don't look back

tweny four|| always sick

A/N: Sorry this is kind of a time skip, the last chapter was taken place on October 17th and now it's November 1st, but it's necessary.

Sage.

November 1, 2018.

I've been sick, just always sick. Always lightheaded, always nauseous and Billie is growing more and more concerned...so am I. I don't want to believe it, but it's to the point where I know what's going on.

I've been avoiding Billie, turning my phone off as much as I can. Occupying my time by writing, sleeping, and convincing Billie that I'm okay, but I'm just exhausted. I can't wait any longer, so I called a doctor and made an appointment.

I slid on some sweatpants and an oversized shirt, not giving a shit about how I look. Throwing my greasy red hair into a messy bun, I realize that after today nothing's ever going to be the same again. I'm terrified and I wish I had someone to come with me, but I can't have Billie knowing right now.

Slipping on some shoes, I grab my wallet, keys, and phone before using the elevator to go meet the uber upfront. Leaning my head on the window and watching the buildings go by, I feel my phone buzz in my hand.

Billie: babyyyyy

Billie: i miss you

Billie: can you please talk to me

I swallow back tears before turning my phone off and continuing to stare out the window until the car comes to a complete stop in front of the clinic. I thank the driver and walk into the clinic with shaky hands, making my way to the receptionist's desk. "Hello, how can I help you?" The friendly receptionist greets.

"I have an appointment."

"Of course. Your name?"

"Sage May Carson."

"You can have a seat and I'll call your name when the doctor is ready."

I nod my head, turning to see the many grey chairs, only a few being occupied. I take the chair in the corner and look around the room, counting my breaths. Staring at the wall of pamphlets, I begin reading the titles.

'Be a hero, give blood.'

'Supporting happy, healthy lifestyles.'

'Breast Cancer'

'Diabeties'

'Safe sleep for your baby'

'Mental illness is real'

'Dizzy?'

'Pregnant? It's okay to ask for help'

"Sage?" A males voice calls out, making me snap my gaze from the wall to where I heard him speak. I get up and follow him down the blank white hallway and into a room with a small desk, an examining table, and many medical items I know absolutely nothing about.

"Have a seat," he smiles, sitting down in front of his computer. I sit down on the medical table, grasping my shaky hands together. "It's great to meet you, Sage. I'm Dr. Feild. What brings you in today?"

"Well, for about a month I-'ve been getting randomly dizzy and nauseous," I begin to explain with a shaky voice.

-

"So, now you know all of your options. Think about them but let me know as soon as possible what you decide to do," Dr. Feild explains.

"Thanks," I say plainly. I don't know why I'm in shock... I knew what it was. But now what do I do? Who do I talk to? What do I want?

-

Upon arriving back at my apartment, I turn my phone on, seeing multiple missed texts from Billie.

Billie: i know you don't want to talk to me but you're scaring me

Billie: i am here okay?

Billie: please just let me know you're okay

My fingers hover over the keyboard, her words making my emotional ass tear up. I miss her.

Sage: I'm okay

Billie: i'm in the parking lot

Billie: i'm coming up

"Fuck," I sigh, wiping my cheeks with the bottom of my t-shit. I quickly hide the pamphlets I was given from the doctor's office and splash cold water on my blotchy red face. Hearing her soft knock, I open up the door, not daring to make eye contact. I just walk to my bed, get under my covers and hold back every emotion to the best of my abilities.

"Baby?" Billie questions worry dripping from her voice. I hear the door close and see her walk to the bed. "W-whats going on?" She stutters.

I bury my face in the pillow, not wanting to show my blotchy face. I feel her pull me in, wrapping both her arms around me. My body shakes slightly as sobs begin.

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay," she comforts me, although she sounds like she's questioning her own statement.

"I-I saw a doctor," I admit, my breath shaky. She softly grabs my face with her hands to look at me properly, tears streaming from my eyes.

"What did they say?" She looks so scared.

"I-I'm pregnant."

"Ha, what?" Her eyebrows furrow together in confusion.

I cleared my throat and sat up, crisscrossing my legs. "Sophia...she's t-transgender."

-

A/N: I don't even know dude...