Self-Destruction • Luke Hemmings

Chapter 20

"She's never sent anyone out before." Calum shakes his head in wonder, and I grin. Instead of going to lunch Michael, him, and I are behind the shed to smoke.

"Really?" I say, if she's got Luke, Michael and Calum in her class, who I assume aren't the easiest students to teach from what I've seen, I would have expected them to get sent out.

"She's just too nice." Michael shrugs.

"I guess I'm going to get kicked off the music program." I sigh in irritation, lightly a cigarette and quickly bringing it to my lips to disguise my anger which I feel flow through my veins.

"Nah, Brown threatened all of us with getting kicked off the program ages ago, he won't though because we're just too good." Calum reassures, and I just nod. I know they're probably right, but I can't just let this slide, music is all I've ever wanted or cared about, so to not give up without a fight isn't something I'm prepared to do.

"Remember you still owe me a cigarette." Calum reminds me, and I grin and roll my eyes at him.

"I'm home?" I call into the house, unsure whether that was the right thing to do.

"Faith! I'm in the kitchen." Aunt Bess' voice sounds flustered as it echoes through the house, I chuck my jacket in the general direction of the stairs, telling myself I'll bring it up later, and then walk towards the kitchen.

"Your fathers adoptive parents asked me to ask you to ring them as soon as possible." She tells me when I walk into the kitchen. She's sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by bits of paper. I glance at one piece and see lots of long words that are not familiar, so I fake disinterest.

"What? Like now?" I frown, they never want me to call them, unless... I clench the side of the table awaiting her reply. She glances at my hand which is slightly clenched, and nods hesitantly.

I get the home phone, and call the number which I got from my phone contacts.

"Faith? Is that you?" My fathers adoptive mothers frail voice asks. I can hear the trauma she's been going through, even through them four words.

"Yeah, is...is he alright?" I ask hesitantly, having to cough so that she didn't hear my voice crack with emotion.

"Oh Faith, we waited, I swear! But the doctor... He said that if we...if we didn't turn...it off that he would d...d....die anyway b-because he...." She says, and after that I hear her voice slowly fade out. All I can hear is hear a constant high pitched squeak in my ears, I blink back the tears but the words orphan flashing through my head makes one or two leak out. I wipe my eyes and sniff slightly.

"I've got to go." I say quickly, interrupting whatever was being said, and hang up the phone. I walk up the stairs in a daze. Then sit on my bed, staring at the locked door to my room.

This is exactly what I wanted to do when I found out that my mum had died, I wanted to go into my own space, and just sit, but considering the time I found out, it wasn't really possible. Now I can sit for however long I want, and it doesn't matter. I can mourn properly.

The last memory I have of my father, is telling him to fuck off. I didn't actually mean it of course, but I wasn't sure if he knew that. I can't remember the last time I told either of my parents I loved them. At this thought I burst into tears, the barrier I've kept up for so long had burst, and there was no stopping now. I lay on my bed, with my legs tucked into my chest, and was crying hysterically.

The tears don't stop like I hope they will, and I feel the pillow beneath my head get really wet.

"Faith...what are you-are you okay?" A voice interrupts. I turn slowly, and see Luke standing at my balcony door, shit I said I would go on a date with him.

"I'm fine." I whisper, tears are still pouring out of my eyes like a fusillade and my voice cracks, and he walks over to me, and hugs me. At first I tense, as this is not what I expected to happen, but eventually I relax.

"You can cry, I don't mind." He whispers, and this is the exact moment I break into a new set of tears, but instead of dropping me in disgust or letting go, he hugs me tighter, pulling me into his chest.