ꜰɪꜰᴛʏ ᴅᴀʏꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ

kiss me, eilish

"love is so weird," i said laying on billies stomach, "you and this love topic" she laughed and i shrugged.

it was around 9pm, billie had been here for a while. when she came we just chilled in silence, not on her phones, just music, and silence. my room was a dimmed purple and a slight breeze came from the window,

"eilish," i said and hummed "what do you wanna do when you get older?"

she put her hand in my hair and replied "i don't know, be a singer or something." i looked up at her furrowing my eyebrows with a smile, "what" she said.

"you still sing?"

i remembered her being in choir and all the time singing when we were in elementary and middle school, i didn't know she still did sing though. "of course" billie smiled and i chuckled, "what about you?"

i took in a little breath, what was i supposed to say, dead? it hurts me knowing that billie still thinks i'm gonna be here the rest of her life, and i know what you're gonna say, "then just don't do it" it's not as easy as you think. no matter what i'm still gonna hurt, no matter who comes into my life to make things brighter, i'm still hurting.

no matter what anyone does i'm still stuck. stuck in this deep dark pit of nothingness, and it makes me feel so incredibly bad because i feel as if i'm wasting billies time, effort, and patience, or anyone for that matter.

"um, i don't know," i said after a while, billie sighed "you're gonna make it past eighteen eden."

"i never said i wouldn't," i said, "yeah but you were thinking it."

i turned my head to look at her narrowing my eyes. as much as i'd hate to admit it, billie always knew what i was thinking, she always knew when and why i was upset.

"are you mad because i'm right?"

"no" i lied, and she chuckled letting it out her nose. she sat me up and i sat crisscrossed across from her, "what" i whispered with a smile.

(if y'all want you can play the song)

bubble gum by clario started playing, and i shifted only slightly.

"eilish" i whispered and she hummed with a smile on her face, "you're staring."

"i know" she whispered, i don't know why we were whispering but i liked it. i chuckled and she moved the hair out of my face we didn't say anything just staring as we slowly inched closer to each other.

our knees touched but both of us didn't bother to move them. her eyes flicked down to my lips ever so often and so did mine.

they looked so soft.

billie put her hand on my chin, lifting my head from staring at her lips. i chuckled and so did she. she didn't bother to move her hand this time only pulling me in closer.

she looked like she was thinking, i don't know what she was thinking about but her face looked restless but cute at the same time.
i had butterflies in my stomach and i could feel my hands heating up.

our faces were inches apart and i could feel her breath hit my lips. "eilish" i whispered and she hummed, "kiss me."

as if she was waiting for me to say that we put our lips together. it wasn't quick, it wasn't sloppy, it was slow and passionate. a million fireworks erupted in my stomach. it felt like we were frozen in time.

our lips synced up perfectly and it felt like we were one, it felt like we were in each other's veins. i could hear and feel her heartbeat and i bet she could hear mine as well. everything faded in and out, the music shifting from one ear to another.

i cupped her cheek even though it was impossible to get any closer.

it felt like i was running through a field of sunflowers, and it was almost like i was flying.

and for a split second, i saw a little light in my dark pit.

we eventually pulled away, out of breath. i looked at her and her hair was messy, a cute messy, her lips were a pretty pink and they were only swollen just slightly, her eyes were low and she had this wonky smile.

"e" billie said after a while of me staring at her, i hummed and turned my head to the side.

"nothing."

45 days

755 words