don't look back

twenty five|| new york

Sage.
November 1, 2018.

"I-I'm pregnant."

"Ha, what?" Her eyebrows furrow together in confusion.

I cleared my throat and sat up, crisscrossing my legs. "Sophia...she's t-transgender."

"Oh," she leaves her mouth in an 'O' shape for a second, processing what I just said. I stared at her while she stared down at her lap, tears now silently flowing. She looks so confused, scared, hurt? "What are you going to do?" She asks, her eyes not leaving her lap.

"What should I do?" I ask.

"Baby," she finally looks up at me, "That's up to you, it's not my place to tell you what to do," she says softly, reaching out for my hand.

"I-I just... I don't know."

"You know whatever you decide to do, I won't judge you, yeah?"

I nod my head, weighing out my options. There's adoption, keeping the baby, or abortion. I don't feel right about any of the options. I can't raise a baby, but killing it feels so wrong. I just wish I could go back in time and re-do it all. Why couldn't I just say no to her? Or use some fucking protection.

"You have time," Billie broke the silence, still holding my hand in hers.

"But I don't, they need an answer by twelve weeks otherwise I cant a-abort" I answered plainly.

"H-how far along are you?"

"Only four weeks."

"You still have eight weeks," she assured me, us falling into a silence. Neither of us knew what to say, she doesn't want to tell me what to do and I don't know what to do. What else is there to talk about?

"I'm scared, Billie," I admitted. She pulled me into her, wrapping her arms around me tightly, my head leaning into the crook of her neck.

"It'll be okay, I'm right here and I'm not leaving," she spoke softly. Just then her phone began ringing, she pulled away only to decline the call and hold me close once again.

"I just don't feel right about-" I got cut off by her phone ringing again.

"Keep going," she told me while declining the call.

"You can call them back," I said while pulling away and sitting up straight, just for them to call for a third time.

"Youre more important," she assured me. I grabbed her ringing phone and accepted the call before putting it on speaker phone.

"What?" Billie answered.

"Billie, an important meeting has come up. You, finneas, and me will be flying to New York first thing tomorrow morning," the male voice spoke through the phone.

"What the fuck? I can't go," Billie spoke aggrivatedly.

"You have to, its gotta do with the album release and there's also press set up. It's just a few days."

"Fine," she said plainly before hanging up and focusing her eyes back on me. She stared at me for a moment and I could see tears welling in her eyes.

"Billie, its okay," I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"No the fuck its not. I need to stay here with you," she stood up, pacing the room while running her hands through her frustratedly. "These bitches just except me to have no life other then work, I need to be here with you. Youre my girlfriend and I-"

I cut her off by grabbing her face in my hands, looking up at her, "It's okay. Just a few days and you'll be back. I'll be okay."

"Come with me?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. I've just been sick and you should try to enjoy your time out there."

"But I want you with me and you're going through stuff," a single tear dripped down her cheek.

"I'll be okay, I'll make a decision and figure it out. Just promise to call me everyday?" I wiped the tear away.

"Promise," she whispered while leaning in and attaching her lips to mine. Wrapping her arms around my waist she pulled my body closer to hers, it felt like she didn't want to let go, and neither did I.

-

a/n: i didn't edit or proofread this but i wanted you to have a new chapter today!