Tea Boy (A Deacury Fic)

Chapter 5: Anxious and In Love

-John's POV-

I looked at the paper and it had a note stating, "Meet me at 4pm" It's now only a quarter to eleven. Oh geez, what to do until then? I placed the little paper on the nightstand and flopped on my bed. I sighed still thinking of that man, I simply couldn't resist him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I truly doubt he feels the same. When I first met him at my job, I knew I was attracted to him, but he most likely attracts more women than men. What if he doesn't like men? What if...he doesn't like me. It can't be possible, he seems so friendly, but he could stab me in the back though.

I felt my eyes water and my face heat up. I honestly wish he feels the same way I feel about him. I couldn't help but to cry. As someone who may be dealing with some kind of anxiety, I doubt he'd love me because of how different I may seem to be to him. He might make fun of me, he might talk behind my back. Anything could happen to make me feel so down. I cried on my pillow until a puddle appeared. He probably took me in as the bassist only to be nice to me. I sobbed until my eyes grew tired and so I took a nap. I hate these bad feelings that I have. It's hard being in love with someone who might not love you back.

I woke up and looked at my clock. Two-twenty pm. I sniffled a little and got up, still feeling quite butt hurt. I went to the bathroom to wipe my eyes, I couldn't let Freddie see that I've been crying, but at least it doesn't make me weak, it relieves a bit of stress. I'm still quite worried that he might not feel the same about me. I had to prepare just saying the right things. After wiping up, I went back in my bedroom and began practicing confessing to Freddie.

I said a few lines to myself like, "Freddie I think I'd like to be more than a friend with you." , "I honestly see us together in the long run.", "Would you like to go out with me?" But I finally found the right one, "Freddie, I'm in love with you." Taking deep breaths settled my anxiety down, and so I got dressed in something different, something to attract him, and smiled in the mirror. "I can do this.", I kept whispering to myself. I went down to eat a little lunch, just one of my favorites, cheese on toast. After I cleaned up, I went out to my backyard garden to see that a few of my yellow roses were in a bit of bloom, even if it snowed like two weeks ago. These roses of mine don't have thorns, however, I still carefully picked them. There was just enough time to prepare before four o clock, so I walked back inside and went to my scrapbook drawer. I opened and pulled out a small canary ribbon, surprisingly matching the flowers, and a felt marker to write something on it. I carefully tied the ribbon around those roses, tightened it a little for security. "To Freddie my dear", was soon written on it.

More deep breaths were taken as I went back out to get my bicycle. I decided not to take the trolley because I fear that I'll get judgmental looks from strangers. I placed the little bouquet in the basket and pedaled my way there to Freddie's flat. Just thinking of him again made my heart skip a beat multiple times. The only thing I hope for is that he'd feel the same about me.