An Alchemy of Words

Anniversaries

"Anniversaries"

As our eight-month anniversary comes and fades,

I wallow in depression,

obsessed with work,

feeling hollow and betrayed

and not by you.

At night, I dream that I've been castrated.

On the way home from work, I alternate

between fighting back the tears

and begging them to come,

to wash me clean,

to purge me of my own identity

and let me start anew.

It frightens me to realize that my greatest wish

is to fall asleep for a week, a month, a year...

to be entirely numb to the world,

even to you,

for just that long.

I don't know if this is a poem, my dear,

but I needed to write it down.

[first published in New Bard Press, Drive, 2004]