"You know, Ayanokoji-kun, I felt like you were the only one for me. And I swear I am not lying!"
"W-What do you mean by that, Kushida?"
Of course he was taken aback when I abruptly started talking about this. Actually, this had been on my mind for a long time and I had decided that I would never talk about this with anyone, much less with the person in question. I wonder why I said those words now. Maybe it was because we were nearing the end. Our final special exam is around the corner. After that, the graduation ceremony, and we would all go our separate ways. And there is no telling that we would be able to meet each other in the future. Maybe that thought that I had on a part of my brain, subconsciously pushed me to say those words.
And I knew that I won't be stopping until I finished it all. It was as if my heart was trying to get that all out.
"I have told you about myself, right?"
"Yeah."
He nodded as if he understood what exactly I was hinting at.
"I have always liked to learn about the secrets of others. When they so openly shared their secrets with me, it felt like it was my special ability, that no one else possessed. It gave me endless pleasure and a sense of superiority over everyone else. And I know that I am very adept at making others spill the beans."
"But for some reason, I couldn't learn about your secrets. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get a read on you. Honestly, it frustrated me. Since you also knew of my past, I had a feeling that I should expel you. And I tried my best as well. But it was all for naught."
I remember that intense feeling of wanting to expel him. But when I look back at it now, maybe, it was just a cover for what I knew I actually felt. By trying to expel him, I was just trying to push back the idea that he was the perfect man for me. But at this point, there is no point in trying to deny it.
"But slowly I realized that I was just using expulsion as a cover, to deny what I was truly feeling. I had realized it a long time ago. I was just trying to deny it."
I paused and looked at him. I looked at that composed face of his and continued.
"I was always trying to get close to other people and learn about their secrets. But I wasn't able to do so with you, no matter what. That meant I could be with you without any trouble."
"Let me explain. If I knew about the secret of the other party then I would definitely try to use it to my advantage. That would make things between us awkward and there would arise issues of trust. But there is no chance of happening that with you. I would never be able to get ahold of your secrets. But that meant I could be with you without having anything awkward between us or anything holding us. There would be no trust issues. After all, I would have no weapon to use against you. That meant I could be with you always with no other thoughts. Doesn't that make you an ideal partner for someone like me?"
He spoke nothing and just kept staring at my face.
What I said was all true. I would have been able to stay with him forever. It could have also turned into a nice little game. I would always try to learn about his secrets and he would keep defending against that. Now, that sure made my heart pound faster.
He really was my ideal partner. And yes, he had a very attractive face as well, which I was sure of the moment I saw him. But all that talk is now just pointless. Maybe I should have been honest from the beginning. Ah, well, whatever.
"It is getting late. So, I will be heading back."
I turned around to go but then I suddenly went back and wrapped my arms around his chest.
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"K-K-Kushida?!"
His warmness along with the sturdiness that a boy should have made its way inside my body and overwhelmed me. After a while, I let go of him.
"Sorry. I just had this sudden urge to hug you. Well then, good night!"
Saying that I headed towards the dorm, leaving him to his own devices.
Note:
So, how are you all? I have recovered quite a bit and I think I can start writing now! So, you can expect new SSs more frequently!!
