Self-Destruction • Luke Hemmings

Chapter 30

I didn't talk to Luke. I couldn't. Not after what Ashton had told me. He told me a lot, yet nothing at the same time. I'm now sitting at the park Luke took me to, and I'm armed with a packet of cigarettes, my phone and a quest for the truth.

I texted Luke 5 minutes ago telling him to meet me here, and he replied instantly telling me he will, and I'm going to make him tell me everything, because I just feel so confused.

I check the time. 12:04. I have school tomorrow, but I can't sleep with all these questions buzzing around my head. Bess was asleep when I left and hopefully won't wake up.

"Faith." Luke says from behind the bench. I don't turn to face him, I stay looking out over the abandoned park which is dimly lit up by street lamps over the road.

"What's up?" He asks, sitting down next to me, I still don't look at him.

"Have you lied to me?" I ask. He remains silent so I turn to look at him.

"Tell me the truth." I whisper, almost inaudible.

"Did Ashton say something?" He says.

"You haven't answered my question." I say through gritted teeth, getting angry.

"Yes." He whispers, and I feel the ground beneath my feet drop. He doesn't love me, he's played me just like Michael and Calum said he would. I'm so fucking stupid and naïve. I even cried in front of him.

"Ashton did say something." I answer him. I try to stay strong but my voice cracks with emotion.

"Please. Can I just explain?" He begs, grabbing my face between his hands so that I am looking right into his eyes.

"Sure. Doesn't mean I'll believe you." I reply. His head drops slightly, but it raises suddenly as though he's thought of an idea.

"I'm gonna tell you everything." He tells me, and I remain silent, waiting.

"I met Imogen here, in this park. I didn't know she was friends with Ashton. I wasn't even friends with them at that point. I thought she was an angel on earth, but in hindsight she really wasn't.

That school term I became friends with Calum in music class, meaning I became friends with Ashton and Michael. They were all pretty cool and we performed pieces together.

I was still seeing Imogen everyday at this park, she told me about how she struggled with mental illness when her dad died and-and she showed me her wrists. She then told me she was going to kill herself that night. I was scared shitless, I didn't know what to say.

I didn't see her for a week but then on the following Monday, she walks in arm and arm with Calum. I felt betrayed, Calum knew I met up with Imogen and that I liked her yet he still asked her out. Ashton was angry too, I thought it was because Imogen was his best friend, but I guess he was in love with her, like all of us were - except Michael. Michael really didn't like her.

Anyway, after about 3 months, Imogen texts' me saying 'can I come to yours' so I say that she can. Then I-I had sex with her, I really want to say I didn't know what I was doing...but I did. She stayed the night and the next morning...she was gone.

I was the last person to see her, and everyone thinks I did something to her." He ends miserably, I think through all this. I'm not sure whether he's lying or telling the truth.

"Why did Michael and Calum cover it up? They said that her dad moved her away? Why would they lie?" I ask, and Luke looks away in embarrassment.

"The day after she left, Calum came into school angry and showed us a picture Imogen had taken of me asleep next to her. I didn't even know she had taken the picture. Calum tried texting her back but the number had deleted itself, so she must have broken the SIM card. Calum doesn't talk about it because he's trying to forget the past, and Michael is just doing it because he doesn't like drama." Luke sighs.

I feel guilty as hell knowing I've been lying to Luke as well, yet I'm the one here demanding he tell the truth. I'm a hypocrite.

"I need to tell you something as well." I sigh shakily. Luke turns to me quickly, his eyes tight with worry.

"Okay." He replies. I form the words in my head before speaking, knowing any way I say this it'll sound bad.

"Calum wanted me to get you to fall for you and then break your heart as revenge for what you did with Imogen." I say as quickly as possible, biting my lip as I calculate his reaction.

"Y-you only got close to me for Calum?" He clarifies. I realise when he says it like this, it sounds really bad. I'm such an idiot. I nod sadly, the tears in my eyes threatening to overspill.

"At first yeah...but I genuinely do like you Luke...I promise." I tell him, grabbing his hand with mine. He pulls away.

"How can I believe you?" He asks, his voice cracking. This is not how I expected it to go.

"The same way I'm supposed to believe you about Imogen." I try to reassure, but he shakes his head.

"I can't." He backs away slightly and I grab for him, I can't let him slip away. He's the first person I've ever let in far enough. I can't give up without a fight. That isn't the Faith Smith way.

"Please." I sob, falling to my knees in front of him, he continues to back away.

"You know what?" He says, his face softening slightly. My heart lifts slightly.

"Tell Calum you did it. You made me fall for you, but I'm gone now." He mutters, then walks off into the distance.

My eyes blur with tears as I watch his figure leave, and I collapse to the ground crying. The weight of everything making my knees buckle and my head cloud.

***
Emotions are running high fuck

:-(

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