don't look back

twenty two|| kiss me?

Sage.

October 16, 2018.

"You're lookin good," Billie winked as she held open the car door for me.

"Pfft, says the hottest girl on the planet," I blurted out, my face turning bright red as I climb into her car.

"I like it when you blush like that," she closed the door once I was sitting down. I tried to compose myself as Billie jogged to the other side of the car. I was feeling bold tonight. Billie was silent as she buckled up, but I could see a sly grin on her face.

"If you actually had to say who the hottest girl on the planet was, who would it be?" She questioned in all seriousness.

"Umm," I thought on it for a moment. It really was her, there was no one else who compared, dead or alive. Maybe that's dramatic, but I can't think of anyone else. "I'm not answering that. Who do you think is the hottest girl on planet earth?"

"Me," she shrugged, causing me to errupt in laughs. "What, it's true?" She mocked, now joining me in giggles.

"You're so stupid."

"That's also true. How are you feeling about tonight?"

"Honestly okay, I know you're family so I should be okay," I say truthfully.

"You will be," she smiled, glancing my way before focusing back on the road. My body heating up as she placed her hand on my thigh. I refrained from squirming in my seat all the way to the house.

-

"Sage!" Claudia smiled, pulling me into a hug which I happily accepted.

"Hey Claudia," I exclaimed.
Once turning around, Billie was already being whisked away into a crowd of people. I attempted to ignore the fact that there were dozens of people I didn't know.

"How long until her song drops?" I asked Claudia over the loud music.

"I think an hour," she replied, I nodded my head in response. Billie's laugh could be heard over the loud music, putting a smile on my face. I was uncomfortable and trying to shake off the urge of a panic attack, but her laugh comforted me a little.

"I'm gonna go find Finneas," Claudia announced before walking away. I sat down on the nearest couch, that had been pushed to the side of the living room, leaving a make-shift dance floor in the middle. I sat there, watching the careless and free, dance, laugh and chat. I wish I could be one of them, but instead I'm sitting here, thinking someone might have a gun. Will someone see me on the couch and take advantage of me? Or look at me and think I'm pathetic. I don't want to be seen, at all. There isn't even alcohol here and they are all acting dunk, not a care in the world. Why can't I just be fucking normal?

I snapped out of my unreasonable, never-ending thoughts when someone fell over, causing everyone to begin laughing at them. I took a deep breath from the shock and pulled out my phone, hitting my text messages with Billie. I was about to text her when three dots popped up, indicating she was already texting me.

Billie: where are you love?

Sage: Sitting on a couch in the living room

I stared at my phone, a slight smirk on my face from the pet name, waiting for a reply when I heard Billie shout my name. I look up and see a girl on each of her sides with smiles on their faces. "Sage, this is Zoe, and this is Drew," she pointed to them, both of them giving me little waves.

"Hi," I smiled back shyly.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Drew beamed, plopping down on the opposite side of the couch. Zoe sat beside her and Billie beside me as I curled up on the corner of the couch.

"You doing okay?" Billie whispered to me as Drew and Zoe began conversing.

"Mhmm," I nodded.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to stay with you but people kept talking to me," she scoffed, in annoyance. Why would she want to hang out with me anyways? I'm a drag.

"It's okay," I smiled as she wrapped an arm around my shoulder, immediately making me melt.

"Billie, there you are!" Finneas said breathlessly as he rushed up to the couch. "Two more minutes," he announced loudly.

"Shit, already?"

Slowly people began to gather into the living room, watching the large tv as the countdown began. I sat in anticipation as everyone was counting down loudly with excitement. 3, 2, 1, Cheers, screaming, and clapping filled the room once the song was officially released.

"Shit, my friend just got here," Zoe announced, standing from the couch and making her way to the front door.

"Her friend?" Billie asked, turning to Drew. Drew shrugged.

"Zoe needs to stop inviting random people to my parties," Billie joked with a chuckle.

"Congrats Billie," I smiled up at her.

"Thanks baby," she gave me a side hug. I felt content; proud that I had gotten through the majority of this party without a panic attack. That is until Zoe ran back to us with her friend.

"Guys, meet Sophia," Zoe smiled, Sophia's eyes instantly meeting mine, a shit-eating grin on her face. My face went pale with all the oxygen in my lungs dissipating.

"Hi Sophia, I'm Drew," Drew smiled with a wave. This can't be happening.

"Let's go upstairs," Billie whispered to me, taking my hand in hers and leading me upstairs quickly. I was unaware of my surroundings, too overstimulated to take in anything until I felt myself plop onto a soft bed.

"I-I can't b-breathe Billie," I chocked out, attempting to clear my clogged throat. I watched with blurry eyes as Billie kneeled in front of me and hugged my waist without a word being said. I leaned down on her, close enough to feel her breathing under me. Her presence and touch being enough to calm me down within a few minutes. Her warm vanilla scent and soft touch filling my senses. She just held me, held me tightly until I was ready to speak.

"You're okay," she whispered, soothingly rubbing my lower back.

"I'm sorry," I sniffled. I fucking hate how dramatic I am without being able to change it.

"No," she shook her head, leaning back and placing her warm comforting hands on my thighs, her eyes meeting mine.

"No?" I questioned with bloodshot eyes.

"No, don't be sorry. You need to stop apologizing for things you can't control," she placed a hand on my cheek, wiping the tears from moments earlier.

"Kiss me?" I whispered out. She nodded her head with a small smile before leaning upwards and attaching her lips to mine. I could physically feel the self pitty being sucked out of my lungs, her lips healing me.

"Stay with me tonight?" I asked against her lips.

"Mhm," she hummed out before pulling back and kissing my forehead.

-

A/N: I'm so lonely.... *has mental break down while writing this chapter*

I miss my ex...

anyway, vote?