Chapter 49
Again
"But I can't hurt you... You know that already, I don't want to see you hurting because of me." he said and that makes me laugh.
Him doing this is already hurting me.
"And do you think, I am not hurting right now? Seeing you trying not to hurt me, yun yung masakit at mahirap makita... Alam mo kung bakit? Because I can see how you tried not to hurt me while I know you are also hurting." I said and he avoided my eyes at ramdam ko yung pagdadalawang-isip niya sa sinabi ko.
I know since from the beginning he always tried not to hurt me that is why he always understand. Ayaw niya na akong nakikitang nasasaktan dahil nakita niya na kung paano ako masaktan and he just want to make me happy kahit na alam ko na siya na yung nasasaktan.
"Gusto kong magalit sa'yo, but I can't... Dahil naintindihan ko why you need to break up with me. You just want to be okay at naiintindihan ko yun ang hindi ko maintindihan you can be okay while I'm by your side. But you choose to not to be with me." he said and look at me straight into my eyes.
My baby is hurting because of me. He is ready to tell me everything that bothers him from the ver beginning.
"Then why did you agree?" I ask him because I remember how easy for him to agree when I ask him for a break up.
"Because of the look in your eyes that night. You know how I love staring at your eyes because I can read it and when I saw how hard for you is that night at kung gaano ka na nasasaktan... I don't have a choice, because seeing you looking at me like that na parang nahihirapan ka na parang hindi ko na kaya." he said and a tear escape from his eyes.
"I'm sorry... Sorry for choosing myself." I said and I am shock when he hold my face and make me look at him and I saw him give me a small smile.
"You don't need to be sorry for choosing yourself, Irene. And I am actually proud of you for choosing yourself over me. Dahil mas gugustuhin ko na piliin mo ang sarili mo instead of choosing me." he said and that makes me cry harder.
"In exchange of hurting you?" I ask him and he nod at me. "Why? Why choose hurting yourself just for me?"
"Because I will protect you. That is what I promise to myself when I hold you. That I will do my best to protect you even if it will hurt me." he said and I hold his two hands that is holding my face.
"Renzo, bakit ka ganyan? Isipin mo naman sarili mo wag puro ako. Wag yung iba, sarili mo naman. Because I am scared na baka wala ka ng itira sa sarili mo because you always give." I said.
"I am doing that because you are my life, Irene. Simula ng makilala kita alam ko na agad. You will be a big part of me. You become a part of me iniingitan kita dahil doon. I am always trying to protect everyone that is important to me because all of you are part of me." he said and I can stop myself to hold his face and stare straight into his eyes.
"Pero nasasaktan ka din... You are always protecting everyone pero paano pag ikaw naman ang nasaktan." I said and he just smile at me bago mabilis na lumayo sa'kin.
"Yes, nasasaktan ako but I'd rather understand than to be hurt. That is why naiitintindihan ko why you choose yourself over me... And all I can say is keep choosing yourself Irene. You look happier that way." he said at mabilis akong tinalikuran at hindi na ako binigyan pa ng chance para pigilan siya.
But I will be happier with him. He wants me to choose myself now when I am ready to choose him over myself now.
I just cried harder when he choose to run away with me. Ngayon alam ko na ang pakiramdam ang takbuhan katulad ng ginawa ko sa kanya noon. I always run away with him before because I am scared that I might drag him into my pain but I also ended up hurting him. And now he is running away from me because he wants me to choose myself over him dahil nakikita niyang mas masaya ako doon.
BINABASA MO ANG
Be With Me Then (Then Series #5)
Fiksi RemajaIrene Mae Vargas is a famous model and a daughter of the founder of Vargas Hospital. She is a woman who can hide her true self in front of everyone. She is already good at hiding her pain but this man read her at first glance. He saw how broken thi...