Blaze Of Glory | Kylo Ren

Look After You

Kylo Ren's P.O.V.

I missed her terribly.

That was my first thought when I saw her in my room waiting for me. It's been almost two years without seeing her. It pained me to know she has just been waiting around for me, but she didn't agree to train alongside me with Snoke. 

I couldn't do anything else but make her wait for my return unless she agreed to turn. Security had notified me every time she tried to escape. I wasn't able to see her again until I officially became a Knight of Ren. 

However, once Knighted I went to the Starkiller Base to lead the First order. I was too busy with my new roles to see Anakia, but I had her sent to the Base once I was there. I've been busy training and handling my First Order responsibilities on the Starkiller Base that I hadn't tried to see her yet. 

I wanted to see her when I had the time to be with her again. When she tried to escape on the Base, I knew it was time to keep a closer eye on her. The First Order won't be as forgiving as the last planet I kept her at was. 

I needed her to be somewhere where I could dictate what happens to her. Therefore, I had her in my room until I know what to do with her. I know no one could do anything to her if I keep her in my jurisdiction. 

They know she's mine to deal with, but when she kills stormtroopers; it becomes hard to control what will happen to her. I'm worried about what she'll do to my room without me there, but I hope she will listen to me from now on even if she's furious with me. The moment I saw her in my room earlier, I knew she's frustrated and disgusted by her situation, but all I wanted to do was be closer to her. 

The dress I sent out to have her wear is a perfect shade for her skin color. Her hair pinned up reminded me of her elegance when we were kids. She was a sight for sore eyes, though I know I wasn't to her. 

Her face looked as delicate as always, even with her hurt expressions toward me. No matter what she expressed and reacted to me, all I could do is to be amazed by how she hadn't changed a bit. Ani's still the same girl I promised to be my responsibility and the only one I kept safe. 

I know I wanted her to come to the dark side with me, but when I saw her today after two years, I felt as if it's okay that she hadn't yet. As long as she's with me and safe, I don't care when she turns because she's will be mine before and after she does. I left her in my room for hours now. 

I grow impatient to see her again and wary of what she has been doing since I left. I've been in meetings with the First Order and Snoke through this time. They discussed what will happen to Anakia after what she had done when trying to escape. 

I had to remind Snoke in the meeting that the reason I join his Knights of Ren was because he assured me Ani will belong to me and no one else will dictate what happens to her. I responded to the First Order by telling them in time she will make a fine council member and warrior for us when she finally agrees to give us her allegiance. 

Snoke and the First Order know her family tree, the power she possesses, and the knowledge she knows from being a part of a Jedi/Mandalorian family. They're becoming impatient with her refusing, but because of my bargain, they are powerless to do anything with or to her. They all know she is untouchable because of my claim to her.

Once the meeting with the First Order finishes, I'm the first to leave the room. I'm storming down the hall, impatient to get to my room to see what Anakia has done with her time. I haven't told her my reasoning for going to the Darkside, but she hasn't asked yet. 

I believe it's because she's scarred from all I have done and put her through that she couldn't control. One of these days she will ask once she comes to terms with her life here with me; I fear she will never adjust to what I have turned our lives into. I must believe one day she will submit to me and the Darkside. 

This is something I wanted for both of us and without her, I feel as if I lost all reasoning to be what I've become. I've dreamt that she and I would be a powerful force no one could dare to defy in the galaxy. That we would finish what the Empire started, that we would rule together as my grandfather did and wanted to. 

Yet, to this day, I can still feel the unbreakable hold the light has on her. It's the same hold that her grandfather had before her. Reaching my door, I finally feel the exhaustion of today's work, along with trying to keep Anakia at bay. 

When the door opens, I immediately look to my bed and find Ani sleeping on top of the covers. I walk inside and take off my helmet as the door shuts behind me. Setting the helmet on my desk, I creep to the side of the bed where she's facing so I can look at her. 

Her dress surrounds her like someone piled a bunch of sheets on top of her. Looking at her face, I notice her nose is red and her cheeks are puffy in pink. I could tell she's been crying, for how long I don't know, but she's probably in a deep sleep because of how hard she cried. 

I glance at the loveseat against the wall and find the nightgown I requested them to bring up for her. They must have brought it for her when she already fell asleep. Her hair's still pinned up, but it has loose strands out in many places. 

I lean on the side of my bed, pushing her dress away from her face, and sigh. I feel as tired as she looks after today's events. She is breathing in and out quietly. 

Even with her tear-stained face, she still looks like the definition of beauty. Getting up, I walk to my wall-length dresser, taking out pants to sleep in. I go into the bathroom to shower. 

I take a quick one just so I can get the dirt off and come back out in only my clean bottoms. Getting my hair as dry as I can with a towel, I look back at the woman on my bed again. She still hasn't moved since I've arrived, and I'm now positive she cried herself to sleep today. 

Her dress covers my entire bed and at that moment I wish the people who brought the nightgown had woken her up to put it on. I know they didn't. For the same reason, I won't dare wake her up. I walk to my bed and push her layered dress to the side to give me space of my own.

I open my bed cover and slip underneath it; she doesn't move when I lay down. Her backside is facing me and I can't help but watch her back move as she breathes. Her back is still naked from the dress, and I feel the need to touch her smooth skin. 

I don't want to wake her up, but I can feel myself aching to feel her, to be close to her. Not being able to resist, I let my fingers touch her bare skin. I touch her so lightly that I surprise myself; I haven't been this careful with anyone in the past two years.

My fingers go up and down her back. I trace the edges of the dress and find myself moving closer to her. There's a need to hold her, but the fear of her shouting at me as she did earlier pulls at my mind. 

I don't want her to react that way toward me. I want her to react the way she did when we were kids. I want her to pull me close, to whisper little secrets in my ear, to touch me with care. 

I know better than to hope that she will soon. She won't be able to give me that until she understands why did what I did. As of now, she can't understand my reasons. 

When she does, though, I know she will come back to me in ways that made me bring her along with me.