Be With Me Then (Then Series #5)

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Baby

Feeling his warm is the best place in this world. When my brother died I thought I will not feel having a warm and a home but when his eyes landed on mine and saw how broken I am doon na nagsimula ang lahat.

But when time passes by hindi niya naman makikita kung gaano ako nasasaktan if I didn't allow him. A part of me are already willing to open up to him, una pa lang na magtama yung mga mata naming dalawa.

Matapos ng naging pagyakap ko bigla sa kanya sa labas ng unit ko pinapasok ko pa siya dahil biglang dinaanan ako ng hiya dahil sa ginawa ko. I just hug him so tight and ask if I can still be with him. After everything that I've said to him ganun-ganun ko na lang sasabihin sa kanya yun.

Hindi ko kasi talaga alam yung ginawa ko because when I saw him in front of my unit automatic ng biglang ginusto ng katawan ko na yakapin siya and felt his embrace.

"Ah, I'm sorry for what I did earlier." I said after a long moment of silence at nakita ko naman na tumingin siya sa akin even if my eyes is just looking on the ground.

"Sorry for what? For hugging me? I actually like it." he said kaya napatingin ako sa kanya and I saw his soft expression while looking at me and have a small smile on his face.

What is with him that he can make my heartbeat crazy and he can make me feel a lot of emotions and all the feelings na hindi ko pa nararamdaman sa buong buhay ko.

"Bakit ka nga pala biglang napapunta dito?" I ask him dahil sa ginawa ko hindi ko na natanong sa kanya why he goes here.

"I am worried to you, tinanong ko si Mia what happen to you and she told me..." he stop talking and look at me at dun ko naalala na may alam na nga pala siya dahil kay Mia.

He already knows some part of my stories. Alam niya na pinagdaanan ko this past few years. He knows now the reason why I am broken.

"Some part of my stories? It's okay, matagal ko naman na talagang gusto magkwento sayo." I said and smile and I saw shock in his eyes because of what I said.

"God knows, how I badly want to talk to you to lessen my pain pero hindi ko magawa because I am scared that my pain might affect you. Dahil ganun naman talaga ako even to my friends." I said and after what I said tumahimik na naman yung paligid namin at parehas kaming hindi na alam kung ano ba dapat ang sabihin.

"Are you now willing to listen to me, Irene?" he ask after a long silence at tumingin naman ako sa kanya na nakatitig lang sa akin.

I am confused at first pero nang maalala ko kung paano ko siya pinigilan sa mga gusto niyang sabihin sa'kin because I am scared to hear it... Scared that I might give in to whatever he will say to me.

Am I now ready to listen? Should I take a risk and listen to him even though I know that I will give in. Kahit na alam kong hindi ko na talaga mapipigilan ang sarili ko at gustuhing manatili na lang sa tabi niya. I look straight into his eyes and I imagine seeing that eyes in pain again and crying just like the last time.

And by thinking of that I am breaking into pieces. I don't want to see him looking like that again. I can't handle it.

"Yes, I am, Renzo. Say everything you want to say and I will listen." I said and smile at him even if there is a part of me who wants to cry while saying those words.

I don't want to hurt him at ayoko ding saktan yung sarili ko. Pushing him away will just hurt me. That is why I am doing this kahit na alam kong hindi pa din ako karapat-dapat sa isang katulad niya. But just like what I promise that I will still try to be deserving of him.