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my head laid against the gym wall as i sat on the floor. my headphones were in as i zoned out.
drew set next to me a little earlier and has been sitting here since, she's prettier up close.
billie was off playing some game that they had planned for gym.
my room was almost cleared out, most of my clothes were gone and my things on my wall had been put in my closet.
i turned in my assignment for billie, and all my social media accounts had been deleted, besides snap.
i really haven't been eating much, so it could work better i guess? you could say i'm ready, 5 more days left.
to be honest, i don't know how i'll spend my last couple of days, but i know i want it to be with billie.
if i had to see one person before i died it'd be billie. not my parents, not my sister, not even jordan.
just billie. - "do you remember when we saw each other at that ice cream parlor" billie laughed laying her head on my stomach.
"yeah because you were stalking me," i said playfully.
"i wasn't, it was fate" she smiled and i laughed. "eilish no, i think you followed me there, to be honest."
she furrowed her eyebrows with a laugh "shut up i didn't." i hummed and it got quiet again until billie spoke up "you know that was kinda like our first date."
smiling i shook my head "you're so corny."
"and you like it," billie said.
putting my hand in her hair i didn't answer, just smiled. i did like it, as corny and stupid it was.
everything billie did was cute, and sweet.
which kinda made me feel bad because i can't wait to kill myself. and it's kinda betraying to leave billie because i love her and she makes me happy.
but what people don't realize is that you can still be suicidal without being necessarily sad. billie makes me feel great and everything in the world means nothing to me when she's around.
so i'm not sad? i think.
i just wanna die, what's the point of living if you know that you'll do nothing good in life. i have no plan for myself, no dreams, no passion for anything.
