Perfectly imperfect |Mattia Polibio|

Part 15

Celeste pov

" are you stalking me?" I asked mattia, when I caught him in the library again.

Yes, I was at that stage now where I could talk and joke around with him, without feeling embarrassed.

Talk about self improvement, right?

He looked a little shocked that I had caught him and I almost laughed. Ever since I've started working in here during my free periods, he always showed up as well.

He scoffed, his expression changing quickly," no, I've got work of my own to do as well you know Celeste," he said a little defensively.

I laughed a little and nodded as he took a seat beside me, " you need help with any of it?" I assumed that's why he was here, so I thought I'd just offer.

He shook his head, " nah, I can do it,"

I nodded and then carried on with my work in silence. He carried on with his too, and it felt weird becasue never did I think I'd be sitting in the library doing my work, with Mattia Polibio sitting beside me.

" thanks by the way," he said to me, " for the relationship advice a while ago,"

I smiled, " no problem," I hope that meant things between them were working out better.

" how'd you know so much about it?" He asked me.

I shrugged, " I don't know. I feel likes it's simpler to understand when you're not in a relationship, everything looks clearer than when you are in one,"

He nodded, " so have you ever been in one?" He asked me.

I shook my head, " no. I'm just a little to busy to be in one right now, I think," I told him, " I always have to be at home and I've got things and people I need to take care of. Guys nowadays don't really wanna be with girls like me anymore,"

" what do you mean?" He asked.

I wanted to explain but without letting on too much. I know for a fact he already knows a lot more than I want him too. He's quite observant, and though some girls would appreciate a guy knowing about all the little things, I didn't. I didn't want him to know anything at all.

" well, it's like I've got other things to prioritise. I've gotta look out for my family and I'd expect the guy who I'm with to understand that. But most guys would see that as too much baggage, and think of it as a big commitment,"

I'm ok with that though.

I wouldn't expect any guy to understand why I have to be with my family constantly. I wouldn't be able to go on dates and things, and I'm sure most guys wouldn't appreciate being forced to spend time with my family.

He nodded slowly, " but you probably still have your eye on someone, right?"

I felt my cheeks heat up a little. If only he knew. My eyes suddenly landed on my black diary which was on the table, and I decided to move it into a safer space in my bag.

I nodded, " of course I do, I'm pretty sure everyone does," I reached over for my book, my face expressionless not giving anything off. I did see a small smirk on his face though, when I was putting my diary away, and I wondered what that was about.

" would you ever make a move on them, or you know, hint that you're interested in them?" He asked.

" of course not, remember I've got other things to prioritise," I told him.

He propped up his elbows on the table and held his head in his hands, " but if you didn't have any of that to worry about, would you?" He asked.

I shook my head, " no, I couldn't,"

His brows furrowed a little, " why not?"

" well he's currently with someone else," I said smiling a little, " and they both seem happy together. I wouldn't want to ruin that,"

" but what if they broke up?" He asked me.

I looked at him funnily, " what are you playing at? What's with all these weird questions?" I asked him.

" hey I'm just being curious," he said shrugging, and he pouted his lips a little which made me laugh again, " let's say this couple broke up. The guy was now single. You had the chance to go out with him and you didn't have to worry about anything else. Would you do it?"

I squinted my eyes at him a little. I wanted to know why he wanted to know about this so bad, " is this part of your work or-"

He tutted, " Celeste just answer the question," he said a little impatiently, " it's all hypothetical, trust me," he added, and I nodded, " so would you do it?"

I thought about it for a little bit, and shook my head, " no,"

His brows furrowed and he looked at me a little confused, as if that was not the answer he was expecting, " why not?"

I put my pen down and turned to face him a little, " because I don't know him well enough. It's like, when I don't know him fully it makes him more interesting. He has blank parts I can fill in and I can make him however I want him to be. But when I find out what hes's really like it limits him and I could get hurt, because maybe he's not like what I imagined at all,"

I've liked Mattia for so long, but because of that I've blinded myself. I don't let myself see anything bad about him, and the bad things I do see, I cover up and excuse.

I don't want to hurt myself in finding out that he was everything I hoped he wasn't. I wasn't about to get heartbroken by a guy who I wasn't even in a relationship with.

" so what do you do then?" He asks.

" I play it safe. I watch and admire from a distance so I don't get hurt. They could be imperfect in real life but I would find perfections in their imperfections. I would make them perfectly imperfect, and that's so much easier to do when I don't know them as well as I want to,"

He nodded slowly, " but what if they actually are everything you imagined them to be?" He asked.

I shrugged again, " I guess that's good for them. I just don't want to risk it to find out,"

I picked up my pen again, and started writing. I feel like I've talked enough now and I should really carry on with my work.

I could feel him staring at the side of my face, which made me feel a little nervous.

I looked back at him, " errr.....something wrong?" I asked him.

He smiled a little and shook his head, " no, everything's just fine," he then turned his head and looked down at his work in front of him.

I felt like there was something else on his mind but I wasn't really anyone to question it. So I didn't.

****