Blaze Of Glory | Kylo Ren

I'll Take Care Of You

WARNINGS: Smut

Anakia's P.O.V.

Sitting on the couch with Snips in my lap; I stare at the light saber on the table, rethinking Kylo and I's lesson. It's been a few hours since we finished training for the day. I've done nothing but relive today in my mind. 

Petting Snips, I try to focus hard on why the saber and I have this familiar hate bond with one another. I do not understand how and it makes me wonder who's its former master was. I feel as if we're connected in ways of the dark side but do not know how that's possible. 

During training, it was easy to understand how to hold it, use it and attack with it. Kylo only had to help me with a few things so I could move swifter and more direct. We spoke every little to one another the entire time; I know it's because of the mission he plans to take me on.

Today's memories are buzzing in my mind as I try to decide how to react to it. A part of me wants to see Han again, but a bigger part doesn't want to see him now. I don't want to see him because of what might happen. 

I also don't want to see him because he could be like a stranger to me when I finally do. So much time has passed and I don't want to address it at all. I just want to keep seeing him as the man who took me on trips and spoiled me with gifts. 

Kylo is trying everything to make me see reality, but I fear what my feelings will be toward Han when I do. My new saber doesn't help me with it at all. It seeks the furious feelings I try to hold down. 

The saber is pulling anger out of me I never knew existed. It almost terrifies me, but when I feel the power in it, I grow a craving for it. Hearing the front door slide open, I glance to the side and see Kylo entering. He takes off his helmet and catches my eyes. 

I look away quickly and silently continue to pet Snips. I have yet to decide how I want to attend to Kylo. I want to be mad at him for not telling me about the mission, but I feel remorse more at what he might do on this mission. 

I don't know if I want to yell at him or beg him to not carry out this mission. Feeling many ways toward Kylo, I stay silent, waiting for his actions to compel my own reactions freely. Hearing him set his mask on the desk, I catch his shoes coming closer toward me, in the corner of my eyes. 

I see him sit beside me; he takes Snips out of my lap without speaking, making me turn to stare at him. The man looks drained. He's obviously in no mood to discuss anything that happened today.

His face's covered in misery, causing me to wonder if something else happened today to ruin his mood. I've never seen him mentally so torn apart like this. He's never at a loss for words when greeting me. 

Setting Snips on the floor, he quietly grabs my waist. I set my hands on his chest in warning. Not bothering to care about my warning action, Kylo picks me up like a doll and sets me on his lap. 

My irritation for him today grows as he treats me like a child. He leans back in the cushion and relaxes with me on top of him. There are still no words coming out of either of our mouths as we stare at one another. 

Dropping his hand from my waist, he rubs it up and down my thigh. The other goes to my back, encouraging me to come closer. 

I don't move a muscle, though; I stay seat straight up in his lap. Sighing tiredly, Kylo tugs my thigh, making me move closer to his chest and states lightheartedly.

"You... Scared me today, Anakia."

"W-What?" I blurt out, bewildered on why he's stating this out of the blue after a day like this. His eyes soften and I see a pained expression cross his face for a second. "I need you, I... I can't live without you. I don't know how to."