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it's monday, i've finally decided to go to school. everybody seemed to notice i was here. why do i stand out so much to them? i try so hard to blend in and i'm sure it works but i guess it doesn't due to all the stares.
as i walked into class, billie was already there before me surprisingly.
distant whispers made me cringe.
"i thought you were dead" some boy shouted from the back, making the class laugh. i mean even the teacher had a little chuckle.
what type of shit is that?
sitting next to billie i put my head down hoping to just fall asleep.
and i was until a paper slid on my thigh.
why are they looking at you like that - b
i smiled and looked up at her, she shrugged with a laugh. maybe she was trying to make me feel better it kinda worked.
no reason - e
i slid the paper back to billie, with a smile.
i don't think so - b
huh - e
i know your lying - b
* you're - e
billie laughed to herself as we passed the paper to each other. she did make me feel a little better. - i sat quietly on billies bed as pepper laid in my lap. billie, claudia, and finneas all talked amongst themselves.
i don't what they were talking about, and if i was being honest i really don't care.
i couldn't help but stare a claudia, i don't know it's like every chance i get i have to look, because she looked so different then from when i knew her when we were younger.
she was pretty, to say the least, prettier than back then, prettier than me.
i guess she got all the good genes, and that must be out of luck cause there are not many "good genes" to work with.
(not to be rude.)
quietly laughing to myself, i pet peppers head.
i'm making myself laugh while talking to myself, how weirder could i get?
i laughed again.
"what's so funny" billie smiled, putting her attention on me. i flinched a little and chuckled "nothing."
claudia looked at me with a slight roll of her eye.
okay?
blowing out air and moving pepper out my lap "im gonna- im gonna go so" i rubbed my hands together "yeah."
billie furrowed her eyebrows, "we can come with you."
"yeah sure," i looked at claudia who was staring at finneas with wide eyes.
funny cause the whole point of me leaving was to get away from claudia. - i fished my key out of my pocket, unlocking my front door. claudia and billie following, finneas didn't come but convinced claudia to go to "rekindle the bond."
my parents sat on the couch watching tv, my mom looked at the door not my dad though.
she audibly gasped practically jumping up off the couch to tackle claudia into a hug.
cool i guess.
my sister smiled as they rocked back and forth, my father finally became aware of his surroundings got up off the couch as well.
they all hugged while i stood there.
billie put her hand in mine, "come on" she pulled me upstairs towards my room.
i had sat on my bed with a huff, billie standing in front of me.
tears welled in my eyes. don't cry. don't cry. do not cry.
they were so excited to see her. so fucking excited.
and i just stood there. i wasn't even visible to them, it's like i don't even exist.
"you okay?" billie asked, which quite literally made everything worse.
"it's like i'm invisible," i said, my voice cracking horribly.
"you're not invisible baby" she whispered as we came face to face. she could say that over and over again and i wouldn't believe it not one time.
because no matter what, they can't see me.
i'm right in front of them and they're right in front of me, yet in their eyes, there is simply nothing there.
they only care about themselves, leaving me being unnoticed.
billie hugged me, and i did want a hug right now but it just wasn't from the right person. - waking up with my head in billies chest, billie still asleep i made my way downstairs.
no one was downstairs, i sighed getting a cup of water. i wonder where everyone was, i don't even remember falling asleep.
a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and their chin rested on my shoulder.
i laughed as billie kissed my cheek, "hi you."
billie chuckled tiredly, i don't know why every time i get out of bed she follows, but i liked it.
"hi love," billie said, i took another sip from my water.
"why'd you leave," she said quietly, i laughed "i was gone for 2 seconds eilish."
"too long," billie said.
i shook my head and grabbed her hand, leading us back upstairs to my room.
i would say it's her room now as much as she's here.
climbing back into bed, billie laid her head in my neck while her thumb lingered on my stomach, making patterns occasionally.
"where is everyone," i asked.
billie hummed "claudia said your parents were taking her out."
"oh."
billie kissed my cheek, possibly trying to make me feel better but i don't know. the girl was half-sleep.
i chuckled as a tear dropped from my eye "i love you eilish."
"i love you more, go to sleep pretty."
i relaxed into billie, i just wished i wasn't invisible and i wish they cared. i wish they loved me, i wish they'd get excited to see me.
and as much special treatment, they give claudia i could never be jealous, i love her too much.
