Self-Destruction • Luke Hemmings

Chapter 5

The fact that I arrived on a Saturday, meant I had two days to get used to the area before I had school. Bess said she'd drop me off on the first day, but after that I'd have to walk. I don't mind walking, because Michael said he walked as well, so I wouldn't be on my own.

He did jump back over the wall after his mum needed help with whatever, and we just talked and smoked. I told him about all the shit I'd done in school and he told me about all the cool places to go here, which there aren't many. I wouldn't say we're best friends, but we're more than acquaintances.

I am now lying in bed, it is Sunday night and I have school tomorrow, and for some reason, I can't sleep.

It's definitely not nerves; I'm never nervous for anything, I just take it all in my stride. I just can't sleep. It's about 1 am, which is about the time I usually go to sleep before school because night time is the time I think about everything and I just can't stop (thus meaning I end up late for school pretty much every day) but my mind is too awake. I turn over a few times, but still can't sleep.

I give up trying, and get out of bed, and sit on my balcony. I look out onto the lonely roads, and listen. There is no sound but I continue to listen, as my mum told me, in the silence there is sound. Suddenly thinking of my now passed mother, I feel a tidal wave of sadness. I'll never see her again, I'll never get annoyed with her at the fact she kept bugging me to try harder in school, I'll never hear her singing country songs at the top of her lungs. I don't know why, but I'll miss all the things she did that annoyed me.

I think of all the times I've told her to fuck off, or go die or something like that, and maybe this is my fault? Is it Karma? No. I don't believe in any of that bullshit. At that thought, I try to sleep again, and after about 10 minutes, I'm asleep.

"Faith? Wake up darling?" A now familiar voice says. I groan and pull the covers up tighter.

"Fuck off." I mutter and I hear Aunt Bess gasp. I guess there's no point trying to keep up an innocent act.

"You have school, Faith." She says. I look up at Aunt Bess and she's looking down at me with a pinched expression. I guess her nice persona is gone as well.

I did have the school uniform set out, but I wore my own clothes instead. I noticed Bess raise her eyebrows slightly at my outfit, but she didn't say anything. I guess me and Bess wasn't going to have a very good relationship from then on, not that I cared.

The car journey was practically silent, apart from the sound of her classical music playing. When we did reach the school, than looked more modern than I expected, she finally spoke,

"I can walk you in if you'd like?" She offers, I hate the way she's suddenly acting kind to me, so I immediately push her away,

"Fuck no." I mutter, before getting out of the car. I don't bring bags with me to school, as I have nothing to carry, in my past school I just kept all my school books in my locker, as I didn't do the homework so I thought there was no need to take the books home.

I walk straight through the schools courtyard, where students hang around in large group. I titter at the 'cliques' I see here. We had them at our own school, and it's seriously pointless, I always ended up in the 'druggie' group as I smoked continuously and didn't give a shit about schooling. I see Michael and he nods at me to join him, but I recognise that he's part of a clique, so I shake my head and go straight to the main office to get my time table.

"So we've seen your previous record...." The headteacher says. It's a dude this time, and he seems pretty chill, not as chill as Miss Vaughn though.

"Quite something, right?" I grin, he sighs hopelessly, like I'm just another lost cause.

"You are intelligent, it says here you just lack interest...in everything." He mutters.