don't look back

twenty eight|| you're here now

A/N: Is anyone still invested in this book because I don't knowww....? Also, the lyrics in this chapter are from 'Subside' by Eloise. (I need a full cover from Billie damn)

Sage.

November 15, 2018.

Five days, it's been five days since I left my apartment. I've hardly left my bed, only to use the washroom and grab a bag of chips. I haven't felt this down in a long time. Billie's been busy with shoots and interviews for her upcoming album; though she hasn't forgotten to facetime and text me every free minute she has. I know she's doing everything she can and I know I shouldn't rely on her for happiness.

Inching my way into the bathroom I accidentally glance in the mirror and what I find staring back at me isn't pretty. I haven't seen myself this neglected before. My hair hasn't been washed, thrown up in a greasy bun that's almost all fallen out. My under-eye bags are as dark as a cloudy night, I look and feel like a walking zombie. Tearing my eyes away from the mirror, I lift the toilet seat. Once finishing and washing my hands, I only make two steps back to my bed when I hear a knock on the door. Sighing, I slowly open it to see a beautiful face and fading blue hair framing it perfectly. Her smile is quickly replaced with a look of concern and worry.

"Baby," she frowns, pulling me in for a hug and closing the door behind herself. I've never longed for someone's touch this badly. As cliche as it sounds, it simply felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders as she held me. She pulled back, only to place her hands on my cheeks.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not in a rude way; I just wasn't expecting her.

"Well, Finneas is coming in a few hours to bring some equipment to record. I had a feeling you might be in need of a shower, and I was right; so I came early," she smiled softly, making the corners of my lips pull up slightly.

"Let's get you cleaned up," she smiled before walking into my bathroom, leaving me standing there. "Bath or shower?" She called out in question.

"I don't know," I shrugged, walking into the bathroom.

"Okay, first, brush your teeth so I can kiss you," she raised a brow, holding out my toothbrush which made me chuckle lightly. I proceeded to brush my teeth as I watched her through the mirror. She began filling the bathtub. I love her...holy shit, I love her.

Once finishing brushing my teeth, I turned around to see a full tub. "You get your cute ass into the tub, I'll be right back," she kissed me quickly before leaving the bathroom. I pulled off my clothes, and only now I realized how badly I smelt. Poor Bill had to witness me like this.

Slowly inching down into the hot water felt amazing. I knew I needed this but I didn't have the motivation or physical energy to do so. I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest, breathing in and out as the steam filled the space around me. There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. She's seen me naked before, yet she has the decency to still knock. "Come in," I called out.

Once her eyes met mine she smiled softly and sat on the edge of the bathtub and began slowly picking out the hair elastic from my dishevelled red hair. "Thanks, Bil."

"You don't need to thank me, I should've been here every day for the past five days. I'm sorry for that," she apologized with a sigh.

I turned my head to look up at her, "Billie, you have a job and a life. Don't be sorry, you aren't responsible for me," I assured her.

"I just wish I could have been here for you more," she frowned, internally beating herself up.

"You're here now."

"Yeah," she nodded, "let's get you cleaned up."

After my bath with much support from Billie, I was now laying on her chest as she held my phone up, reading through the most recent lyrics I've written. "And I've lost count of the times you've caught me looking at you?" Billie read my lyrics questioningly.