ꜰɪꜰᴛʏ ᴅᴀʏꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ

shes so ignorant

my moon

imy
read 1:59 pm

it was only saturday and i already missed her like crazy. this whole "argument" if that's what you even wanna call it, was stupid.

i don't even know what we were fighting about.

the day was going by so slowly, and it was painful, to say the least.

why was she mad at me? i didn't know.

i knew that she missed me too, i know for a fact she does. what i also know is that it's taking everything in her to not respond to my texts.

i don't know how long this "break" was gonna be but my guess is, it's not gonna last long.

we crave each other way too much for that.
-
eden pov
laying on my side i let out another sob. i guess this was how i was spending my saturday.

i mean i never really did anything on saturday's before i started talking to billie, so i should be used to this.

i don't know why i was acting as i've never spent it alone.

i miss her already though.

but she's too much right now, i'm too much right now.

we both need time alone, as much as it hurts. when you love someone so much you care about each other a lot.

and it's like, with billie, i care about her too much and she cares about me too much.

so when we're both sad and we're both getting mad at each other for not accepting each other's advice or help it collides and becomes a mess.

we're both getting too close but still managing to push each other away.

if that made sense.

i knew billie was way too stubborn to apologize at first, and i knew i was way too scared to even text her back.

we both had problems that just were in the way.

with billie my world is, how do i explain this?

my world is frozen, it's like nothing is moving. so when i'm with her it's like i'm inside of her and we're one.
if i'm being honest, i feel as if billie is my soulmate. so being away from each other is gonna hurt more than i expected.

i mean i still love her, hell i'm in love with her.

but right now we are both tripping.

she's texted me a couple of times and it took everything in me not to respond to them.

they're so sweet and it makes me think that i was just being stupid.

i mean i did explode on her and left her in the pouring rain.

im coming to the realization that i'm the bad guy in this situation.

i mean it's all my fault if you think about it, maybe if i just would've kept my mouth shut none of this would be happening.

why am i like this?

i didn't know and it's probably something i'll never find out.
-
33 days until i'm dead until i'm finally gone.

it's something that i haven't been paying attention to but the days are quickly approaching.

i still haven't decided how i wanted to go.

overdosing is something that never works for me, but that's probably how i'll go. all the other ways sound like they hurt.

billies have been able to distract me from the days but i still think about it and write every chance i get.

i hoped that billie will read all the letters i left her. if she snoops around my room like the person she is when she'll find them sure enough.

i should probably start giving some clothes away and some of my stuff, but not too fast, or billie will catch on.

killing yourself takes a lot of time and patience if you wanna make sure no one knows you were even here.

you have to be careful and aware of what you're doing because if not then they'll send me away again.

and i don't want that.

i don't have many things special to me just a bunch of jewelry and items that i've stolen from pretty places.

they're all kept in a box i just think that if someone were to care about me they'd want it when i go.

i signed the bottom of another letter and folded it up, putting it at the top of my closet.

they were behind things so billie wouldn't find it too soon, sighing i threw on my converse.

jordan was outside, speaking of jordan i left things for him too but i'm sure he wouldn't find them, he's not the snooping type.

"sheesh" was the first thing he said when i walked out the door "you look terrible."

"well good to see you too" i rolled my eyes while getting in his car.

i have been crying all day so my hair is a mess and my face is stained with tears.

"what happened," he said starting to drive down the road.

"just billie, nothing serious" i shrugged while looking out the window.

"what did she do because i can-" i cut him off before he said anything gruesome "no need for that."

"just stupid shit were good though."

all he did was a hum and out the corner of my eyes, i saw him reach into the backseat.

soon after he handed me a gun.

"what the fuck, no, i'm not gonna shoot her!"

he shrugged and put it back "just a suggestion."

"she's just so stubborn that's all," i shrugged as we drove. i don't know where we were going but i needed a break.
-
billie pov
i hate that i don't know what edens doing right now, and i hate that she's ignoring me.

she's being so stubborn, and it's making my head hurt.

i miss her, to say the least.

why is she so ignorant?
-
eden pov
i sat across the table from jordan, my knees against my chest.

he was talking about something but if i was being honest i was not paying attention.

all i could think about was billie, i missed her and i hated not knowing what she was doing.

why is she so ignorant?

33 days

1029 words