Sage.
December 29, 2018.It's been an intense couple of days. Billie and I have both started going to therapy, I think Billie is just as afraid as me but is better at hiding it. We have moved almost all of Billie's belongings into my small apartment after we decided she should move in with me. I've spent a lot of time at Finneas' house to record and finish the EP. Billie surprised me the day after Christmas by flying Sierra and Aria out here. They got possession of their dorm early and have both fully moved in.
All in all, It's been a whirlwind of emotions. I'm happy Billie is living with me, I'm happy my two best friends are here and I'm happy I'm getting help; but at the same time, therapy is hard, having nightmares every night is hard, and finishing the EP is hard.
"You ready baby?" Billie calls from the bathroom.
"Have you seen my phone?" I ask, searching through the blankets on the bed.
"I think it's on the kitchen counter," she answers. I look over and she is correct. I retrieve my phone and Billie gives me a quick kiss before we walk hand in hand out to her car.
Today is yet again, another therapy session. The therapist is seeing Billie and me both separately and together. For the first session, I wanted Billie in the room and it went okay, we basically covered the basics of what had happened and in the session where it's just me, we talked more about my anxiety and how I had selective mutism as a child. Technically the sessions where we see the therapist together is called 'couples counselling' but it isn't because we have issues with each other, more just ways we can support each other especially after being outed like that. So far it's been okay but I don't feel different. Are you supposed to feel different? I thought I was supposed to feel relieved.
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"Alright Sage, I wanted to talk to you about something I think could be helpful for you. Do you want Billie to stay?" Our therapist 'Jen' asked after we finished up our 'couples therapy.'
"Yeah, she can stay," I shrugged.
"You've mentioned that when Billie isn't with you it's next to impossible to stop that panic attacks, even if you attempt to work through the tools I've given you right?"
"Mhm," I nodded my head.
"Okay, so I've been looking into medications for you. Specifically, an anti-anxiety and I think this could really help you out. Would you be interested in that?"
"I, um," I clear my throat. "I don't need it though," I shook my head gently and I felt Billie place her hand on my thigh.
"No, you're right. You don't 'need' it, but it could be very helpful. It has the potential to take your panic away completely. If not that, it will ease your stress, help you relax, and your panic attacks may not be as frequent or intense."
I looked up at Billie and she gave me a reassuring smile. "Okay," I nodded sadly.
"Let me just go and print off the prescription for you," Jen said before leaving the room.
"Why am I so weak?" I mumbled.
"You're not. You are the strongest person I know and taking medication doesn't make you weak," Billie explained sincerely.
"Yes it does, it's literally like saying I'm not strong enough or capable enough on my own to do life so I have to consume some pills every day to keep me going," I protested.
"Alright, here you go," Jen walked back in, handing me a paper. We both said our goodbyes and walked quietly to Billie's car.
"Baby," Billie twisted in her seat to give me her full attention. "Taking pills does not make you weak. It takes a strong person to accept help and you don't have to be on them forever, just to get through the rough patch, yeah?"
"Okay," I nodded.
"How's the EP coming?" Billie asked, changing the subject.
"We're so close to being done," I groaned, "like so close that it's annoying to even go and finish the last few vocals."
"I remember that feeling," Billie smirked.
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A/N: Fair warning, gonna be a big time skip in the next chapter.

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FanfictionSage is a shy girl with an anxious heart. After much consideration she decides to move to LA on her own, leaving her family and best friends back home. Sage has dreams of becoming a singer though it's hard for her to break past the wall of social an...