Be With Me Then (Then Series #5)

Chapter 44

Chapter 44 

I don't want to be with you then 

There are people who can be okay just by crying for an hour then after that they will not feel pain anymore dahil naiyak na nila lahat but why is it so different to me now? Before, I can do that but now after crying everything and hearing my friends and the man I love knocking at my door. I am still in pain. 

And I can't cry anymore but all I know is I am tired and I'm hurt. 

I just want silence. But how can I do that if everything is bothering me. My mind is fighting with me. Ang dami kong iniisip ngayon. 

Narinig ko na nagpaalam na yung mga kaibigan ko at nauna doon si Ate Chloe because she is pregnant and she spent he whole day staying with me at sumunod naman si Drake at Hannah then Zaira and Gray at yung tatlo na lang ang naiwan because Raffy can't leave Renzo. 

"Come on, Renzo. If you truly know Irene, you will know she wants to be alone." I heard Raffy said. I just closed my eyes but by doing that, image of Renzo looking miserable waiting for me to talk to him came into my mind.

Narinig kong nagpaalam si Renzo and also Raffy but they didn't receive an answer from me. All along I am aware that the happiness that I'm feeling is all temporary pero nakakalimutan ko din na panandalian lang pala yun dahil sa happiness na nararamdaman ko. 

I thought I already forgive myself to what happen to my brother but when I saw all of the comments of the people about what happen bumalik yung lahat sa'kin. I can't still forgive my self about what happen years ago. 

At ngayon nadadamay na pati yung mga mahahalagang tao sa buhay ko dahil sa nangyayari. This is not what I wanted them to feel dahil simula ng papasukin ko silang lahat sa buhay ko I always tried my best na hindi sila madamay sa kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan ko. 

That is why I keep on pretending that I am okay, in front of my friends and to everyone who knows me because I don't want them to pity me at madamay sila sa kung ano yung pinagdadaanan ko. I thought I already did my best pero hindi. 

Because I still drag my friends to my messy life and I also drag Renzo to my pain. Some people will surely say something about them. Pwede nilang siraan yung malinis na pangalan ng mga Rheinford dahil sa'kin, mostly the man I love. 

I tried my best protecting them from everything but I failed because I know my friends are surely thinking of what is happening to me now when they should be happy. And Renzo might blame himself for not being with me kahit na ako naman ang ayaw siyang makasama siyang ngayon na napakagulo ng buhay ko. 

Nakatulugan ko na lahat ng iniisip ko at nagising na lang ako when I heard my parents voice outside of my room and when I saw them my tears never stop falling while I am in their embrace and I cried my hearts out. 

Kung noon alam ko na walang sasalo sa'kin pag bumigay ako, ngayon meron na at hindi lang ang pamilya ko ang handa akong saluhin but also my friends and Renzo but I don't want them to see me like this. 

"Shhh, it's fine. It will be fine." Mom said while caressing my hair but I know she is also crying. 

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault... I'm sorry." 

"No, it's nobody's fault." Ate Ivory said and I look at her and I saw her already crying while looking at me kaya naiyak na lang din ako. We are all crying even Ate Mendel. 

What is happening is also hurting us because it is Kuya Markie we are talking about here. Alam kong hindi lang ako ang nasasaktan ngayon but all of them are trying to be strong for me because they know that I am the weak one at ako ang pinaka naapektuhan ng nangyayari.