Promises (TP 6)

13 - Guilt

On Sunday following Korra's party, Tessa planned a jammie day. Chloe woke her bursting with tales about her evening with Miss. Rita. She climbed up on the bed.

"We played a game and cats were good and rats were bad. Then we made this."

She thrusted out her hand which held a pentagon of rainbow colors made of melted plastic. Tessa had avoided buying the craft because the tiny pieces could be swallowed and it required an iron. She rarely ironed, but never when her girls were home.

Ironing conjured up the image of pressed starched shirts. She could smell the starch while she danced, but it was faint compared to his masculine aftershave.

Being held had felt nice. Maybe even better than nice based on the flutters in her belly. She resisted the urge to rest her head against him and feel the full support of his body. Instead, they kept some proper space between them. She stared out to the side until she felt too many eyes on her. Then she stared at his funny tooth tie. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to erase the memory. There was no use dwelling on it. For certain, it would never happen again.

He would have given her some sign if he was interested in her. He stepped back the second the song was over. She was just as relieved, because her life was her girls and there was no room for anyone else.

By the time both girls had full bellies and sticky fingers from pancakes, she felt jealous. The two had talked nonstop about their time without her. Was she so easily replaced? Or was she just boring?

By eleven, her guilt at leaving them had taken control. "Let's get dressed. We're going to Target." Maybe if she set rules about the iron, it would be okay.

They left the store with a tub of tiny plastic pieces to fuse together and two new games, plus clothes. The spring styles were out, and they each had some new outfits, even when Maya's outgrown clothes were perfectly good for Chloe.

Maybe she shouldn't have bought so much, but the guilt bubbled up when she was certain she spied him at a register as they walked in. If she left the house a few minutes earlier, they could have bumped into each other in the store. The guilt came from the fleeting moment when Tessa wished they had.

How was it that in just over a month the balance she carefully created had fallen off kilter? Maybe things would feel better after their upcoming vacation week. Downtime was just what they needed.

While the girls spent hours making designs with the tiny pieces of plastic, she ironed them and took a few minutes to check in with her mother.

"We'll be back in a week. Has the snow melted?"

There were always some piles of dirty snow created by the snowplows, which took longer to melt. Even those disappeared a week ago. The grass still hadn't turned green, but it would by the end of April.

"Yes, even the last bits. Everyone has started spring clean ups."

"It's time for your father to start his yard work." Her father loved his gardens and kept his yard meticulous. "I'm looking forward to seeing Maya and Chloe again. I miss them and you too."

"Thanks a lot, Mom." She teased.

"What's new? Are you doing okay?"

"I'm fine. The girls are healthy."

"Let me talk to them."

She put the phone on speaker. "Grandma wants to talk to you."

She listened as they told their grandmother about Miss. Rita's visit. She had just bought them new toys and clothes, but they didn't mention those things.