Sally// The elevator shaft!
PM: We are not pushing her down the elevator shaft-
JB: //enters, out of breath// I'LL DO IT
~~
MM: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get drunk enough to make you all seem interesting.
