Be With Me Then (Then Series #5)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

Escape  

The whole month of May I am just at my room crying my hearts out. Hindi din naman gugustuhin ng mga kasama ko sa bahay na makita ako even my food nagpapadala na lang ako. I can't forget how they blame me nung malibing si Kuya. Kung paano nila ipinamukha sa'kin na kasalanan ko bakit nawala si Kuya. 

Alam ko naman na yun hindi na nila kailangan pang ipamukha sa'kin. Kung hindi lang daw sana matigas ang ulo ko at nag-aral na lang ako that will not happen. And when I told them the reason why I am there that I want to be model I receive a slap from my parents and Ate Ivory just stare at me without emotion in her eyes. 

"Irene, naenroll na kita for Grade 12." Ate Men said and seat on my bed. I am just spacing out the whole time. I am even reading a book. Only Ate Mendel is talking to me she is the only person who understand everything after a long time.

 "Irene, Markie will not be happy if you are being like this. Alam ko na you want to be a model. Didn't you know? I always watch you practicing your walk dito sa kwarto mo. Napag-uusapan din namin ni Markie yun. We are amaze of you." I look at Ate and she gave me a smile. 

I thought only my brother knows about my dream pero alam din pala ni Ate. Pero anong use ng pangarap na yun kung wala naman na si Kuya. I want to reach my dream knowing that my brother will watch at me. He promised me that he will be in my every walk. 

"How can I continue pursuing that dream when Kuya is not here." I said and my tears fell in my eyes until I can cry my hearts out again. Paano ko pa ipagpapatuloy ang pag-abot sa pangarap ko na naging dahilan why I lost my brother. 

"And I am here, I will try to be like Markie. I will try Irene so please... Wag mo ikulong sarili mo dito don't live by the pain." Umiling ako doon and my answer is just my cry until Ate hug me so tight pero kahit anong gawin niya alam kong habang buhay kong dadalhin yung sakit. 

I will always live in guilt and pain all my life. I will keep on blaming myself for what happen. 

"Are you going to ruin your life, Irene? Nawala na nga ang Kuya mo ganyan ka pa!" Mom shouted when I go down and I saw her looking at my brother's picture. 

"Pwede po ba? But don't worry I will not because Kuya will not be happy if I ruin my life." I said. 

While remembering my brother bigla kong naalala yung mga sinabi niya at yung pangarap niya. I promised him that I will reach his dream na hindi niya nagawa. I will do that. I will do anything to make my brother happy. 

That is why I tried hard to stand up on my own without my brother beside me yung kaisa-isang taong nasa tabi ko lagi. Every time I will study si Kuya ang maalala ko sa lahat ng ginagawa ko I always remember my brother. I open his camera na binigay ko sa kanya and it's full of my pictures and also his. 

"You will take medicine, Irene." Dad said. 

I am already graduating at high school and even if it's so hard for me already to keep on living because of how heavy the pain is I still tried my best and I will graduate with honors. Gagawin ko ang lahat matupad lang ang pangarap ko. I will never take medicine. Yun ang sinabi sa'kin ni Kuya do what I want to do because he will support me. 

"No, I will take fine arts." I said without emotions on my face. Simula nung nawala si Kuya nawalan na din ako ng gana sa lahat.

"What?" I don't care what they will do to me but I will stick to my decision. I will pursue modeling while studying fine arts. 

"And I need your consent to audition in modeling agency, I will be a model." I said and stand up even if hindi pa ako tapos kumain. 

Kung noon takot ako na sabihin sa kanila yung gusto ko pero ngayon nagkaroon ako ng tapang sa lahat. Because I know my brother is watching me. I will never live with the high expectations of my parents for me.