Self-Destruction • Luke Hemmings

Chapter 8

English went similarly to Science, I was in about half the lesson, then I got bored so I started questioning the teachers approach to the lesson, and I got sent out. It didn't bother me though, I hate English. Why do I need to have a lesson every 3 days on a language I've been speaking my whole life. I know there are other mechanics involved in English, but the majority is basically about the language.

"First day and you've already been sent out twice." Someone murmurs, I turn quickly, but relax for some reason when I see Calum.

"What can you do?" I shrug, he rolls his eyes, but is smiling slightly.

"I'm going outside for a fag, wanna come?" Calum asks, getting a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket, I nod and follow him with no further convincing. The last time I had a cigarette was with Michael on Saturday, so that's been 2 days without one - I usually have one every 5 hours, and I've started getting stressed and am shaking already. I really should give it up, I just can't.

"Where are we going?" I ask Calum, as he leads me down an unfamiliar path, everything's unfamiliar to me.

"The usual smoking spot." He says. It was behind a shed that looked as though it needed a good clean. We had one of these places at my old school, but it was in the field in a blind spot so the teachers couldn't see us. Calum hands me a cigarette and I wait impatiently for him to light his cigarette, so I can light mine.

He passes it, and I light it with shaky fingers, when it's lit, I pass back the lighter before breathing in the smoke that will probably be the death of me. I close my eyes, and breathe out the toxic smoke soothingly, feeling my worries evaporate.

"How's Australia so far then?" Calum asks, and I jump slightly, I forgot he was there.

"It's alright, I hate how bright it is though." I mutter, and as if it heard me, the sun comes out from a cloud.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it." Calum laughs, as though I'll be here for a long time, which I won't. I haven't been updated on my fathers progress like the social worker said I would be, so he could be dead right now and I wouldn't even know, but I highly doubt it, he's probably still under from the anaesthetic he would have had to endure for his operation.

I crush the cigarette under my feet, and put my hands in my short pockets, waiting for Calum to finish. When he does, we both walk back to the school building, where lunch was taking place.

"Where were you?" Michael says, obviously irritated he had to sit on his own. The other people in his 'clique' were sitting on another table, so I wonder if they were actually friends at all, I remind myself to ask at a later date.

"Having a smoke." Calum replies casually, I nod in agreement.

"Without me?" Michael pouts, ruffling his red hair. He did that often, so he probably did it subconsciously.

"Only this once." Calum giggles, I was suddenly feeling some gay vibes, and as I have no head to mouth filter, I said my first thought,

"Are you two gay or something?" I blurt, then widen my eyes at what I had just said. I quickly recompose myself, and wait awkwardly for a reply.

"What?" Michael asks in outrage, while Calum laughs uncontrollably.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I just said that, I'm so sorry." I say, readjusting my beanie self consciously.

"No, we're not." Michael huffs, crossing his hands over his chest, while Calum continues laughing.

"Michael honey!" Calum shrills, dragging out the y in honey, Michael continues to look unamused, but even I can't help but laugh at Calum's fake love struck expression.

Before I can apologise again, the bell rings out, signalling the last lesson of the day.

"Maths." Calum grins at me, while I smile weakly. I'm usually quite good at lessons, but I just find it so difficult to grasp maths, so I get frustrated with myself and end up causing a scene, meaning I get sent out, instead of receiving the help I need.

"I still think your asian." I hum, pointing out his love for maths when he gives me a confused expression.

"That is so stereotypical, Faith I-have-no-middle-name Smith." Michael says,

"Is that my new middle name?" I ask, trying my best to look unamused.

"Yes. And it will be forever." Michael grins cheekily.

"Okay, Gordon." I reply, smiling when I see him pout slightly,

"You win this time." Michael sighs in exasperation.

"Hello, Faith. There's only one spare seat, but unfortunately the person you're supposed to be sitting next to isn't in today, so you're going to have to be sitting on your own." The teacher says, I nod and sit down. The desks are all in twos, and Michael and Calum are sitting next to each other, so I don't want to intrude on that, so I just sit in my assigned seat.

"Here's your book." She hands me a book, and I get out a pen I stole from Michael and scribble my name on the front.

"Okay class, we're going to be doing quadratic formulas in algebra today." She says happily, clapping her hands slightly. I feel my stomach twinge hearing that, it doesn't sound easy, and I struggle with basic math.

"What's a formula?" She asks. No one puts up their hand, so she randomly picks someone.

"Michael?" She asks. Michael answers almost instantly.

"An equation that shows the rule between two variables." He says breezily.

"And what's a quadratic, Madison?" She says, and a light haired girl looks up and replies.

"An equation of degree two." She mumbles, and the teacher nods. I feel my hands get hot and sweaty with nervousness that she'll randomly pick me.

She shows us how to solve the quadratic equations, which I don't understand at all, then we're given a sheet to complete. I stare dumbly at the sheet, not understanding it at all, I can read it, I'm not dyslexic, I can see the numbers, I just can't wrap my head around them. I need to either make a distraction or ask someone for help, and I already know which one will work best.